Can hear neighbours next door and feel like there’s a huge gap in my life

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I’ve posted before about this and have NC in the past. I hope it is ok to post about this again.

Today has been so nice. I’ve hung out my washing and cleaned the house, had my tanning done and my nails, sat in the garden reading my book and drank wine with friends.

All day I have been thinking I wish I had a family. I wish I had a child to pop into the paddling pool and buy ice cream for. I can hear my neighbours playing with their kids, parents chatting about whether they can afford a holiday. I’m sitting in my beautiful home, with enough money to do what I want with, totally and utterly lonely.

What’s the point? I don’t even need this money, I have no kids to care for or think of. No husband to buy a birthday present for.

It’s my birthday in a few days. Again I will be sitting with family feeling like something is missing...my own family.

I feel so shit. Has anyone got any words of advice? I guess i am just looking for a kind word or maybe a kick up the backside to put things in perspective. I know nobody can say anything much to change it, so I hope i is ok to post.

Just feeling rubbish and like there’s a massive gap in my life.

One of my friends had given up by 35, hadn't dated in years, never met anyone she was interested in dating. She met someone at work, by 40 they'd married and had 3 kids. There's still time if you want the dream.

If it was me, I'd go it alone, but I get that's for everyone. I had the dream, probably look like I still do from the outside. The perfect dp who seemed like a great guy, the DC, the lovely home, the great love. You can get the dream and still end up doing it alone.

Sorry I made you cry .

I actually think it's really unhelpful for posters to keep saying parenthood isn't all it's cracked up to be, the OP wants to try for herself. It's like when I had a difficult day with two toddlers and my mil said her nephew couldn't have kids. How was that meant to help me? They went on to have two anyway.

I met my husband at 36, he’s got 3 kids. I didn’t want kids but I could still have done then. I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone. He’d moved to my are to work in the company I was working for. We were together a year later and moved in a year after that and together 11 years now.

Met my partner when I was 35. Had our (naturally conceived) son at 42. There's still time!

Yes, I think Elle has a good point. What are you looking for in a partner? What do any of us look for. For me, a kind person, someone who makes me laugh ( or laughs at my jokes), solvent, practical ( I am not).There is nothing wrong in wanting a partner and family, for many of us it is natural.

Well if I am honest I really want someone that is my match earning wise and career wise. I’m not exactly Richard Branson (!) or anything but someone who is really into their work and cares about financial stability is important to me. I want them to at least match me in that respect and what I bring to the table.

Aside from that I want someone who is loving, works at a relationship and above all has a sense of humour and an open mind.

I hear you OP, sometimes it sucks.

And bore off everyone saying "oh having kids is shit anyway", I assume you all got sterilised after having 1 dc then as it's so shit? Oh what's that, you have 2 or 3 of them? Huh!

35 is still so young. About 40% of the women I met on maternity leave had all met their partners around 34-38 and had their first babies 36+.

At 34, I was one of the younger mums!

I became single at 35 after leaving a relationship where I was finally told the truth and understood children would not happen for us. Nearly five years on I am with a lovely man and hoping it will work out for me (but who knows?).

I think you need to explore why it’s not clicking. It might be you haven’t met anyone right or it might be that for some reason your subconscious is working against you. If you can afford therapy and aren’t already doing it, think about giving it a go to make sure there is nothing else at play you aren’t aware of.

I am like you - I wouldn’t do it alone. I want a family and not just a baby. Of course you could get the family and then separate who knows. But it’s a very personal decision.

Keep holding on - I dated unsuccessfully for nearly five years and was giving up. It just took one right swipe and I have been genuinely happy now for nearly a year. It’s hard to hear that it’s a numbers game and a matter of luck almost I know because you have no control over that. But if you don’t have any deeper issues lurking that you need to resolve then the odds are that you will meet someone and even if you have to get a wriggle on quickly when you have met then because of the dreaded biological clock you will still likely have time xx

OP - I met my DP a year ago. I am older than you. Don't give up

Never know what life brings I have the husband (who I got with at 30) married at 35 and turns out can’t have kids.

You can only work on being happy as you are.

My mum always said the only person you need to live with your whole life is yourself so make sure you are happy with who you are.

If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be but you can take steps to better your social circle my friend network is very important and I am a god mother and surrogate aunt to many children.

Op, do not give up your dream!! I met my OH at 34, fell pregnant at 36, had DD at 37, and planning on another, and I have just turned 43. When I was single, I thought I would never meet anyone, and it happened when I least expected it. And honestly, 35 is still young enough to meet someone and start a family. Enjoy your life now, it sounds lovely!

I was 35 when I met my now husband, and had very seriously started to look into how I might be able to start a family on my own (donors etc.). I was lucky to meet someone and have ended up with a ‘traditional’ looking family set up, but there are so many other options out there you could explore if you’re open to it. Adoption could also be an avenue to look at?
As other people have said though, don’t write off the thought of having a family. 35 is honestly still young. Hope you have a happy birthday x

Why don't you chikdminder, foster, adopt. Though really think you are looking at the husband/children idea through rose tinted glasses. How many Mnetters are single Mums struggling with finances, childcare, work and family relationships. Don't despair if it really is what you want. Get out, socialise more at work if possible, join some clubs with an interest you are keen on. But, it's not the be all and end all.

I was 33 when I met my now husband, I also thought I'd never have a family of my own but I'm now 45 with 4 kids aged 2-10! Get yourself on dating sites (not tinder) that's where I "met" my husband as have a few of my friends. Get pro-active and maybe next year you'll be celebrating with the love of your life. Good luck 🤞

I really felt for you reading your opening post OP.
Then I read you were 35!!
You sound like you have lots going for you and you still have time.
I believe things fall into place when you stop searching and yearning for what could/should be.

My friend gave up on me right and had twins via sperm donor at 46 - where there’s a will...

Sorry / should have read Mr right

Well if I am honest I really want someone that is my match earning wise and career wise.

Is that really so important. Be careful not to write people off that don't fit that criteria. Sometimes opposites attract. I don't mean a lazy sod but maybe someone earning less is not that bad?

I feel your pain. I found it very very difficult turning 30- although it isn’t old- 30’s are kind of when we hoped / expected to have been slightly more settled in relationships and with kids. I became single at 32 and am clinging on to positivity and experience the loneliness you talk of. It’s hard. So I’m saying, there are others, you’re not alone, we have hope ✊🏻

Your still young. Enjoy your life believe me when you do have children your whole life will change.
Have you thought of fostering there's plenty of children that need love and attention.

35 is still young! Please don't be sad! You never know who is round the corner.

Why don't you chikdminder, foster, adopt

what a ridiculous comment. The OP is not looking for the equivalent of a puppy, she would like her own family.

I think that you need to work out,why you seem to not click with anyone, (your words). There must be a reason for this, unless it's you dreaming about a perfect relationship,and something stops you from having one for some reason.

Don’t give up hope. Life may not have turned out as you’d imagined but it doesn’t mean it’s less of a life.
My mum was 35 when she got married, she met my dad only a year earlier. She had me at 36. They are still together happily married.
One of my best mates got married in her early 20’s, was divorced by mid 20’s and sure that was her one chance. She met her current husband at 33, first kid at 38, second kid at 40, married at 41 and 3rd kid at 43. She’s never thought she’d have kids.
I also have a good friend who always dreamt of the big family, husband, 2.4 kids, pickett fence etc. She found out in early 20’s she’d never be able to have kids. Was devastated but has carved out the most amazing life for herself. She has the most amazing career, she travels, she has an amazing friendship circle and genuinely doesn’t feel like she’s missed out. She is often the envy of us with kids and jobs and husbands to wrangle. She did have very low points don’t get me wrong, it took work but she is so happy.
I’m not trying to belittle your feelings, they are absolutely valid. What I’m trying to say is that you might not always feel this way and you never know what is around the corner.