Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I was giving someone else chance to start this one but I got impatient!

My finger was itching Sunshine, but well done. Good title👍. Starting the roll call.... JeSuis checking in.

So Mr Art is out for belated Father's Day drinks with his dad tonight. Don't feel quite so pissed off now and he said he'd rather be drinking wine with me. Might not call it a day just yet.

@Sunshineandflipflops at least he didn't blow you off for some mates. I think that's nice that he's spending time with his dad and even nicer that he's told you he'd rather be with you. Have you discussed what his plans are regarding his current living arrangements? Is he saving deposit etc to get on the property ladder or is he very happy at home being waited on hand and foot by a doting mother? bitter experience.

I’ve spent ages reading the threads and I need help...
First date with anyone in 17 years on Thursday. I am terrified and excited. We’re meeting late afternoon in the city centre for a few drinks and see how it goes. What do I wear? What do/don’t I talk about? How do I not look like a nervous lunatic? How do I judge if he’s as nice as he seems or a bit of an idiot? Help me!!

Thanks for the new thread Sunshine.

Looks like I will be all by myself again. My date from last night has decided he doesn't want to see me again.
He wants someone who can go away for weekends, holidays etc and spontaneously go somewhere for the day. I can't do that because of my kids.

Feeling a bit pissed off this evening. Not because of him. But because in general, men don't have to worry so much about childcare. I get not quite 2 evenings and 2 days free, every couple of weeks. My date had no responsibilities, other than himself.
My ex gets to travel round the world with work and stay a few extra days here and there, whenever he wants.

@JeSuisPrest I think he'd like to move out but no idea when. He's not sure exactly where he wants to be at the moment. He did live with a family member for a while then the landlord sold the flat at short notice so moved in with his parents.

I would want to be out asap if it were me but I think (some) men are quite happy to be mothered.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sorry to hear that. I agree about it being easier (generally) for men post split. I also get 2 evenings one week, one evening and a weekend the next and my ex gets all the rest of the time to conduct his relationship with he woman he had an affair with.

The thing is, I also want to do other things now and again but then that limits the potential for a relationship even further if your limited child free time is taken with hobbies or other things. I'm having this difficulty at the moment with Mr Art...he is free potentially any time but I'm just not.

You will find someone who thinks you are worth waiting for and won't view your kids as baggage. It's his prerogative to opt for someone with more flexibility and at least he has said early but it's no reflection on you x

@NotAProperGrownUp in terms of the nerves, I think the best advice is just meeting a friend to start with. Is this person from OLD and if so, how long have you been talking with them?

I was twitching too waiting for someone to start another thread 😂.x

@MrDrummer I hope it’s like meeting a friend. Initially talking on Bumble till I freaked out and deleted my account. Now been WhatsApping for 2 or 3 weeks, spoken on the phone a few times. I might feel better in person, he seems lovely online/on the phone and it feels like we know each other - is that normal or am I over investing?

@NotAProperGrownUp Well, is there such a thing as over-investing? There is such a thing as investing more than the other person and I think that is where the problems lie. Having said that,I thinkyou have waited a long time for the date and the received wisdom of the thread is to meet early, otherwise it can be a terrible let down when you realise their photos are like 15 years old, they have swapped their hair for a beer gut, etc. Thread is here is help you on your dating journey though :)

No @NotAProperGrownUp it's not over investing. I don't that part of the thread rules. I understand meeting in person can change things but at the moment you're just being decent human beings and getting to know one another and you should feel excited about what might be (but obvs eyes wide open too). And when it comes to nerves you can bet you're both in the same boat.

• I don't like that part of the rules, I mean

I hope so... he seems nice. And we’ve exchanged various photos (not that sort, mostly walking dogs!) so pretty sure he is who he says. I’m not ready for anything super serious but I am enjoying this so far. He was keen to meet earlier on too, I got panicky it was too soon for me.

OK, deep breaths. Two conversations I've just started on Bumble (we've just matched) have vanished at the same time. I'm hoping this is just a glitch and they'll be back later. I'm sure it's happened before. It would have to be the ones I like better, wouldn't it? 🤦‍♀️

Panic over. They're back... 😊

Probably the storm @Nest the lightening here is incredible

Found you all! Good title Sunshine. Very apt!
I decided to go back on the apps and have a couple of irons already, however, not completely new. One, I shall call MrCap, who I vaguely remember from well over a yr ago. He remember stuff about me, which was impressive. We have a lot in common, moved onto WhatsApp,so will wait and see. The other, MrSeaside, I have met already as a friend but am seeing him as a 'date' on Sat! It'll be weird as we've both chatted about the people we were seeing to each other so already have inside knowledge, if that makes sense, lol.

Found you!

Budge up on the smitten bench 😁 I seem to have a boyfriend! (That sounds ridiculous given my age, but there isn’t a better term!)

@Sidge - Is it your young stud MrItalian??

@JeSuisPrest no! He’s off to Switzerland this week for his new job, I declined a farewell shag as I’ve been focusing on Mr Eagle (who you may remember was more married than I’d like... separated but not divorced before you all gasp in horror!).

Mr Eagle has been consistently lovely and is making strides to move forwards as a non married man lol. He’s communicative, sweet, funny, kind and strangely seems to think I’m the knees of a bee. I also seem to have unleashed a rather passionate beast and he’s acting like all his Christmases have come at once 🤣

I've been lurking on the previous thread so thought I'd pop in here. :)

I have developed a FWB thing with a man from OLD. He's sweet, we get on well, but I don't want to get too attached to him*, so I'm seeing someone else in a few days. I don't intend to tell either of them about each other. Is this a terrible thing to do? Is it normal to keep irons in the dark from each other?

*He's much younger than me and he is in a totally different life stage, it wouldn't work long term, but temporary fun is fine

@Sidge MrEagle sounds amazing, so pleased for you. Make room on the bench people, we've got another one!

@ILiketheNiceCereal If he is a FWB you should have no trouble telling him you've got another date arranged with someone. Does he know he's a FWB? Have you had a chat about both of your expectations or does he think you're exclusive? I would worry about telling your next date about your FWB too soon - you may not click, but if you do, I think it only fair to let both the other parties know that you're seeing more than one person so they can decide if they're happy with that or drop one of them.