Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thank you all so much for your kind words. He has sent me a message on WhatsApp, I haven’t opened it and probably won’t. I am angry with him and myself for letting him in. I will be a lot more careful from now on and not so trusting. He obviously doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong as the first line of the message (that I can see without opening it) says “nice seeing you today...”.

Sunshine that's an incredibly kind offer thank you. I've just spoken to him and today has been ok so we're monitoring the situation, but I'll PM you later as I'd appreciate your thoughts.
On the topic of seeing each other every day, just a case of everything aligning recently.
We were both childfree this weekend from early afternoon on Sat, and her ex drops the kids at school Mon am so I worked from home we stayed in bed all day and then we were both childfree last night.
Quite lucky that her ex is a good dad and has the kids regularly and we've aligned our schedules. She's just trying to make one more change and we'll have every other Thurs as well when we've both got kids over the w/e.

@Lovemusic33 hope you're ok. What a horrible experience. He clearly has no boundaries and no understanding of how awful his behaviour is.
Please block him and don't allow him to contact you again.

Lovemusic what a fucking weapons grade bellend!
Cannot believe he has the audacity to start his message like that!

Sorry to lighten the mood, but shitwith I can always rely on you to come up with a fantastic insult! Thundercunt 🤣🤣

Thundercunt is also one of my favourite swear words. I was very happy to hear Al Murray use it in a live show

@Lovemusic33 I felt sick just reading your post. You definitely need to end things permanently with him. Not that I've any clue where you live and I'm sure you don't need any other dodgy people turnings up but all holing aside, please make sure you tell someone who lives nearby who can help you if he comes back. Maybe a quick video word by text or something?

Just home from work. It's been a tough day, I think I'm coming down with a water infection (again) and both kids have friends round. I don't want to adult today and it would be really nice to have someone to offload to.

Lovemusic33 I am so sorry. Please block this arsehole. (After sending him a message saying if he contacts you again you are phoning the police).

or is just out of the habit so it doesn't even cross his mind

This is probably true. He was with his ex 17 years (he's only mid thirties) and he claims I'm the only date he's had since he split with her.

Does he know you like him this much ? Is he getting less nervous over time?

I make it obvious I like him by paying compliments AND I'm the one that's suggested all the dates.

Yes he's getting much less nervous. He didn't shake at the last date!

If he doesn't step up, then you have your answer at least?

Nailed it. I'd rather have an answer, even if it's not the one I'd prefer. Okay, I shall jokey say "Right, I've suggested all our meetings to date; it's your turn. No pressure :P" Sound okay?

Ant330 How many dates has it been?

lovemusic what a wanker. Do you have a real life friend you can talk to? and lots of hugs.

I'm with you @Sunshineandflipflops. I had an interview today and didn't get it. Fed up of applying for jobs, never getting interviews and when I do I don't get them. Supply teaching sucks- give a full time job in a school already 😫😢.
Hope you are feeling better soon x

love sorry this happened to you. What a bellend he is!!! Totally not your fault. I would also be inclined to message him saying if he comes round again you will report to police and then block. Really hope you are ok x

sunshine and lillyrose19 sorry you are having crappy days

I am ok, I won’t tell anyone in real life because I just feel stupid. It just makes me lose faith in OLD, I have met so many ass holes, I think I will just stay single.

Thanks @LilyRose88 and @Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm just in a bit of a strange mood today. Coupled with a stressful day at work, I'm just feeling a bit despairing of everything. Mr SAS doesn't want what I want and Mr Art I'm just a bit unsure about so I went swiping on Tinder and have now had a message from someone but I'm the mean time Mr SAS has asked me to the cinema next week and I'm going out for dinner with Mr Art the day before so I can't cope with any more men in my life right now!

Do I message back and make excuses or just not repond/unmatch and suspend my account?!

Oops! Sorry, wrong Lily! @Lillyrose19

Neither mrsas or mrart are right for you. I know you won't get rid of mrsas but I think the contact is holding you back from moving on.

love you seem to have had way more than your fair share of assholes on your OLD journey. I’ve no idea why this is so, but please remember it only takes one decent break to turn your world around. You deserve to be happy and respected, and you will be. Keep posting 💐

@Sunshineandflipflops I think you need to be very honest with MrSAS and tell him that you're only interested in a monogamous relationship and if he can't offer you that then you're not interested (unless you are?) It hasn't taken him long to reel you back in has it? The road trip to get the tickets, the concert, the sex and now proposing a friendly date next week - what's changed from 4 weeks ago, apart from the fact you now know you're not the only woman he's seeing. Please don't settle for less than you are worth. He lied to you by omission - let you think you were exclusive.

You know what you want and there are plenty of men out there who also want that. Don't let your infatuation for MrSAS make you blinkered to other possibilities. I had to do the same with MrPlumber - best.sex.ever and an amazing guy who I had such a connection I could never regret the time we spent together, but there was no future in it and yes, it fucking hurt to rip that plaster off.

@JeSuisPrest (sigh), I know what you are saying is 100% right. I know, and yet I can't do what I would be telling anyone else to do in this situation.

I think because I haven't felt like this about anyone for so very long I can't just cut him out of my life. I know not being honest with me about us being exclusive (or not) was shit but spending time with him makes me happy and right now I feel like I want to take it where I can get it.

In his defence, I instigated things the other night after the gig...he was a gentleman up to that point so I can't lay all the blame on him.

@LooUpdate I'm a bloke (surprise!) and it wouldn't bother me a jot if I did all the asking of someone I really liked so long as the dates themselves were great and it was all reciprocated in person. I realise this is what you're looking for in him and you want him to be asking to prove his feelings but as you say, he hasn't done his dating badge yet. I think your approach is ok but I think what you really want to know is whether he feels the same way as you. I would also say that you giving compliments is not totally revealing of how much you like him - apart from his dating fu being at beginner level, he doesn't know you enough to know that sort of thing is a big deal for you. The happy situation is when you are both forthcoming about your feelings, but usually someone has to go first. It's much easier to be the one to make that leap when you've had a string of poor dates under your belt for comparison (this is not to suggest this is a process he needs to go through, though you may be in that position).

Anyway sorry to go on, but I tend to root for the nervous blokes you all encounter on here

Also belated congratulations to @Sidge, @StealthNinjaMum and @Ant330 on their newly happy situations.

Sorry for a little tough love Sunshine.

It isn't that you can't cut him out, you don't want to. There's a very old addage about things or people doing more for you than to you you'll be hold onto them no matter how bad they are for you in reality.

Maybe it's not time to let him go yet. Like the others I hate the idea of you going through all that pain again.

Just be kind to you.

@Sunshineandflipflops I know you know lovely, like the fab @MrDrummer said about one of my disastrous relationships (I can't remember which one 😳) "It's like watching a car crash in slow motion".

The cynic in me says of course he was a perfect gent all day and night - it was a guaranteed way of making sure you'd be the one to make the first move - he's absolved of any responsibility for restarting the relationship as its you who's restarted it and he can always shrug his shoulders and say you knew what you were getting back in to with him. Be careful sweetheart, that man is going to break your heart. Again. But if you're going to do it, do it on your terms and enjoy it whilst it lasts x

@shitwithsugaron Thank you, it's really lovely that you care.

I need to give head a good shake and I will. I'm just not quite as strong as I thought.