How much porn is okay?

[wantobeamum]

Strange title I know! But seriously, I know my husband is somehow finding the time and the space to be able to watch porn on his phone because embarrassingly we were at his parents house and I had to google something and went to type on his phone and the first thing in the search bar was porn-related so from there felt the urge to look at his history and BAM! I think it's ok for a guy to watch some porn but how much is too much and when does it become not ok?

I don't think it's ok at all. Maybe ethical porn, but that is hard to source.

Not ok.

It's one of the reasons I choose to he single 🤷‍♀️

So the only reason you know is that you found evidence...

If you hadn't found the evidence, you wouldn't know.

Which suggests that however much he looks at porn, it's not getting in the way of his responsibilities or daily life. Beyond that, why do you care 'how much'?

Ethics is a different question entirely.

Not okey at all.

When it negatively effects your life together. I asked oh why he had replaced our love life with porn he replied what love life? That hurt a lot.😢

None. It's really damaging.

Surely that's for you to decide. For me an acceptable level of porn is zero porn.

For me an acceptable level of porn is zero porn.

This ^^

How long is a piece of string....

Seriously though, how are you with porn generally ?? If you're ok with it then does it really matter when, where or how many times, as long as it doesnt interfere with your sex life (ie, putting his needs ahead of yours or not wanting to be intimate with you as he's recently done it already). Watching it whilst visiting relatives is a bit much though..

To answer your question it would be good to know the following....

Does he have a high sex drive & is his needs being met? Lots of threads on here where posters are moaning because their dp's are demanding or pestering for sex. If he's leaving you alone & seeing to himself then surely that's ok.

Not ok. Dealbreaker for me.

For me, a porn habit is something I'm ok with. I'd hate you to see what's on my phone. I have my ways of trying to manage it ethically though I'm sure they're challengeable. I'm sorry to say it has done a lot for my sex life, I wish that weren't the case (ie that sex had been good without it ) but it has.

That being said, your original q was about a level - if it's not affecting you or your marriage, I would leave it alone. I'd also talk to him about it, what he enjoys, what he doesn't. But that's how my sex life improved, maybe yours is fine as it is.

Bloody hell there's some judgey people on here. If it doesn't affect your relationship OP then it's fine.

Agree with PPs that it's up to you to set the boundaries you find acceptable in your relationship, depending on your views on porn.

For some, the acceptable level is zero. For others, any level is fine, as long as it's not affecting their relationship.

We don’t have too much of a sex life maybe a couple times a month, but I’ve tried to initiate it a couple times before and when he’s not up for that but watches porn of course it frustrates me.
I feel like I don’t mind him watching it as long a sit wasn’t all the time but now when he’s in the bathroom too long or stays up later than he normally would I find myself thinking is he watching porn? lol
He often says he’s too tired tbh. I’ve tried talking to him about it in the hopes it might improve our sexual relationship side but he just acts uncomfortable and shuts the conversation down.

Hmm...you have sex a couple of times a month but he watches porn a lot more. Not good. I would usually say you watch porn if you have a good sex drive......not the other way round.

I would worry that there is something else going on. What sort of porn is he watching..?? Things you dont like or wouldnt entertain..?? Gay porn or extreme stuff..?? I have no problem with porn & have watched almost all types. I'm currently single but in relationship I would prefer my partner to be on the same page as me on this. Couldn't ever date anyone who had a problem with porn. In fact my last fwb was way more into than me.

I think you really need to talk to him about it & see what's going on . I couldn't be with someone who prioritised porn over our sex life.

Totally unacceptable.

None.

I’m a 40 something female. Sometimes I watch porn and l’m not ashamed to say so. Porn is not just a male thing. Men have exclusive rights to enough things in my view.

The answer to the question is that it depends what people are comfortable with.

It's possible that the porn he watches isn't necessarily a "replacement" for the sex you aren't having. Having a wank on your own takes quite a different level of energy and involvement than sex with a partner. Him stopping or reducing porn use might not necessarily solve the problem. So maybe try not to worry about the "Is he watching porn every time he's in the bathroom?" question.

However, it sounds like there is a problem as the two of you aren't having as much sex as you'd like and it's totally reasonable for you to want to address that. I agree with hadthesnip that it sounds like something else is going on if he seems to be avoiding having sex with you and avoiding talking about it. Couples counselling maybe??

If he only want sex with you twice a month but watches a fuckton of porn, I'd say that was a problem.

None. The men who watch it don't have good attitudes towards women even if they claim otherwise. Women are just an object to ejaculate into or onto-a means to an end and never an equal. The porn industry is not one that even considers women's rights let alone values and respects them. It would be a deal breaker for me.

I think porn is bad for women and bad for society. I don't think it should be legal.

it's kind of a deal breaker for me. my ex used to stay up till 3/4am watching it, or jerking off to other girls on webcam (caught him twice doing it). i'd come down in the morning and he'd have left his jizzy kitchen paper on the side of the sofa. absolutely disgusting. it was an emotionally and physically abusive relationship so that really killed it for me. because of him, it's a deal breaker for me.

Porn is OK in moderation. However, if he's not having sex with you, struggling to get it up or maintain an errection, or paying for porn (Or all 3), then he may have a porn addiction.

I've never had a problem with my partner watching porn until I dated a porn addict.

Thanks Dtpeabody .....Nothing like a sweeping generalisation to tar everyone with your views. If you read the full thread you'll find some woman have posted saying they view porn & enjoy it. I feel sad sometimes that some women have such a negative view of men & sex.

FWIW I think many women in porn know exactly what they are doing & getting into. Sure, some women are probably co-erced or trafficked, but then there is good & bad in all walks of life.