Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Love are you ok? 💐 This guy sounds awful - can you send him a message saying you don't want to see him again, and then block him everywhere? I had to do this with someone very persistent. Do not open thw door to him again.

Thanks for the new thread Sunshine. Welcome to the smitten bench Sidge.

Outfit sounds great Average - good luck with the date.

Batshit, I’m shook up, I didn’t think he was going to stop. I’m shaking and crying. I will be telling him to leave me alone. I had to literally kick him off, he then put his shoes on, made general chit chat about something in the garden, sad “hoe you feel better soon” and left. I can smell him on me. I’m going to jump in the shower, I feel sick. I will be locking the door from now on. I feel so stupid 😢

LoveMusic that sounds awful. I hope you are alright. What a nasty piece of work he is.

I had problems with a guy that I dated from OLD (I think I called him Mr Much Younger) and he got really pushy with me after dropping me home after I had stayed the night at his. I had been on four dates with him and dtd once, but that doesn't give anyone the right to be a sex pest! I posted about it on here afterwards and got strong advice to dump him and block him, which I did.

@Lovemusic33 what a horrible experience. Don't feel stupid you did nothing wrong he's a vile asshole. I wouldn't send him a message I'd just block him.

@Lovemusic33 I've just read your update. That is sexual assault! I am absolutely fuming on your behalf. Is there anyone local who can come round and sit with you.

@Lovemusic33 that sounds awful
What is it with these guys? At their age you would hope they would know better.

I hope you are ok - give yourself some ‘me’ time

Oh @Lovemusic33. How horrible for you. That must have been pretty scary.

Just chiming in to say hope you're ok love sorry no advice but not your fault.Def block and delete and keep your doors locked as others have suggested.
Glad to see you back too
ant good to hear that things are still going well.
Good luck to all those with upcoming dates and welcome to the newbies to the thread!

I’m really to hear pleased about the boyfriend @Sidge. I agree with you on the weirdness of referring to your ‘boyfriend’ when you are very much no longer 21. It feels a bit ridiculous, but there’s no other term really.

Well, I guess you could go with something really dreadful like ‘gentleman caller’ instead. Or the awful in an entirely different way ‘my man’.

I agree with everyone else about pulling back/game playing @LooUpdate. It sounded very much like he’s quite anxious. Maybe he is just worried that you’ll turn him down so he waits for you to propose another date. A straightforward message could easily sort that issue out.

My experience with MrSG is similar to what @shitwithsugaron describes with MrB. I just looked back through our messages and it appears we arranged a second date during the first one. I sent him a message from the Uber I got home saying I’d had a great time and was looking forward to Thursday. He replied immediately agreeing and said ‘I’m a bit lost for words as to how much I like you’. He’s very heart on his sleeve generally. He also messaged me again as soon as he woke up the next morning.

I remember very clearly feeling hugely reassured by his clarity about his he felt and general straightforwardness. I would generally get a bit anxious and assume that I would be ‘bothering’ someone with requests to see them. It’s stupid and not helpful, particularly as I’m never annoyed if someone wants to see me (so why assume I’ll be irritating if I do the same?)

Lily it was assault, I asked him to get off of me several times. I am ok, trying to pull myself together before my daughter gets home. I don’t want to message him or he might turn up at my door. Hopefully he will stay away. I shouldn’t have let him in.

Hope you are ok Lovemusic

Also, sorry to sound nannyish, but I recall this isn't the first time he has turned up uninvited? Unless I am getting mixed up with another post. If this is a pattern of behaviour, you might want to think about involving the police.

Normal people do not turn up uninvited to someone's house, especially when they have been told to leave well alone...

love That's awful

Definitely sexual assault, possibly attempted rape. BLOCK HIM FROM EVERYTHING and never allow him anywhere near you again.

@Lovemusic33 How awful, I hope you're ok. It wasn't your fault, it was his.

I know the best advice is to probably block and leave well alone but I would be very tempted to send a final message telling him he assaulted you, no means no and he's very lucky you're not contacting the Police.

Bigs hugs to you xx

Starry, yes he has turned up before. This time I told him I didn’t want company as I’m unwell, told him I would rather be on my own as I’m tired, he still turned up (I didn’t think he would). I have proof on my phone that I told him not to come over but I don’t want to involve the police, have been there before with ex partner. I haven’t written down too much detail as I don’t want to upset anyone and because I just feel so stupid that I let him in. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I don’t understand why some men think once you have DTD with the, they are welcome to it whenever they like .

So sorry @Lovemusic33 to hear about earlier. It was most definitely not your fault, he has no boundaries and thinks women exist for males to do with as they like. I would block and obviously don't answer the door if he does turn up again. I wouldn't message him, these types probably get off on creating a reaction. Don't give him the satisfaction. Gentle hugs...

So sorry to hear you went through that @Lovemusic33 most definitely not your fault you have done absolutely nothing wrong. No means no. A good tea video on YouTube explains consent. What an idiot. Big hugs xx

That is disgusting behaviour love, I’m livid for you. I would text him to say if he ever calls at your house again you are calling the police (and mean it), then block before he answers, then screenshot your messages to and from today, then delete every sign of him.

Love you've had some good advice. Please don't blame yourself - abuser's don't announce their intentions, you trusted his word. He is a dangerous man. Stay safe.

Oh @Lovemusic33 😢, how awful. We're all here for you giving you a big virtual hug.

Hmm @Lovemusic33 - initially he was offering kindness when you were feeling low, I can see how you might have trusted him. He's abused that completely, you should not feel sorry for yourself for anything. It's all on him not you.

@NestOfSwipers Just to pick up on something you mentioned about the guy leaving online dating that you were messaging - I was that guy ! I don't mean you were messaging me, but that I'd reached a point where rejection (both ways) was getting me down and so I had decided to step away. But then I saw someone in my match queue shortly after cancelling the subscription and the rest was ... Maybe clarify what he means by leaving online dating ?

@HairyArsedMan I replied thanking him for being honest and wishing him all the best. I don't think it's been seen yet. I won't unmatch, will just see what happens.

It definitely wasn’t your fault @Lovemusic33. I can understand your reluctance to involve the police, but it really might be worth calling 101 and letting them know. He’s come round twice now when you’ve said not to. Rather than anything more drastic, they might send someone round to have a chat with him and make it clear he should stay away.

No judgement is you don’t want to though. These things are very personal and what works for one person can make things way worse for others.

LoveMusic really hope you're ok and like others have said don't blame yourself. He's lied about his intentions to get through the door, and just because you've dtd previously does NOT mean it's available whenever he chooses.
Again hope you're ok