Ex from 10 years ago has contacted me

[DearPru]

He contacted me out of the blue, online asking how I’ve been and saying he was sorry for breaking my heart all those years ago and how it’s one of his regrets in life. We chatted about old times, caught up about each other’s families etc and then I discovered he’s currently in a relationship....

Why is he contacting after all these years? I’m wary of continuing contact with him as it seems a bit shady with him having a partner (I’m currently single) he also told me he’s kept all the notes and photographs from when we were together. Again. This is something that would seem sweet and sentimental, if he didn’t have a partner.

I’m very confused as when he messaged me all the old feelings and memories were dragged up and now my stomach is in knots.

Any advice welcome x

Block . No good will come of this.

Run for the hills. He's an ex for a reason. And don't look back.

Avoid. He's with someone else. He might be trying to start something. Leave it buried. x

Thanks folks.

That’s what I thought.

It all seems very strange and out of the blue. We’ve not seen each other in YEARS. Also if I was in a relationship at the moment I wouldn’t even think about messaging him so it’s weird he’s messaged me. x

I have an ex who does this. He emails me randomly asking how I am every so often. It all starts very innocently and then he starts mentioning about minor difficulties in his relationship. That's when I usually just stop responding. We only dated for about 2 months 10 years ago and he never says anything as dramatic as your guy but given I'm happily married, I just let it go.

Be glad he's an ex, he's clearly a cheating wanker trying to start something with you. I expect he's been through all the more recent exs and you're just next on the list. Yuck. Block him and forget about it.

This has happened to me alot. They've always been looking to get their leg over.

He was the perfect partner when we were a couple. I never doubted his loyalty that’s why I was so surprised to find out he’s in a relationship because the guy I knew would never have done something like that.

I think it’s hard as well because nothing major broke us up. We had a silly fight. Broke up, and during the ‘oh my god we’re never getting back together, my hearts broken; I need a distraction’ phase, I had a one night stand. When we eventually decided to get back together, I told him what had happened and he couldn’t get over it. We tried but he was too tore up about what I had done so he called time on the relationship. It took me years to get over him and I regretted that one night stand every day. Now he’s saying he regrets breaking my heart? What does that even mean??x

This happened me last year and it progressed to him wanting me to meet him in a hotel. I said no. If he is truly interested he would wait until he is single

Your right. He would wait until he’s single. Ugh. I wish he’d never contacted me.x

It means he wants a shag. Block and forget about it.

DearPru do you still have feelings?

Mine was the same. Loyalty was his top trait so I was shocked with the hotel suggestion. Maybe he is testing the waters to see if you'd be interested in rekindling things?

If you didn't care that he'd contacted you, I'd shrug but you say your stomach is in knots! for THAT reason I say leave it. You've caught up.

Am surprised everyone thinks it must automatically be shady - I’ve contacted a couple of ex partners years down the line just to say hello and that I’d been reminded of them and wondered where they were in life now. Wasn’t fishing to see if they were single or looking to cheat on partners I was with at the time If your relationship ended on decent terms is it not impossible he’s recently just been reminded of you and is sentimental enough to get in touch?

It means he's had a row, feels a bit shit and wants an ego stroke

NK1 I don’t think my feelings for him ever went away. I didn’t want to break up but when we did, and he eventually met someone else I stopped mulling it over, told myself it was over and to move on as well.

The person I ended up with didn’t compare to him and I knew I didn’t feel the same love I felt for my ex. However I would NEVER entertain him while he’s in a relationship, his partner doesn’t deserve it and neither do I. It’s insulting that; that’s what I feel he’s doing. I also think it strange he’s held onto all the notes and photos from all of those years ago. I couldn’t bear to keep anything that reminded me of him so it all went in the bin when we split x

And yes. The fact my stomach is doing flips is telling. I feel like he’s reminded me of all the thoughts and feelings from years ago x

So you split up and got back together and then he ended things with you because you moved on? The relationship ending wasn't your doing because of the ons. You were single.

He is testing your boundaries for an affair.

Thanks countduckula. I think it was because the ons was with someone from our group of friends at the time. I was very drunk, crying to this friend about the break up and one thing led to another. I instantly regretted it and I’d hoped we could have worked through it but he said after couple of weeks; he was struggling to get passed it and couldn’t stop thinking about me and the guy.x

I just keep thinking if he was happy and content in his relationship would he be contacting me? I doubt it. It just doesn’t feel right. I think avoiding anymore contact is best. If he ends up single down the years and we reconnect then so be it. But at the moment this feels shady x

I have an ex who kept doing this. Always when he had fallen out with his gf or things weren’t going great. He would message me and say I was the love of his life etc. Funnily enough I would never suspect him of cheating either, I think for him it’s more for an ego boost and to see if he could still mess with my emotions. And possibly an element of trying to get one over on whoever he happened to have fallen out with at the time.

I did have to block him eventually as it does mess with your head when the past is always being dragged up.

Your right namynom. That’s exactly what it’s done. As soon as he said he regretted breaking my heart my mind staring going in overdrive. You ladies are right. If he was interested in rekindling things he wouldn’t be sliding into my dms while in a relationship.
I’m going to have to put all my feelings from the past back in the past and forget about it. X

DearPru it's tough. I've been there and am nearly 4 months NC now.

My ex from 13 yrs ago got in touch this week. We have major history. I congratulated him on his recent engagement to his longterm gf, he started going on about how he's unhappy, doesn't want to marry her, he misses young love etc (that crazy 17 yr old spark of hormones).
Fuck him. I was having none of it. Told him to get a grip. So weird. I feel bad for her

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 - it is tough. We were 10 years with no contact so I’m just taken aback. I never expected to hear from him again. Now I have, I wish he hadn’t contacted me at all. If he was single this would be different.

Shechosedown - ugh! That’s what I feel might be happening here. I mean I’ve only ever had 2 serious relationships. The first relationship was the shortest but the most passionate and the one I look back on with only good memories (besides the odd silly fight here and there)

I was happy getting on and now I’m thinking of times gone by and thinking ‘what if’ x