He did it again

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

NC.

Sitting here with a swollen black eye. Don't know whether to report as I don't want social services to be involved.

Don't fall for the intimidation tactics. Stay strong. The police and SS will have seen all this before. It's like a script. Don't be scared x

His friend is trying to bully you in order to frighten you.

Block him.

If you must engage tell home that social services are already involved and that it actually has nothing to do with him. He wasn’t there so he only has the word of a violent arsehole, why does he presume he’s been told the truth? He’s a twat.

Please phone the police with this update.

You’ve been hit, now you’re being intimidated and threatened.

Just keep on telling the truth.

The friend is going to report you to social services?! I'd be saying bash on mate! Report everything this tit is saying to you or block him and press on with getting this ex charged.

SS see people like your ex and is little friend ALL THE TIME. they will know what he is from a whiff at 100m.

you need to organise a new phone number - keep the other one to register the abuse you get and report him and his little friend to the police.

Sweetheart, you have done nothing wrong, this is how abusers work. Let SS help you, let womans aid help you, the police, the doctors, all the professionals will know who the villain is, and it's him not you.

Push forward as hard as you can to get this awful little man off the streets and out of your lives.

Just another voice adding to the masses - please do not drop charges.

It is so normal and easy for a victim to believe it’s their fault.

It is NOT your fault.

You held you DC back to protect them.

NO ONE should hit you.

The only acceptable level of abuse is NONE.

Please do not drop the charges.

COURAGE my dear, if not for yourself then for your dc, get them out of this awful bully’s grip.

We are all here cheering you on. Do not give up.

OP please show the police all the messages you're receiving. Please don't reply to them but do report them. What he is telling you is all lies so please don't drop the charges. The police can keep you safe and you'll be safer knowing everything than if you go it alone.

I had my exh arrested for DV against me 13 year's ago and I truly wish I'd done it sooner and before I'd lost a tooth from his punch.

I also need a DBS for my job and did at the time and it's never been a problem.

Please stay safe and be strong, please tell the police now about the harassment and threats from his friend. They will help you

What happens next since ex DP is arrested. Would the police let me know what happens ?

Thank you everyone. I have blocked his friend and have logged the threats with 101.

Well done OP, you've done the right thing. The police should keep you updated, yes.

You were holding your son to stop your ex taking him away, is that right? That's the reason he punched you? If so, SS aren't going to punish you for that, whichever way he tries to spin it. You were doing the right thing, protecting your little one from a violent man.

You're being strong. I know it's hard, but please try not to doubt yourself. You need to do everything to ensure your child never has to witness anything like this again, and SS will want to work with you, not against.

Well done OP. You have nothing to fear from SS if you are trying to keep your DC's safe and they will help keep you all safe.

You've done the right thing reporting to police about the messages.

I can only speak about what happened with me. Once charged my exh was released on bail with bail conditions that he couldn't come near the street. They took his house keys off him (we were both on the mortgage ) and he never lived under the roof again.

You're stronger and braver than you think. Please keep going for you and your little one's sake

I don't know if it's been said already but make sure you take pictures of your eye as evidence.

You are absolutely doing the right thing - don't allow these thugs to intimidate you. Report everything and keep a diary of events.

You are so brave!

The fact that he punched you proves that you did the right thing trying to prevent your child(ren) from going to him/.

Please don't listen to your Mum. Don't drop the charges. If you have no proof then they twist it all later to make it look like you made it up.

This is what happened to me. There were times when I didn't report things because it would have made him angrier in the short term. But everything made him angry with me. I should have reported it all because he wouldn't have dared show his anger to me so repeatedly if it resulted in another charge. He had no fear of me.
All the fear was mine.

You can redress that a little by NOT withdrawing charges.

I agree with a PP, when social services hear that you were punched trying to hold your child back from going to him, they will have THE FULL MEASURE OF HIS CRAPPY CHARACTER.

Hang on - he hit you while you were holding a child. Fucking hell - he is a monster.

So long as it's on record, from now on, there's no way he can spin anything to come out on top! He punched you.

The fact that this is on record will be ''clarifying'' to third parties going forward.

In court, it is difficult to get anybody to listen long enough to understand. Other people tune out before they've wade through the ''he said''', ''She said''. But ''he punched her when she was trying to hold back her child'' is very very very clear.

Right now, he's scared of you and he is doubling down on all of his threats and drafting in supports to try and bully you in to withdrawing the charge because he knows that this is what will paint an accurate picture in the future.

He wants a blank canvas to shift the goalposts, insinuate, besmirch you, blame you, not take responsibility, twist things, spin things, obfuscate................. and he needs you to withdraw the charges in order to be able to do that in the future.

I really hope you will stay strong and not withdraw it.

Because it happened. I'm sure he will blame you. If he says ''it was your fault, you drove me to etc etc'' tell him to explain that to the judge.

Just another one adding a voice:
You did right holding your child and protecting them.
You did right going to hospital.
You did right reporting it to the police.
You've done nothing wrong. No one has the right to hit you. You were in your own home, protecting your child.

I would take a non-molestation order against him as well.

Stay safe OP.

Well done, OP.

Don’t listen to anything he says. You don’t need to listen or believe him for the rest of your life now.

Well done for reporting the threats to the police. Every single time this happens, telephone police, cite your case/ref number and report it. Screenshot and keep any threatening texts/emails/contact of any description that is abusive/threatening (and report them too, every single time). Stand firm.

Let SS help you and the DC. They will, I promise. Keep them updated about what has been happening. Police, SS, schools, work etc know everything that has happened with my ex...and I update all whenever anything new happens. They've all been nothing but supportive and kind.

It's an amazing feeling to have a peaceful life, I promise you that :) xx

Ah the old "but you are abusive too" rebuttal. DV Hotline tell me they hear it all the time. Classic. Stay strong, OP.

Also with women's aid, leave your contact details on the answer phone; they are fairly quick at getting back to you, but the lines are constantly jammed

You're abusive, hmmmm....... and yet which one of you went to hospital?!

OP you did the RIGHT thing holding on to your child.

SS are there to help and protect you and DC, do not be scared.

Do not listen to his friends/family/or your mum.

Get advice from womans aid and SS and the Police.

We are all behind you

I'm a nurse and work in child protection.

So sorry you are going through this. You are definitely not alone. Lots of trusts have domestic violence stuff teams for staff, so it might be worth seeing if you'd does. It usually comes under safeguarding adults. They are very supportive and change change work hours, shift patterns departments etc if it helps keep you safe.

In terms of losing your job that just won't happen. The social worker may do a LADO referral to your manager if they feel it's required but it's important to remember you are the victim here, trying to keep your child safe. There would be more concerns if you weren't doing this.

Stay strong

His friend is as bigger dickhead as he is. The police and SS are not so stupid that they can't see what is going on. As other Mumsnetter's will tell you this is part of the abusers script. The police and SS have heard it all before. Stick to your guns OP.