Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@kerkyra try to chill - that message sounds positive enough . Go find some other iron irons so you don't get too invested in him too soon.

@Sparkles57 same with you, or I'd you don't want to find other irons at last keep yourself busy with a hobby or something

@shitwithsugaron that's brilliant!

I’ve been really busy at work so not been around much or managed to catch up on the thread, I will do asap though.

MiniSJT was fine by Friday morning so he went on his usual sleepover after the torture that is Friday morning soft play.

MrNN and I had a night out with some of my friends, I’m not sure he has been exposed to many rugby lads, he just about survived. I stayed sober as having just a few drinks with them is impossible and he isn’t ready for drunk me yet.

We’re off on holiday to Marbs so I won’t see him until I’m back ☹️

I agree with the others who say not to put the ball in her court again Ant fwiw!

I've been having rompy fun with Mr Unserious on whatsapp; we are totally all about the sex and not much else! When his work schedule allows I will see him ;) but under no illusions there will be 'dating'

Meanwhile, I have met Mr Coincidence who seems a very pleasant and intelligent soul. Perhaps a little too wholesome but I sense the potential for good times. Convo was flowing on tinder so i will suggest a meet today.

And i have steadfastly NOT contacted mr chasing-despite-partner even tho i miss his company and want to do him so feeling proud! Almost a whole week now, god bless the men of tinder for keeping me occupied

(The sad thing about mr chaser is i know i wasnt that special to him and there will be others...so, although i've done my bit, his poor wife :( )

Hi all, I'm just coming on here to moan a little bit if that's ok?
I've been on tinder for just about a month now- and still haven't been asked out! I've got over 2000 likes which I'm sure is a lot - and a huge ego boost.
I've only had one good conversation with a really nice guy (I thought) I asked him out, but we never met up and he unmatched me.

I spent yesterday swiping like crazy, got a few more matches and some deathly boring conversations.

I'm also on hinge now- has anyone tried that? It's supposed to be more for dates and relationships. I've had a few one line conversations- but nothing that's got off the ground.

Just getting a bit frantic- as I look really good at the moment- reasonably slim, tanned skin, hair recently done, house tidy, kids with ex a lot over holidays (but won't be once back at school). I'm literally ready to go on dates now! I've been officially single for 4 yrs with no date or snog or flirtation in that time. And married for 10yrs before that.

I'm just panicking that I miss this window of opportunity and go back to not trying to meet anyone.

Had a nice date with Mr B this weekend. He's really most unsuitable for anything long term though so I told him I didn't see him in that way. He was a bit hurt to begin with but seemed ok in the morning. I checked it out with him by text afterwards and he is happy to keep seeing me. He's not seeing or chatting to anyone else. Would prefer me not to but if I do he doesn't want me to tell him.

I think it will fizzle out soon but it's fun for now.

Helpmebefree,that's so frustrating. Are you waiting for the man to ask for a date or hinting you'd be up for one? I know if I chat and a date hasn't been arranged after a couple of days I get bored.i mean,why are they on a site if they dont want to meet!
Last nights date texted goodnight when I was in bed so I didnt reply,but I'm not sure what to txt today. He said he has made alot of friends on pof once a date didnt go romantically and I have a feeling I'm another in the friend zone. Although he says he is wanting a longterm.
Do I send a good morning txt.or a forward one like when our footy teams play each other we could go and watch. Or just sit back and let him chase.
Far too invested and yes I need more irons!

Kerkyra I think if you suggest a footy match he might assume he's got another friend. If you like him, then ask him if he'd like to go out again. Yes you may not get the answer you want but at least you'll know.
Me, I've had a good nights sleep and woken up with a tougher resolve today. I like her but I deserve to be treated much better than this so time to stop pining and move on.

Yeay @Ant330 ! What kind of message did you send if any?

@kerkyra just ask him on another date.

@Notcoolmum sounds perfect. Better not to get involved if he's Unsuitable....

@helpmebefree your window of opportunity is the rest of your life. Relax and keep swiping.

I didn't Peanut, was planning to do it today if I didn't hear from her which I haven't. She's clearly got the hump at what I said about deserving more, but if she doesn't see that herself or think I do, then it's not going to work.
I'm off out shortly going mountain biking with my son so it can wait till I get back.

Yes kerkya you are probably best to move it forward if you can, could you say morning, you had a good time last night, and when would he like to meet again/ is he free on Weds? For example. But word it better than that!!! (Not the best one to give advice!!)

Yes my convos haven't even got to the stage of hinting to meet up yet. Just a lot of 'how's your day' but when I respond in a boring way or interesting way (I think, at least I'm making an effort)- they end up going quiet.
truthfully I haven't had a major spark with anyone- only one who unmatched me, so I'm struggling to get convos going properly.

Ok thanks peanutz that's true!

Ahh,ok ant,thanks. I've been reading a book ' act like a lady and think like a man' and although it has some great tips,it is definitely a bit dated . Talks of men wanting to provide,protect and profess. And also pursue. Think it was written in the eighties so well out of date! Interesting bit about a bf meeting your DC though
So as a man you're happy to be asked out or you'd rather do the asking?

Glad you feel better today

@Notcoolmum he sounds totally invested in you, just be careful he doesn't end up too hurt. Xx

@kerkyra say good morning or whatever and suggest another date - have a thing to do ready in your mind, like visit a museum or a date type event that's happening, I agree with ant not football if you're worried about friendzoning. Dating does involve taking the risk that you might be rejected, but that's part of the game, see the rules on post 1 and remember if they decline another date it's their loss because yurt are the prize! And never has moving on to another person been so easy. Ger swiping a I honestly think it will help you not to over invest in one if you have other real possibilities.

@helpmebefree sometimes it's a numbers game, churning through them until you find a spark.

@Ant330 thinking of you today. Go with what is right for you, you're the only person who has to live with what you decide although we're all totally overinvested - fwiw I wouldn't leave the door open, I think it would lead to me suffering from not knowing more, and there's been quite enough of that and no sign she would actually take action to resolve it. Xx

He txt good morning and how was I? I said watching the news with a coffee and all good thanks.

I cant bring myself to ask,surely if he wanted a date he would ask me. No wonder I'm so shit at this!

Thanks coffee. I've been clear with him why I don't see him as a serious option. I did expect him to end things but he knows where we are now. I'm away for a bit now so we both have some space to think about what we want. I wouldn't want to hurt him. Whilst I have reservations about him, I enjoy his company.

@kerkyra I'm not the biggest expert but when I liked someone I just asked them for a date. So far the two men I asked said yes but if they said no I'd have just blocked them and got the closure I wanted that they didn't see me romantically.

Kerkyra I can't guarantee it but if he's texted you again this morning then he sounds interested.
Oh and I have no issue with a woman asking me out 😂
Maybe he's not confident at taking the initiative which is why he's ended up with friends rather than GFs. If you want another date then ask for one, go on

Ok,will send a ' let me know if you fancy a drink again ' txt. Thanks everyone.
Think it's more my self esteem with this one,I found him really attractive. And had a sneaky peek at his fb and his ex is gorgeous!

I'm on pof and messaging another village man at the mo

@kerkyra my friend taught me an analogy and I think it has worked well for me and those I have suggested it to, too.

Dons glasses, steps up to lecture podium

It's called Caveman theory.

A long time ago, caveman would be hunter, cavewoman would gather. Caveman wanted cavewoman, but didn't know how to get her. He tried teasing her, she sent him away. He tried bringing her rocks, but she didn't want them. He made her a rush mat like the ones she had plenty of already - she just sighed and looked sad. Cavewoman couldn't understand why caveman brought her crap she didn't want or need. He had even sent her a stone carving of his cavepenis once!! Why didn't he just bring her meat to cook on her fire. Surely he could see that warm nut and berry soup would be better with some mamouth meat?! It was obvious, at least to her. Heck, it would be nice to be cooked for occasionally too. But Caveman saw strong independent cavewoman cooking and thought she definitely didn't need any food bringing, and that roast mamouth sandwiches was an insult to such a sophisticated skilled cook. Caveman and cavewoman were both unhappy.

One day, cavewoman did something radical. She told caveman to "I'm hungry. Please go fetch me a mamouth, and I'll cook it on the fire. There will be plenty, you can join me to eat it."

Caveman was overjoyed! Now he knew what to fetch for cavewoman, and even though a mamouth was a bit of an effort, it was worth it because he knew for the first time ever, what cavewoman wanted! Why couldn't all cavewomen just tell all cavemen what they wanted?!

Cavewoman felt overjoyed to see caveman dragging her the mamouth than that she asked for, and the two finally had the date they both craved.

The moral of the story is tell the caveman what you want him to go fetch.

"We seem to be getting on well, would you like to meet? Can you suggest a nice pub on the river, I'd love to watch the world go by"

"Shall we meet up? I'm free on Sunday, why don't you see what's on and suggest a fun activity, i would love to be surprised!"

"I'd live to see the new avengers film with you. Why don't you book the tickets and I'll bring the snacks?"

Thanks 'coffee', it makes total sense looking at it like that. Will take a more direct approach in the future . I always forget how different men and women think

In the interest of not overinvesting I got back on Bumble and swiped any bloke who managed a sentence or more in their bio. Matched with one, sent my usual chatty opening message, and got back "Hi how are you" talk about underwhelmed!
Have given the benefit of the doubt that he's shy or not done much old but did he not even read my message??
Apparently I run the risk of coming across too fierce.
I'm taking inspiration from the pp who said that we have the rest of our lives to play the dating game!

I haven't seen Mr SAS for over a week now and he is going to a Do today, which probably means he will probably be dressed smart (I've never seen him dressed smart) and I am swooning just thinking about it.
That and the offer of rubbing after sun into me when I get home 😍😍😍

Phew...it's hot here 😊😂