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Original poster

How much porn is okay?

231 replies

wantobeamum · 19/07/2019 15:44

Strange title I know! But seriously, I know my husband is somehow finding the time and the space to be able to watch porn on his phone because embarrassingly we were at his parents house and I had to google something and went to type on his phone and the first thing in the search bar was porn-related so from there felt the urge to look at his history and BAM! I think it's ok for a guy to watch some porn but how much is too much and when does it become not ok?

OP posts:
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13
BunnyKelly · 20/07/2019 07:34

'Zero porn' is an achievable target for the average man, assuming he's discreet and has fair to middling IT skills. And is a good liar.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 07:37

Zero prob is also achievable for a decent man who understands about exploitation and does not want to get his rocks off watching trafficked and exploited women being sexually abused for the profit of pirographers.

StreetwiseHercules · 20/07/2019 07:40

“but I’ve tried to initiate it a couple times before and when he’s not up for that but watches porn ”

I think that’s the only real issue. A man who watches porn but is not up for sex is an anathema to me and I say that as a man. I don’t think I’ve ever declined sex in my life.

Almost all men and most women watch porn at times, so those who say that the mere act of watching porn is a dealbreaker are not living in the real world and do not have realistic expectations of partners. They are also not respecting the choice or autonomy of other adults. If another grown adult chooses to watch porn that is not another person’s business.

BandsAndBeer · 20/07/2019 07:42

I feel sad sometimes that some women have such a negative view of men & sex.

I have a very positive view of men and sex. I've had some great sex with men who don't use porn. Sex with those who do, however, is boring and unsatisfying in so many ways.

I'd rather have no sex than crap sex.

SimonArch1983 · 20/07/2019 07:42

Once again is it any more exploitative than being kept in an office for 8 hours a day, the other option being broke/homeless.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 07:43

“If another grown adult chooses to watch porn that is not another person’s business.”

Whether or not I want to have a relationship with that person is my business though.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 07:44

“Once again is it any more exploitative than being kept in an office for 8 hours a day, the other option being broke/homeless.”

Yes.

BandsAndBeer · 20/07/2019 07:46

They are also not respecting the choice or autonomy of other adults. If another grown adult chooses to watch porn that is not another person’s business

That works both ways though and it is someone else's business if that person would choose not to be in a relationship with someone who uses porn.

I wouldn't expect anyone to change their behaviours on a great many things but I have the right to decide the sort of person I am in a relationship with.

Although, like I said, it's usually pretty obvious from the sex. I wouldn't stick with someone where the sex was crap anyway!

SimonArch1983 · 20/07/2019 07:47

Right.........

StreetwiseHercules · 20/07/2019 07:47

“Whether or not I want to have a relationship with that person is my business though.”

That’s right, but your expectations of other adults, male or female, are not realistic.

The association of sex and shame still seems to be a problem.

It’s normal and not shameful for adults to be interested in sex and porn, sex toys, whatever are an outlet for many.

Do you think nobody was ever exploited working in factories making vibrators?

Lizzielocket · 20/07/2019 07:47

Porn in moderation as long as it doesn’t affect your sex life and it sounds as if it’s affecting yours.
My ex was a prolific user and wanted to try many things that I wasn’t comfortable with, he was 10 years younger than me, I’ve noticed many men aged 30 or younger see anal, choking and deep throating as the norm. It’s really sad. I pity young women who feel they have to tolerate this shit.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 07:48

Simon- do you know anything about the porn industry?

BandsAndBeer · 20/07/2019 07:49

It’s normal and not shameful for adults to be interested in sex and porn, sex toys, whatever are an outlet for many

Sex and sex toys aren't the same as porn though.

SimonArch1983 · 20/07/2019 07:50

Do you know anything about the architecture industry?

BandsAndBeer · 20/07/2019 07:52

🤣 she probably doesnt, know much about it, no. But unless she's talking to a load of architects and spouting nonsense it doesnt really matter does it? 🤣

StreetwiseHercules · 20/07/2019 07:52

That’s right. Things are not the same as each other. And not all porn in the same.

There are people here who have the view that all porn is exploitative and bad, but how can that possibly be the case unless sex in itself is considered in some way bad?

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 07:56

0K.

You tell me how you ensure that the porn you use is made by people reasonably happy in their work, fully consenting, reasonably and legally paid, in reasonably pleasant and safe working conditions and with full employment rights.

BandsAndBeer · 20/07/2019 07:57

I'm not even coming to 'no porn' from an it's exploitative perspective. There are other people to do that and it's too easily derailed with talk of ethical porn.

My personal experience is that it makes men shit at sex. It's really obvious and life is too short for shit sex.

It's so obvious that I generally don't even bring up talking about porn. I just let the sex speak for itself.

In the last 7 years that I've been single, I've had sex with one man who didn't use porn. All the rest did. And it was really fucking obvious!

If you really have to use porn - don't be shit at sex!

SimonArch1983 · 20/07/2019 07:59

"You tell me how you ensure that the porn you use is made by people reasonably happy in their work, fully consenting, reasonably and legally paid, in reasonably pleasant and safe working conditions and with full employment rights." prove that about anyone doing anything!

StreetwiseHercules · 20/07/2019 07:59

Basic research will do that, and common sense. Are you arguing that this doesn’t exist?

AloneLonelyLoner · 20/07/2019 08:00

My lover watches porn when we aren't together and we have watched it together. But it doesn't affect our sex life (in terms of frequency) as we jump on each other at every available opportunity. He's also amazing at sex. Really.

My ex watched porn and wouldn't have sex with me.

The key is if it is not acceptable to you or if it affects your sex life then it's too much. Otherwise how long is a piece of string?

Ounce · 20/07/2019 08:00

Another vote for 'none'.

I don't believe sexual consent can be bought and sold, any more than medical consent. And I'm not attracted to men who think it can, for what should be pretty fucking obvious reasons.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2019 08:01

“Basic research will do that, and common sense.“

Really? What sort of basic research? How do you research the working conditions of an unnamed woman in an unnamed location in an unnamed country?

StreetwiseHercules · 20/07/2019 08:06

Firstly, answer my question please Betrand. Are you arguing that it doesn’t exist?

SallyWD · 20/07/2019 08:27

I think it's OK now and then but if he becomes obsessive about it and it interferes with your sex life then it's a problem..