Postpartum, Prolapse & Sex Pest DH

[Mischone]

I'm 8 weeks pp with our second child. My birth was a nightmare consisting of no pain relief, a second degree perennial tear and stitches, a severe postpartum hemmorage which required a blood transfusion and I developed sepsis from invasive group A strep which frankly could have killed me. and breath!

After a fortnight in the hospital I was allowed home but still not completely well, racked with anxiety, on antidepressants and it was then that I discovered the damn prolapse. Lucky me.

Said prolapse has left me feeling like I have constant cystitis so suffice to say I have little interest in sex plus I'm still pretty traumatised by whats gone on down there, which I think is reasonable given the circumstances?

I attempted to DTD at 5 weeks PP for DH's benefit more than my own as he'd gone about a month with no sexual contact (poor man - rolls eyes) but it was awful and only confirmed my suspicions that it was far too soon and I really wasn't ready, physically or mentally. I told him how I felt and he was sympathetic.. I thought.

A couple of days surpass and he's giving me the come on again, with various proposals and offers to do things to me like he's doing me a favour, when all I'd really like is a cuddle and a bit of TLC that doesn't involve his appendage or anything else.

We've had some other limited sexual contact since then (this has been me trying to keep him happy - I can't really be arsed with it and feel horrible down below) but it's never enough, or often enough, or for long enough. He doesn't sulk per say, but let's it be known how frustrated he is.

DH has an extremely high sex drive and doesn't seem to grasp the fact I'm just not interested in his penis at the moment, his tongue or anything else. If it's relevant he's on the autistic spectrum, high functioning and unless you know him well you'd never know that, but he's known for coming across as inconsiderate which may or may not be related to the ASD.

He keeps sending me dirty texts whilst he's at work thinking I'm going to succumb to his obvious irresistibility when he gets in. He's trying it on when he's at home every day, turning a loving kiss into a grope and then looks deflated when I (tentatively) reject his advances. He tries to 'tempt' me by flashing me when he's on his way to the bathroom or getting changed, and he's even resorted to sending bloody dick pics.

Last night when I went up to bed before him he sent a stupid text asking me not to use a sex toy because he wanted me to save myself for him today. I had no intention of using a flipping vibrator last night and have no intention of having relations with him tonight. My bits feel awful which he hears about every day.

What would you recommend I do in this situation, short of LTB?

Am I neglecting my husband because i should I be getting back to normal by now?

I forgot to add.. I'm a regular MNer but have name changed. This is quite an embarrassing one so don't want it linked back to my less personal posts.

Your husband is disgusting. There's really not much else to say.

I feared somebody would say that

Gross

Just gross.

You're not neglecting your DH! Oh boo hoo. He's not had sex for a few weeks. You've grown another human being in your belly and pushed it out of your nether regions. He should have a bit of respect for that.

I think in this situation, I would be direct, blunt and not beat around the bush:

"DH, I will not be having sex with you for the next few weeks. Imagine you'd just pushed that # POINTS TO BABY # out of your bum hole. It'd fucking hurt wouldn't it? My vagina fucking hurts. I'm going to need a lot more time to heal down there. And quite frankly, your lewd texts, flashing and gropes aren't helping right now."

And don't give him any more mixed signals by trying until you're ready, otherwise you'll undermine yourself.

(I mean, hand jobs are probably ok if you can he arsed I suppose but be clear that's where you draw the line!)

No you are most definitely not 'neglecting him' & I'd be telling him he better stop being such an utterly, selfish prick or else he won't be sharing your room for much longer !!!! You've carried that baby for 9 months, endured what sounds like a horror birth & now you have to fend off an aggressive husband with the horn whilst you shuffle around the house in pain, with a newborn. Unbelievable!!!!

He sounds utterly dreadful. He’s demonstrating a total lack of respect for you.

Jesus christ , tell him to leave you alone!!

What is wrong with these men who think it is their right to have sex when they want it?!

There is no way my DH would ever ever act like this, after the birth of my 3 dc he waited for me to initiate anything remotely sexual!

I really don't like how quick a lot of MNers are quick to say tell him to fuck off for the slightest thing, but in this case it would be totally justified!

I've been single and therefore sex-free for about 2 months now with a pretty high sexdrive and astonishingly I haven't dropped dead from lack of sex.
He needs to understand that what he'd PREFER is completely off the table for the foreseeable future. Does the man not know how to have a wank?

He’s a nasty, selfish cuntweasel. I’d never want to sleep with him again tbh

Autism =/= Being a sex pest.

My DH was a bit keen for sex after both our kids were born. First was undiagnosed breech so I had emergency c-section. Scar was incredibly painful. I told him about the pain, etc and that doctors said absolutely no sex at all for minimum 3 months, he was a bit disappointed but went along with it. Second was Vbac with second degree clitoral tear and prolapse. I said the doctor had said absolutely no sex for minimum of 3 months, he was again disappointed but didn’t argue or put any pressure on me. I did do some hand jobs etc. on him but wouldn’t let him near me as was in agony. I wouldn’t normally advocate lying in a relationship but it really took the pressure off and he was a bit more understanding of my degree of pain.

Ugh, that's horrible. I am four months PP and had a C-section so no damage down there, but have been feeling weird about resuming normal activities for some reason (plus by bed time I am knackered) and my DP hasn't said anything about it or pressured me at all. I think you need to be crystal clear and tell him to back off.

Ergh he sounds revolting! Nothing more likely to dry up your fanny like a disgusting sex pest!

You've been through so much and are still recovering and he should be respectful of that.

You aren't neglecting him, he has hands and can sort himself out. He is trying to guilt trip you. If he continues, I would be reconsidering your relationship. I don't how you can look at him the same way as before when he sees you as a wank sock not his wife/mother of his child.

As if by fate he has JUST text me saying "so is there a possibility of me doing my idea later? Mmm"

This is what I mean. This is how he is. It's hard for me to remember his good points (which he does have) when he's acting like a dog on heat.

We chatted on the phone earlier on and I told him I wasn't feeling very well, he said he'd run me a nice bath when he gets home and give me a back massage. Lovely I thought. How sweet.

Then this.

Bloody agenda isn't it.

Tell him he's edging into dodgy territory with his pestering and if he doesn't pack it in without whinging he'll be sleeping in another room for a while.

I really would make use of the words fuck off.

Stop trying to appease him, you're 8 weeks PP and can't be bothered. Tell him to get a toy of his own. The flashlight turbo thrust is particularly nice for dudes apparently.

You're being too nice OP, just tell him straight. Normal service will be resumed when you're ready, not when he is, and that won't be anytime soon.

He sounds horrible. I feel sorry for you.

Shitting hell, this sounds horrendous. He needs to tie it in a knot!! I think you need to VERY firm and clear (if you haven't already) that sex is off the cards for the foreseeable future and that his behaviour is grossly unacceptable.

He tries to 'tempt' me by flashing me when he's on his way to the bathroom or getting changed, and he's even resorted to sending bloody dick pics

Well thats attractive 😳🙄

Tell him that hes turning you off and to go have a wank like a normal person.

What a selfish, vile husband you have.

You had an horrific birth and contracted a deadly disease afterwards. On top of that, you have a prolapse, and he is pestering you for sex!!!

Even typing that out made me feel angry.

Tell him to back the fuck off and if he can't respect your boundaries, you're going to have to rethink the future.

He should be aiding you to help your body heal, not want to stick his dick in you.

Urgh. And the sex toy comment. Urgh makes me shudder.

I am so sorry for where you are at OP, but as someone said, you are being too nice.

It really is off putting isn't it.

Unfortunately for him his behaviour is only making me less attracted to him sexually which is a shame because i do find him attractive and enjoyed our sex life previously.

The astonishing thing is that I'm pretty sure he's seeing to his own needs iykwim, but still pesters me.

I don't know anything about sex addiction or whether it's actually a genuine thing but if it is then he's got it.

Tell him to fuck off. On his own.

Bloody arse. I can think of few things worse than having to fend off an oversexed arse when all my bits were as yours are lass. He should be bloody thankful you're still here and treating you with gentle care.

Fucking grim. Tell him he’s a revolting sex pest.

Honestly I’d make it crystal clear that all his pestering is making you LESS interested in having sex not more.

Have you actually sat down and had a conversation about it?

I’m 4.5 months post partum and actually got a Gynae appointment tomorrow as I’ve had repeated uterus infections. My husband hasn’t bothered me for sex at all. I know he’d like sex but being an actual grown up he realises that pushing an enormous baby out a little vagina can leave you not big into the sex for a bit.