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Original poster

Was he joking?

222 replies

Moofreemum1 · 21/07/2019 19:05

Dating a guy for 6 weeks. Want to take things slowly as I've been really hurt in the past and usually I rush things which I don't to this time. He has just asked if I want to come to his friends birthday meal and meet all his friends. Id be the only women. So I've said I'm sorry I don't feel ready for that yet but that's not a reflection on how I feel about you. I said just want to take things slow.
His response was "Oh so clearly this is going no where then, might as well call it a day now" followed by I'm joking 😂 followed by no I understand as long as we are heading in the right direction.
I kind of feel he weren't joking but trying to mask it as a joke. What do MN think?

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 10:01

Not at all, but I’d say that was more serious than meeting friends. It’s really misleading and I’m not surprised by his responses.

billy1966 · 22/07/2019 10:01

OP,
Good on you for all the work you have done on yourself and your boundaries.

Always listen to your gut.

I would not be happy with a new bf thinking that was an acceptable way to speak to me. At all. Very rude. He feels comfortable speaking to women that way? Sounds very rough to me.

I think you should keep your past strictly to yourself. It is your business and not anyone else's.

Also being "busy" with other things on is a great way to go at a pace you feel comfortable with.

5 or 6 weeks is very little time but it is enough to get a vibe from someone.

Definitely listen to your gut but from what you have written I think he sounds like hard work and rude.

Certainly no prize.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 10:02

Well to me staying at his isn't a huge deal compared with a birthday meal that I would be the only women. To me it's becoming more involved in his life and friends which I'm not ready for yet. I wouldn't invite him to a family or friend meal yet

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 10:10

But you’re sleeping with him and will only naturally develop feelings.

I don’t understand how you can do that but have no interest in seeing what type of friends he has and how he behaves around them.

Have you had counselling or done the freedom programme or anything?

I’m not judging you for your decisions but I find them quite misleading, I think it’s fine to want to go slow but I don’t think it’s ok to pick and choose like you are. Especially when meeting his friends would tell you a lot at this stage and potentially save you a lot of time.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 10:10

jellybean I get your opinion I don't feel it's necessary to keep telling me you think in stringing him on and being ridiculous.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 10:11

Ps, I’m thinking about this both ways. The way you’ve described but also if a friend told me a guy was behaving like this. I’d blankly say- oh, so he’s happy to sleep with you but not happy to meet your friends? That’s really shady.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 10:12

Yes done the counselling and freedom programme and I'm in a much better place than I was. I slept with him and stayed at his before this f you comment and the comments about the birthday meal so I really don't think I was being misleading given these happened after

OP posts:
MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 22/07/2019 10:16

The 'fuck you' would be a red flag for me. He sounds a bit touchy.

Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 10:16

I know a few people who react like that during awkward situations, I think you’re looking at those too far in depth and actually, if you’re thinking like that then why not take the opportunity to learn more about him instead of wasting both yours and his time? Hence the leading him on assumption.

ysmaem · 22/07/2019 10:20

I wouldn't go either after just 6 weeks of dating. I mean, its sweet that he wants to show you off already but it's also super rushed.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 10:35

Yes, I'm the type who wouldn't want to meet friends yet. I'd keep it to dates for 2 for a while.

upple · 22/07/2019 10:40

'Fuck you', is aggressive, even when said in a smiley, jokey way. 6 weeks in.....what comes next?

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 10:43

@upple yes I know. It does.
I'm sorry I didn't want to drip feed but wanted opinions based on this incident alone.
However he has told me he has done steroids in the past and part of me still wonders if he still does them. This was the 1st strike I spoke of before and I thought he said he doesn't know so I'll see how it goes. Now I'm wondering if he still does with these little outbursts.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 10:49

Then why is this even a post, stop wasting energy on this and just go your separate ways.

MiniMum97 · 22/07/2019 10:50

@Moofreemum1 I am not sure he is putting his issues into you? Sounds like he had an initial reaction to a perceived hurt and then backtracks when he realises that may not have been the right response.

It sounds to me as if you are seeing him through a filter of your issues. Understandable but I think you are being a bit harsh.

I also think that his invite meant he wanted to show you off. Maybe he just wanted you to meet his friends and didn't realise it would make you uncomfortable.

If you don't like him, stop seeing him. You don't need an excuse.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 10:58

jellybean I don't really like the way you've spoken to me or people on here. So I think you should just stop with your opinions. It's ok having a different one but to keep going on is different

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 22/07/2019 11:10

You asked for opinions and I’ve given mine. I’m entitled to keep writing on a thread with more points, if that offends you then don’t ask.

I am not the problem.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 11:20

Not even going to rise to that. Have a good day jellybean

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 22/07/2019 12:06

Ignore the bating OP. You don’t have to do a thing you don’t want to do, and if some shit stirring stranger on the internet doesn’t like it then they’ll have to go and find another little mouse to play with. Just ignore.

TheStuffedPenguin · 22/07/2019 12:45

Think your original post should have had more information . Hate a drip feed.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 16:39

Sorry didn't mean to drip feed but wanted opinions of this incident.

OP posts:
Antibles · 22/07/2019 17:40

'Fuck you' is not nice. Not nice at all. It's not a joke and it will get worse. No lovely man I've ever dated has ever said such a thing to me. I think you'll be ditching this one. Glad you've got your instincts about you, they will serve you well. About the steroids, notice that you are, as a nice person, making an excuse for him. This is a red flag all of its own.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/07/2019 19:47

I agree @Antibles I just need to call it off but I don't know how. I always worry how they will react because I've had some men go weird on me and harass me. So I don't know what to say?

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 22/07/2019 20:03

Think i agree with others, how is inviting you to meet family and friends too much?
I agree that this does seem like mixed messages.
If you’re not happy just end it, doesn’t seem like you’re a good fit.
I also wouldn’t say him saying fuck you is automatically a red flag or aggressive, really depends how it was said.

PetrolBastard · 22/07/2019 20:13

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