Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Am I right in thinking though sunshine that you are only fairly recently and reluctantly out of a serious relationship? If so, maybe MrSAS and MrArt between them are just your ‘wild oats’ phase? If you know this, and they are both aware there is nothing more on either side, perhaps it’s ok? I don’t know, just a perspective, and given your pain a few weeks ago I do think that, even if he is a wild oat in name, Mr SAS May just be too strong medicine for you

He's having a minor op later next week, which means he'll be recuperating for a couple of weeks after and I won't see him. Maybe that will be the space I need.

@CassettesAreCool I separated from my husband 18 months ago. I feel like the last year has been one long sowing of oats to be honest and it would be nice to find something a bit longer lasting but I know that's not going to happen while I'm lusting after Mr SAS.

I haven't given up on Mr Art but I guess I need to decide soon if I see any potential future in it.

Ladies and gentleman of the thread.... would love your advice on using Fab. Have signed up. No pics or info and slightly overwhelmed given the lack of interest I had on POF/tinder/bumble. Think I maybe too vanilla for them tbh, and have no idea what I should be “aware” of on there. I am mid 50s, single and running out of options currently.

Actually having read @shitwithsugaron post now... I’m not sure it’s really what I’m looking for at this point. But at a loss as to what to try next 😕

Work was bonkers today, essentially most people in my team can’t stand each other, so it has been a huge bitch fest and a nightmare.

I have booked a childminder for tomorrow to see MrNoName, bit nervous as I have never used one before, so I am just going to his flat rather than going out, that way I’m only about a twenty minute cab ride away.

FWB is on gogglebox on Friday, it’s nice that now ex is gone him being on something doesn’t result in a huge fight. Ex and FWB most definitely weren’t at the same time.

I'd say 7 or 8 dates LooUpdate but not really thinking of them as dates to be honest now, and 1 date spanned a weekend 🤣
All seems to have happened incredibly fast but I'm trying not to analyse it too much and just enjoy it for what it is today. No grand plans, no declaring my undying love, and same from her. We've agreed we really like each other and left it there, and spending time together and lots of it in bed seems to be working for now 😉
Part of the afternoon today was spent giggling like kids, WA messaging each other whilst buying 'stuff' from Love Harmony 🤣 She had me absolutely crying with laughter at one point, whilst everybody was looking in my office wondering what the hell was going on 🤣

@SimonJT I'm sorry, I'm confused about who's who! Are MrNoName, ex and FWB all different people? What is FWB doing on Gogglebox?

😂

Yes, they are all different people. FWB has been a friend for about ten years, relationship with ex ended fairly recently. MrNoName is a guy I have seen a few times. FWB is a guest viewer/tv watcher on this weeks episode.

@SimonJT Got it! I'll look out for a guest viewer then but I haven't watched Gogglebox in ages so might not know who is a guest and who isn't!

@Sunshineandflipflops
My life is always somewhat confusing. It’s the celeb standup to cancer ones at the minute.

@shitwithsugsron. I appreciate your views. You are right... the attention is nice. But ultimately I’m not sure that it will all sit right with me either. I’ve had my share of “dates” just looking for a quick shag. At least this lot are honest about what they want from the get go. However I’ve got that out of my system and would like to find someone for a “proper” relationship. Sadly the one I would have chosen to do that with really isn’t available and options seem limited right now. But possibly better to be alone than feeling used .

Hi again guys after a bit of advice. Joined bumble on Monday, got chatting to a nice guy but not heard back from him since yesterday. This is obviously fine, no issue,as I’m just starting out, but my question is, how flirty should I be with these conversations going forward? I chatted to this guy like I would with a colleague/new friend and it’s just dawned on me that possibly I needed to be a bit more ‘out there’ with these guys...are they likely to be expecting more of a flirty conversation than I’m used to having? Hoping this makes sense...this is my first foray into OLD and I have no idea what to expect/do. I’m actually finding it much harder than I expected just to converse with people!

There are both men and women who are will shag anyone with the right organ. It is a swinging site after all. Then there's the time wasters who are really just there for the sex talk, and amongst all of these people are away few looking for company and fun. Of course you then need to have chemistry with these rarer few. As much as the odds would be higher for a shag, if that's what you want, I don't think the odds are any better than normal sites, if anything perhaps a bit worse for finding something more serious.

All jus my opinion of course

Love your updates @Ant330 you sound so happy

That was about fab btw

I have a lovely FWB from Fab, he is kind and warm and has taught me a lot about accepting emotional support. That is at least as important as the regular sex which we both need. After a very long, crap marriage there is an awful lot to learn/relearn I find, and I think having several long-term but not full-blown relationships via OLD has really helped me. I don’t feel used though - there is nothing good to learn from that!

FMFL

In my limited experience, the friendly chats have had more longevity than the overtly flirty ones. Once we meet IRL, the flirty talk seems to take a life of its own, but if I go full on flirty at first things fizzle out quickly before even meeting up.

Mind you, I might be doing it all wrong as well!! I did end up with a FWB using that method but I reckon it was more luck than skill.

ILikeTheNiceCereal thanks that gives me a bit of hope!

I’m not really a flirty person (well, without wine anyway) and I’d much rather chat to someone who makes me laugh than just go full sauce straight off the bat.

FMFL agree with that, friendly and amusing is my preference initially. All I want to ascertain is do I think that person would be good company when you first meet. Everything else you can decide when you meet them.

@Lifegoes - are you OK?