He did it again

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

NC.

Sitting here with a swollen black eye. Don't know whether to report as I don't want social services to be involved.

[Babysharkdoodoodoodo]

Contact these people. www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-ncdv-will-help-you/
They will help with a non-mol and they don't charge.

[TicTac80]

Sorry for being late back....I was at work! Get on to the NCDV....they'll help you navigate through NMO....and they may even help with a Prohibited Steps Order and/or a Child Arrangements Order. It's worth asking about. I reckon it's worth you paying the £300 for legal help. Have a solicitor fight your corner. I couldn't have got through the last few weeks without my solicitor. She has been amazing. Every single bit of crap he has pulled, I have passed on to her, SS, police and so on. I was terrified (still am), at same time, I'll be damned if I'm going to put up with his crap any more.

Please keep at it, don't drop the charges and don't let him win this one. You have NOTHING to blame yourself for!!! You are NOT at fault. You wouldn't put up with a stranger punching you in the face, no one has a right to do that ever.

Speak to Women's Aid, NCDV, SS and whoever the hell you can. You've got a right to live without fear. Get something in place where contact - if it gets to that after his disgusting behaviour - would be on set days/times and at a contact centre (so you don't even have to see Ex). I have a 3rd party with me at all times when my DC has contact with my ex. I don't answer the phone to my ex, and communicate only via text or email.My solicitor wrote to him, warning him about his abusive behaviour.

The peace you feel once this stuff is done and dusted is immense. I'm already feeling it, and I still have a way to go re: court stuff etc.

Speak to your trusted friends etc, let them support you. And work too. xx

[TicTac80]

PS tell the police etc what you said here about how you don't want him to see the kids (I wouldn't want my ex to see my DC if they'd witnessed him punching me either - kids witnessing that sort of thing is a form of abuse).

God help them if he finds out that I ever have a new partner. Every time he gets close, he then thinks it's ok to do what he wants.

Tell the police, SS, NCDV etc that too.

[WomanLikeMeLM]

I agree, DV Assist helped me get my Non Mol and Prohibited Steps Order. Ring them get the ball rolling.

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I have contacted NDV regarding a non mol and see if they would be any cheaper !

The police contacted me again. It will most likely go to court but he hasn't pleaded it. I don't know if I can do it to be honest. The police also told me that he'll likely be charged with common assault. Is this right ?

Regarding the threat from his friend, the police are saying they want to arrest him but can I persuade them that I would just like this to be logged and to be used as evidence ?

[ColdAndSad]

Please don't try to persuade the police how to do their job. They are trying to protect you by arresting the friend too; it will show your ex and his friend that you mean business, and although it's frightening for you now it will make things better in the long run.

I'm glad you're in touch with the NCDV. They will give you good advice, I'm sure. Keep strong. Don't back down. You have come so far, and are doing so well.

[PrayingandHoping]

Listen to how seriously the police are taking this op. Not just your ex but his friend also. They don't suggest these things for nothing!!

Let them lay the law down to them.... they need to learn how to behave, there are consequences and you aren't scared of them! (Even though inside you are. X)

[magoria]

The friend made his choice to threaten you.

He needs to be shown that his choice was a criminal offence.

Let the police do what they need to. They really don't do things for fun but because there is a clear case.

[Frith2013]

Let the police advise you. They do this every day (sadly).

I’d think of it as getting yourself in a really safe position now, for a peaceful future.

I wonder if Victim Support could help you now and in court? I’m just pondering as I haven’t used their services.

[tribpot]

It sounds like the police want to be sure that, if this guy kills you, they can say they did everything they could to protect you.

I'd let them, if I were you. The statistics speak for themselves about whether staying silent and accepting the abuse increases your odds of survival.

Your mother may feel that you are to blame for not appeasing a bully and an abuser, in your own house. You aren't obliged to agree.

[Sagradafamiliar]

None of it sounds quite right with me to be honest. I don't know if there are miscommunications from their end but this isn't how it works. Do you have a friend or (understanding) relative with you when you're having these police visits to clarify everything afterwards?

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Arresting his friend as well gives both men a very clear message about how seriously the police are taking it, so don't try to discourage them.

You've been afraid of your Ex for all these years. Time for him to fear the consequence of his crimes.

If you refuse to go ahead SS might develop concerns over how willing you are to keep your DC safe. If you let him get away with this assault you're ensuring that it will happen again.

As for your mum... I'm appalled. But as others have said, no doubt she's been the victim of DV and her attitudes are probably the main reason you got involved with a violent man.

But it's not how a decent mum would react to the news that her DD had been beaten up. Most of us would do anything to keep her safe.

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

Sagrad what do you mean ? What sounds odd ?

The police have logged the threat but I have to see them in person to report it.

[timeisnotaline]

PleAse stop actively obstructing the police from trying to help you! Have the friend arrested. Thank the police.

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

His friend knows done bad people that's why I'm hesitant.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Think about it. If your ex and his friend know some bad people and you don't cooperate with the police you're giving your ex total power over you. Why should he ever stop?

He will only stop hurting you when it's not in his interests to do. Cooperating with the police will achieve this.

[lonelyonee]

Please do not let these bullies make you submit to their horrific ways! You need to stay strong and do this for your DC. They do not deserve to witness this or how their "Dad" and his friends treat their mother & make you feel!
Please do this for them if not yourself, things will not get better if you ignore these behaviours.

Also I would be cutting mom out for the time being for being so unbelievably obtuse!
You need support from people who believe in you.
Best of luck and please stay strong xx

[Winterlife]

Tell the police of your fear of the bad people the friend knows.

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

I have to do the non mol order myself. I have to give a high contribution of £700.00... before I only have them a rough estimate but have just given them an accurate estimate of my income and this is it.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

That's a lot of money (at least it is for me,) but I think knowing that he can't turn up at yours or even contact you is surely worth it.

[Sagradafamiliar]

It is free.

[Hidingtonothing]

OP where has that £700 figure come from? Is that the cost of doing it through a solicitor? You can apply to the court yourself online and I was pretty sure they'd waived the fee from April 19 so it shouldn't cost you anything. Have a google for how to apply online and see what you think.

[Ilikesleepinginthedark]

hiding They took down my income and how much I've earned for the past three months. I have to make a contribution for £700.00. That's through the solicitor. Is it free ? I'm going to Google this.

[Frith2013]

Try Rights of Women Guide to Family Law if you’re stuck.

[Frith2013]

You can do it “without notice” which means he doesn’t need to be present in court. You need doctors/police evidence but you’ve got that covered!

And it’s free.