How much porn is okay?

[wantobeamum]

Strange title I know! But seriously, I know my husband is somehow finding the time and the space to be able to watch porn on his phone because embarrassingly we were at his parents house and I had to google something and went to type on his phone and the first thing in the search bar was porn-related so from there felt the urge to look at his history and BAM! I think it's ok for a guy to watch some porn but how much is too much and when does it become not ok?

I’m really baffled now- and a bit of me is wondering whether you are posting in good faith. I do not want to make women who like being filmed feel shame. I want to stop people making money out of vulnerable, exploited and trafficked women.

But my point is they are not all vulnerable exploited women.

You are truely not listening to or accepting that fact.

“But my point is they are not all vulnerable exploited women.”

I know.
The question you are refusing to answer is “How can you tell the difference?”

@BertrandRussell

I've answered this already. You currently can't. But to ban all porn as a result is not, in my opinion, the answer.

How do you know for example, that the clothes you are currently wearing were not made by exploited young children working for crap money in terrible conditions? Should we ban all clothes too?

Eww. I wish people who liked porn actually saw the depths and grossness of the industry. So yeah if they think abuse, trafficking and selfishness in their lives is good then sure enjoy porn but just don’t think of what’s really happening on the screen. Use the abuse for your pleasure. Right. Otherwise no. See what it is and say no. You really don’t want this in your life. But still half the population will come on here and glorify it and reason it’s fine, the pornographers (those in porn) like it and were not abused at all aged 10, 15 or 20. No they sign up for it with a happy life and happy face. They also will come here and argue they and their partner enjoy it together so of course it’s ok. It’s my choice and my business etc. Nothing to do with the fact that they are choosing to get stimulated by abuse. Sure. Right. OP. No. Don’t allow it. If he’s into it get him to get help.

I’ve already answered that
one too. Hey ho. Just another person thinking that their right to wank to porn is paramount.

Let's agree to disagree.

right to wank to porn is paramount.

I think this is what it comes down to a lot tbh. If, like clothing, porn was a necessity then I think there would be a better argument to be made. It shouldn't dramatically affect or impact on someone's wellbeing or health not to watch porn and if someone does need it, that's an even bigger issue.

BertrandRussell and pinkunicornsparkles and anyone else who “wants to look after those being filmed who say they enjoy it” or support those in this culture who are “happy” go and volunteer and help local protistutes in your home town. Take them tea and biscuits. Get to know them. Hear their stories. Spend time with them then I’d love to hear your reflections. You get quite a different perspective. But hey for those of you just enjoy porn and think it’s “your right” to watch it don’t get to know these people. Just look out for yourselves and keep doing what you’re doing (which I’m sure you will. The real story of what actually is happening will be ignored by you and many others). It’s the saddest thing in the world but “no” just do what makes you happy and ignore the truth and keep spouting the words you’ve heard others say “they like it” “it’s their choice” “the get paid” blah blah blah. It goes on.

Should we ban all clothes too?

No, because 1) we need clothes and 2) it is relatively easy to source non-exploitative clothing. We don't need porn so if it's too hard to find ethical porn (spoiler:it is) we can just not use it. For me it's a bit like cocaine - we know cocaine is bad, not just for us and locally but also for the adults and children in countries it comes from. I don't actually have a huge problem with drug use per se but seeing as we can't divorce cocaine use from the context in which it occurs, I disagree strongly with using it.

Everyone's answer to how much porn is too much will be very different. For me I dont mind porn, both me and my boyfriend watch it separately. It hasn't affected our relationship. I dont know what he watches and how much and vice versa. If porn is something you dont agree with or that you feel he watches to much porn then you need to speak up and tell him. Bottling it up and brushing it under the carpet wont do any good.

@BertrandRussell I’m really baffled now- and a bit of me is wondering whether you are posting in good faith.

that's ironic because I've been wondering the same about your posts - they are offered as attempts to understand but then keep shifting and asking for more information. @pinkunicornsparkles said that you'd perhaps just be best to agree to disagree but you don't seem happy with that.

see also Sealioning en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sealioning

@GuitarDadOf2 100%

ysmaem if you like porn and think your boyfriend should be allowed it, go visit a country where not just women are prostituted but also children. Get to know the people in your world being used for these trades. Get to know the boyfriends of these girls - their pimps. They all have horrible stories. I wish the lot of you would wake up and go meet these people. What you get through a screen is fake. You jerk off in your comfy homes to pure deprevation. None of you deep down like the idea of an adult or child being sexually abused. It horrifies most of you and I guess you’d get angry or scared if there was a sex attack near your house or if someone you knew got attacked. Don’t believe the crap that porn is safe and ok and no harm. Go and meet people in your local town who sell their bodies. Go overseas and volunteer for organizations who help kids recover from this lifestyle. And don’t just support a world vision child to eat more food, support a child coming out of trafficking. There are schools being built in some counties just for that. There are so many kids coming out of this it is truly necessary. And stop watching your porn and satisfying your body desires at the expensive of someone else’s misery. Go and actually do something.

“that's ironic because I've been wondering the same about your posts - they are offered as attempts to understand but then keep shifting and asking for more information”

Nope. I have consistently asked for the same information. I have asked a) for details of definitely ethical porn b) how we can tell if any
particular porn is ethical. On getting the answer “we can’t” to the last one, I said I could not understand why people support the porn industry, bearing in mind that women are exploited in it and it has no benefit to individuals or society. If that’s sealioning, I hold my hands up. If we’re talking debating ploys, I have seen plenty of strawmanning, whataboutery and DARVO.....

“that's ironic because I've been wondering the same about your posts - they are offered as attempts to understand but then keep shifting and asking for more information.”

And then continually immediately forgets that the answers she requests have already been provided repeatedly and just repeats them no matter the answer. Or as is most likely pretends to have forgotten.

“On getting the answer “we can’t” to the last one, I said I could not understand why people support the porn industry, bearing in mind that women are exploited in it and it has no benefit to individuals or society.”

People aren’t exploited in all industries. You might as well tail against shoes or agriculture.

Whether or not something has any benefit to society isn’t something you get to decide.

StreetwiseHercules

Who do you know who has real experience of working in the porn industry?

(Top tip, the women you’ve cracked one out to over YouPorn don’t count)

“People aren’t exploited in all industries. You might as well tail against shoes or agriculture.

Whether or not something has any benefit to society isn’t something you get to decide”

Happy to rail against the exploitation of workers in any industry and do what I can to improve things.

Does porn benefit society?

Those saying zero porn obviously don't watch it themselves. Some doesn't hurt, surely? I think the limit is when it starts to interfere in your relationship.

None at all. Unfortunately I’m dealing with that at the moment & in all honesty it’s f*cked up our marriage. Time will tell next steps.

Seriously you guys go on about clothes, shoes, agriculture and the environment? This is a question on porn and sex not general ethics. Porn is in your homes and prostitution in your home towns, as is sex attacks on women, children and less occasionally men. It is at the root of these industries - agriculture (people in different countries to pick fruit etc), and who makes your shoes or your latest clothes. Sex comes into it all. Closer to home some of your partners visit prosututues and you indulge in porn. You can go on about ethical porn, ethical clothes and ethical food etc but you’re all skipping the fact that porn and prostitution (same thing) is unethical and afftects many women and children. I wonder how many women you know of or see or pass by in the street someone who has had to give their bodies away for money to survive and raise their families or maybe they just portray its all good to sell their bodies and record it for entertainment when deep down inside they are sad, depressed, used and abused. Just think about it. Look around and maybe go beyond your own lifestyles that you say is ok, comfy and ethical. It doesn’t take much to step into someone else’s world and find out the truth. I can guarantee all of you have a heart enough for this that you would totally change your point of views on porn if you actually did this. Or maybe just go back to your ethical food, ethical porn and ethical clothes discussions. Have fun justifying it all.

I am not affected by porn,as in not married now, and no man in my life. But I would be bothered if I was with a man who had the need to view porn all the time.I say bothered,but would not like to be with a guy who needed all this. I am not a prude,or narrow minded at all, porn is all over the place these days,and the makers of Porn films are making lots of money from it,as there is a worldwide market for it.

I don't view this stuff at all,, but when you see Tv documentaries,as in behind the scenes of porn studios, it all seems crappy,shitty and ridiculous,but it seems that the porn actors who do it,are enjoying doing it,not sure if they get paid well..

I don't agree that porn women are exploited,which is often said, they do it for the money,and know what they are getting in to.

But it seems that,reading on here,that the issue of men,partners and husbands etc,is spoiling,or even ruining lots of relationships,which doesn't affect me, but it's all crappy and sad.

Seriously you guys go on about clothes, shoes, agriculture and the environment?

Well I brought up that there's rape abuse etc in marriage and questioned whether we should ban marriage.

But that apparently didn't make sense.

I brought up about the clothes thing and that seemed to make sense, only you can't compare the two.

I'm another one saying Zero. Zero is acceptable.

Porn harms women. Not just those compelled/coerced/trafficked but the women in everyday life affected by the misogynistic, entitled and unrealistic expectations of porn users.
Recently we had those two young lesbians beaten up on a bus for refusing to provide girl-on-girl action for drunken yobs' entertainment.
Porn is not acceptable. Need something in your wank bank? Use your imagination or read erotica.