Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

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My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

Police seem to have got the measure of her. Hope she is home tomorrow. I doubt Ss will do anything but a quick check up.

Op so sorry it's come to this. Please don't forget DD is likely doing this because she sees her dad getting away with it.
18 court appearances shows you how very strong you are but I know you must be worn down .

Do you think he has coerced her into lying?

Your DD is safe physically . Maybe not emotionally but try to get some sleep and enjoy time with the younger one . This scenario is better than him purely abducting her , as in his stupid way he thinks he has a reason . It’s sadly the elder ones who get the most fucked up by the abusive parents
I know you are desperately worried about her . But for now try and sleep and deep breathe xxx you know and she knows and her sister knows it’s malicious . The truth will out . I know how angry you must feel right now but try and focus on sleep and getting your own MH in a better keel

Op I wrote that before I saw your update

Nothing can be fixed tonight . Not least when you are so distressed

Tomorrow is a new day . No one would judge you for taking a breather for a day and gathering your thoughts

Have you any RL support you can speak to who know her and the situation

I am so sorry hardest times

Can you ring school tomorrow and ask to speak to an appropriate teacher? One she likes and may trust to speak to and be honest with?
Maybe she/he may be happy to have a meeting with you and dd?

Bloody hell lass. It's a hard enough age to get through without this.

Whilst home is probably better for her, how will you cope with having her home, knowing that she may well lie again?

Sorry it's not better news, OP. This must be so stressful.

They want to send her back to your care whilst investigating you for assaulting her? That’s quite unusual. Either way you can’t really put yourself in the position of potential further malicious allegations during an active investigation

oh lovely, so sorry.

interesting that she was sitting with her dad when she claimed these things. don't forget to tell the solicitor that. ask them to interview her with another trusted adult from school.

is there anything on record about ex's DV abuse?

Hard as it is it may be better if she stays at her dad's She cannot claim more if she is not with you.

As much as she is a child and you want what is best for her you also need to protect yourself and make sure you are there for your other DC.

Until this is resolved perhaps arrange for her school stuff to go to her dads and for her to stay there.

Sorry, just been updating my mum after talking to my ex. He's all nice as pie wanting to get together with dd to get to the bottom of things and present a united front.
I am angry they spoke to her with her dad there. Although they said they spoke to her alone too. And she doesn't know how to phone the police and report anything except an emergency so he or his gf suggested it. Interesting they decided on the police instead of his usual SS but then ss know he's malicious.
Ex has told the police they are not pursuing a charge and he's told dd she's to come home after school tomorrow. He let dd2 cone home as said it was nothing to do with her. Surely you'd be concerned about all the children??
Police are making a referral to ss but past experience tells me they won't do anything useful. Surely if the police were concerned they would advise him to keep dd there?

Police aware of all the DV issues but the officer sounded like she didn't believe me. I have found female police officers to be very harsh and not believe women about dv. Make officers have shears been lovely. I'm still baffled as to how rape isn't a crime and admitted sexual assault isn't one either. Apparently it's "just not very nice but not a crime."
I'll update the solicitor tomorrow morning about everything.

X post magoria. Dad can't physically get her to and from school on a daily basis as is in a different borough and he works shifts. I think he's realised that practically she can't stay there. There's 8 kids in that house and they all need taking to school and childcare every day and collecting again. School is miles away from where he lives. It a logistical nightmare even without dd so I can't imagine he wants to have her there during the week. He struggles with after school contact as it is.
Police commented on how many kids and the overcrowding but dd insisted she was happy sharing. She complains bitterly several times a week about sharing as has her own room here. So many lies.

Rape IS a crime - in or out of marriage! marital rape has been a crime since 1991.

She’s absolutely playing everybody isn’t she. Is this attention seeking? You need advice. Can’t the school SENCO get involved and refer up to a psychologist? If she’s lying like that then she needs help. Really sorry you are having to deal with this

I've asked the GP to refer her for counselling. I swear she's ASD/ADD as I am too although not diagnosed. GP said I was too successful at life (Ha!) for it to be worth seeking an official diagnosis at my age. I deal with it ok so didn't pursue it. However dd needs help to manage her compulsive lying and general issues with relationships, boundaries, acceptable behaviour etc.
Things started going wrong when her dad left. He was soon living with the ow and went on to have another child within a year quickly followed by another. This is in addition to the eleventy billion kids she already had. He lives there and plays dad to them all and it's a huge smack in the face to dd who doesn't get much time or attention from him at all. She's been replaced and pushed out. She's lost there. One of a million she says rather than one in a million. Just another kid, no one special. My heart breaks for her.

@QueenOfTheCroneAge only if you say no very clearly and try to make them stop. Saying no then being coerced into in via threats/psychological abuse and lying there tense and crying in pain praying he'll be quick doesn't count. Women's Aid say it's rape but the police say they just put ideas into women's heads.

I am so sorry. This is one huge shit show, isn't it.

I think your eldest is going to come round and realise what a mistake she has made. But damage has already been done, though at this stage it can be stopped.

Surely if the police spoke to your youngest they'd know a bit more. It sounds like your youngest knows the score.

I feel bad for feeling like this but I feel pretty angry this morning. Her behaviour went downhill when her dad left but has become dreadful just lately. He has told her that I made him feel really bad about himself and that he had to leave. The truth is that he was abusive in every way possible and had an affair. I'd just lost my dad to cancer and had PND. She wants to know the truth and of course I can't tell her about most of the things he did. Some she witnessed after he left although he spun it so that he made it look like my fault. Trying to close a car door on me with force when I was pregnant for example. Kicking the front door when he didn't get his way. He first hit me when I was pregnant with dd. He was so nasty threatening to take the children away, calling me psychotic, accusing me of munchausens by proxy and instigating a big safeguarding referral. And now he's all mr nice and reasonable and wants to present a united front. I feel so sick. I feel dirty just being near him.

I would be angry too, she is playing you both. I know she is only a child but at her age I would tell her the truth. I would also consider not having her back to the house and tell ex that due to current circumstances he has to care for her until its resolved.

Actions and consequences are a good life lesson.

I feel like saying that. It's all a game to her.

Then do it x sharp shock to the system is perhaps what is needed for DD and Ex

Is there anyone else whe could stay with such as your mum? I think you need to protect yourself from any other malicious accusations from her. Surely the police must think it's odd that your ex and the police are willing to let her come home to you if they believe your daughters accusations.

I'd be furious with her. She's lied, caused havoc, with a as referral for you which will Impact her sister, you, her, her school life etc as well as the long implication of Having this allegation of a vicious crime against you, which upon investigation could (very unlikely but that's not the point) have been upheld and ruined career, relationships, friendships , reputation etc. Huge spreading consequences as a direct result of her malicious lie.

This must be so very hard for you.

I too would consider some very serious repercussions for her. Tell her she can’t come back until SS have investigated, that you need to protect yourself from further allegations.

I’d be fucking furious with her.