Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

[greyrockblock]

My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

God my stomach is in painful knots this morning and I feel so sick.
Dd seems fine so that's good.
I don't understand why he hates me so much. He's the one who was abusive, had an affair and left. Why would he be angry if he's the one who happily left and has a new life and a new family?

It's easier hating someone than dealing with your own behaviour.

Well done for blocking him.

Will you be able to go on a walk today or do something physical?

It's a 5 mile school run (walk) so I'll be out and about a fair bit today. I'm just anxiously waiting for social services to ring. I feel like my children are going to be taken away and I just want to move house and go far far away from him. I can't take much more.

What he's doing is coercive control.
It's abusive to the children as well as you.

I know but the police aren't interested in my reports of coercive control. I don't know what I can do to stop him.

Can you speak to WA?

He’s making allegations about years ago? The police will end up doing him for wasting police time. He’s abusive. Record everything that’s happened with your solicitor. Keep all the text messages. Speak to SS and be clear about what’s happened. Tell them he’s abusive and he’s still going. You aren’t abusive. Your daughter knows this. He can’t be allowed contact with the kids if he’s doing this. Speak to your solicitor about parental alienation and see if they can take it back to court. He’s behaving like this because he’s lost control of you and this is the only way he can get it back. Do not have any more direct contact with him.

I've spoken to them and they encouraged me to report everything to the police which I did several months ago. I disclosed over a decade of abuse and the police took no action. The detective said she'd have to have a look at the law on coercive control then rang back weeks later and told me what he'd done and was doing wasn't very nice but it wasn't a crime. They didn't even speak to him yet had told me he'd be arrested that his work records would be looked at etc. Nothing.

I'd call them again, tell them what you said to police etc and get their take on it now.

I've called women's aid and they have said to make a complaint to the police and to speak to my solicitor again regarding putting a stop to all this nonsense.

It's not coercive control if you are not currently in a relationship. That obviously needs to change, but is presently the law.

You need to be pursuing based on harassment.

They mentioned harassment too but did say it was coercive control. I get confused as one says it is then someone else says it isn't.

If you call again, write everything down. I do this all the time. Is your lawyer good on the abuse? WA can help with this too, and a face to face meeting with them might be an option too.

My solicitor is away until tomorrow but I've emailed him with the latest events.
Women's aid will hopefully reply to my email and send me a copy of my notes. I'm so glad now I phoned them months ago to report things.
Nothing from social services or the police. Ex said he'd already told them he wouldn't be pursuing things but they haven't had the decency to let me know.
So angry about the smacking them so hard they were marked for days comment. It's just so ridiculous as anything like that would have been noticed during PE at school for a start!

I'm in Scotland where coercive control relates to behaviour from a partner or ex partner but found on cps website 'have previously been in an intimate personal relationship with each other.'
Is it not being prosecuted in this way?

Apologies for the derail.

Whether it's something the police will support with or not it's definitely wrong.

UPDATE!!!

Social services just called. I spoke with a lovely social worker and she's seen right through this farce and closed the case. The police are also closing the case from their side.
She is referring both DDs to Early Help to help them process everything to date and work on the lies from
Dd1. They will also be able to disclose the domestic abuse they witness at dad's in a safe space away from me so I can't be accused of putting them up to it.

SW is referring me to the local domestic abuse service to arrange for help for me to deal with all this shit. She's aware and thinks it's a good idea to pursue action legally too.
She's aware I've blocked exH and why and said the strategies I have in place are good for emergency contact etc.

I feel so relieved and want to say a huge thank you to you all because you've been such a fantastic support. I don't have any friends in RL I could talk to so it really has been invaluable to have you all on here listening and advising and hand holding

I'm staying greyrockblocked forever. Fuck him.

You've been so strong through this whole saga.
So glad sw will support you - that's a real asset for your dd's and for you.
He doesn't deserve space in your head x

Very well done lass.

I hope this is a corner turned towards brighter times.

What a great update! You must be so relieved. When you think how frantic you were when you first posted. Would you have believed how well, and how soon, it was resolved? OK you have a long way to go with the DC and no doubt your Ex will continue to try to give you grief but this is real progress. Yay!

My youngest dd said "of course the social worker would be nice to mummy, because she's lovely, and everyone knows that daddy tells lies and isn't the best person." It was so nice to hear and actually the first time she's been openly negative about him so it's a big thing from her. She'll say if he's upset her but she's never criticised him like that. She's perhaps seen a different side of him now.
I can't describe the relief that she's seen straight through their dad. She didn't even ask for my version of events. Neither did the police actually.
Ex will be thinking I've been referred for parenting help no doubt 🙄

You are an amazing woman.

Ah, how lovely. That must have gladdened your heart. Children may take a while to register what's really going on but when they do they're very clear eyed.

Excellent update. Well done, OP.

So pleased for you OP

Well done

You are amazing

What a lovely update OP. I so hope you and your DDs get the support you need. Onwards and upwards