Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

First time I've ever created a new dating Fred. Roll up, roll up!

Love this thread title! I’ve been lurking for the past couple of threads, but I’m feeling brave enough to post now!

Had a couple of heartbreaks in the past two years, and they’ve completely changed me - I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been OLD for a couple of months (this time around) and I’ve got one iron, let’s call him Mr Smile. I really like him, he’s made it clear he only wants casual at the minute. So do I - but I think we can be casual and exclusive: he doesn’t seem to feel the same way. Which is rubbish!

placemarking

Welcome @bellejarr. I don't think there's anything wrong without setting out expectations at the start. Best do it before you end up on different pages though, that way lies tears. How long have you been seeing MrSmile (if you've met yet, I shouldn't assume you have 🤷🏻‍♀️)

About a month now...we set out the casual expectations within the first couple of weeks. We’re both recently out of relationships, so keeping it casual is a good idea. But the thought of him going on dates with other people doesn’t sit right with me!

@bellejarr I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, you've just got mismatched expectations. At least he's been honest with you. Why don't you just start swiping again? There are men who want something casual but exclusive.

Beautiful title for a thread @JeSuisPrest

Casual but exclusive - I think this is what I want with Mr TDB. I have realised lately that one of my personal boundaries is if I'm sleeping with someone I don't want to share. I don't have the desire to see anyone else right now, but I'm not in any way ready for something serious.

But this feels like having the cake and eating it. How does this work for people?

No and he’s been completely honest with me, which I respect. I have still been swiping but I kind of don’t want to speak to anyone else at the minute. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and although it was nice, I spent the entire time wondering what MrSmile was up to. Ahhh I wasn’t supposed to actually start liking anyone!

It is definitely like having your cake and eating it!

@Coffeeandchocolate9 yes! Ladies first is the rule. And always with the odd exception, both pleasured. Three times in a row... not good.

@Ant330 Good to have a man's opinion. I too thought first time he should be trying to impress. First time with XH he told me he would give me oral until I begged him to stop, and oh he was serious. He must have had DOMS (new word for me, thanks) for a week hahaha

I am going to remember my friend's words (he had a crush on me, but still): "I am a catch and I can do better"

It is going to be awkward after our 2 last dates seemed to "evolve" things. Is a "I can't see us LTR" good enough?

I have just booked my weekend with friends and may send a text to Mr Eyes to do the activity on Saturday :)

Just checking in. Still not ready to take the plunge. Not sure I ever will be.

Hello All, has been a few months and threads since I posted but thought I'd stop by and say hello. I hope everyone is doing well :)

Tonight I broke up with the girl I have been seeing since April, it was an extremely difficult decision as on paper she was everything I had been looking for and such a lovely person but having got to the three month point I kind of felt I had to be honest and let her know there was just something missing, I don't know what it is but I guess the spark and chemistry just wasn't there for it to go any further.

I've had a fab three months with her, we went to Italy for a week after a month of seeing each other and have had some really lovely dates which made the decision even more difficult to come to but I guess if I had stayed with her I would have felt like I would be settling which probably isn't the best basis for a relationship.

I obviously told her as respectfully as possible and told her how it was one of the hardest decisions I've come to. She was obviously disappointed but glad that I had been honest and said I hadn't done anything wrong - she said it wasn't totally unexpected as she had noticed I had become a bit distant the last couple of weeks so I guess she picked up on my doubts. She wants to stay friends though which I am of course more than happy to do.

I'll post properly tomorrow but I'm just waiting for MrSAS to get out off the (my) shower

Apparently he isn't on the apps anymore. I didn't want to probe too much or seem to interested but I did do a little whoop inside!

I go away for 2 weeks in a few days so couldn't have come at a better time.

He's out the shower now...gotta go 😁

@Sunshineandflipflops slowly slowly wins the race..

I'm not sure what on Earth that has to do with it but Yeay! He's catching up.

Weirdly you popped into my head today @richdeniro. While I was cleaning my bathroom. Although it's horrible having to finish with someone I think having a three month relationship and then YOU deciding it's over will be amazing for your self esteem

Thanks for your advice you lovely lot. Me and mr H were/are exclusive only hardly speak or see each other 🙈🤷‍♀️. I'm going to back right off and see if he misses me/makes any effort. I'll have a cheeky little swipe to try and help the hurt 😢

Curious as to why it took THREE months to realise the spark wasn't there richdeniro ?

I'll be honest, having been so unlucky in love for most of my life I probably let it drag on for longer than I should as it was nice being in an exclusive relationship with a nice genuine person who was stable and emotionally available. I also have read about the 'slow burn' rather than massive fireworks and did hope that might have been the case here.

I think I might have been a bit pissed off , just saying

Checking in 💖

Just checking in to new thread. great to hear your update wishywashy , despite being your choice, sorry to hear things ended rich - endings are always tricky regardless of whether you're the dumpee or the dumped.
aubu are you about at all? Just wondered if you're feeling any better after you weekend away.

@TheStuffedPenguin I think 3 months is a crunch point. You don't know straight away if it's going to work out and often by that time you know the person quite well. I think that's fine. You can realise it's not working for you at any point and the spark can go very suddenly.

Checking in on a lovely new thread...great thread name jesuis so just had a goodnight text from MrT 'goodnight my darling girl 😘' made my heart do flip flops. Have got both arsecheeks firmly on the smitten bench.

MrSAS has just left to drive home in the storm and I am lying in bed watching my room light up.

Had a lovely night and he is taking me out for dinner on Thursday as it's my birthday while I'm on holiday.

@richdeniro sorry things didn't work out for you but it takes a lot to end things rather then drag them out after 3 months. Welcome back.