Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

[greyrockblock]

My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

[spellingtest]

I hope you get your children back today. This is beyond awful and having been in a similar situation myself I know how worrying if is. School should be alerting safeguarding officials immediately too.

[notapizzaeater]

Have the kids gone to school ? Can you use that in your legal case?

[crustycrab]

Hope you get them back today op. Are they at school?

[chitofftheshovel]

I really hope you get your kids home soon.

[Doyoumind]

I hope this gets resolved today. If you get a PSO perhaps this could be the start of you removing some of the control from him. Perhaps he went too far this time and shot himself in the foot.

I was in an abusive relationship and have experienced the control continuing via DC so I can empathise.

[greyrockblock]

Sorry, chasing various people on the phone. The youngest is at school and am on my way there now. Hopefully the head will be there to speak to when I get there. Waiting for my solicitor to call back. Nothing from the police so will chase once I've been to school.

[greyrockblock]

I don't want to say too much in case him or his gf are on here but things are in hand. Thank you everyone. At least I know one is safe.

[mybeebop]

Use your solicitor and SS to come down on him like a tonne of bricks. He cannot just keep the kids when there’s a court order in place. He just broke a court order and that shows he can’t be trusted to stick to contact arrangements. Good luck today. Keep pushing. Speak to every official you can. Time to take back control.

[Pikapikachooo]

I agree with SS
The elder child comments and the upset caused are a matter of grave concern

Holding hand hard

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

This is dreadful, greyrockblock. A well chosen username. Wish you didn't need it.

I can't believe that the police and SS are so useless. And what's the nonsense about this being a "civil matter"? I can understand that your Ex refusing to bring the DC back might be a civil matter, but they're ignoring the fact that your DD has been extremely upset by "things at dad's", which surely warrants exploration.

[TheOrigFV45]

I hope you are able to get a PSO order today.

Speaking from the other side of the fence, I broke a CAO when my son said he was afraid to go to his Dad's (that's the VERY short version BTW). First thing I did was call my solicitor who reassured me it was a civil not a criminal matter and that if I believed what I was doing was in my son's best interest then it was OK. Second thing I did was get the ball rolling to go back to Court.

ie I knew I was breaching the CAO, I acknowledged it and took steps straight away to resolve things. I took it back to Court and the CAO was adjusted.

Good luck to you OP, it's so exhausting.

[JustmeandtheKIDS2]

Omg omg you bloody poor lady and your poor kids! Your ex sounds very much like mine. He also narrowly misses any backlash for his hideous behaviour.
What kind of life can you live with all this negatively hanging over you? This is insane.
You can get a barring order out which means that he carnt automatically take you to court for anything! Speak to your solicitor about it. I would be pushing for a court order with power of arrest attached to it.
But people are correct because you both her PR, it's not abduction, police can only get involved when there is a risk to the children and ss will tell you it's civil.
A court order is only useful if both parties keep to it. If you have a dick of an ex (like mine) they will continue to control you regardless.

[greyrockblock]

Still nothing. Youngest is at school, eldest is not and I've no idea where she is or how she is.

[mybeebop]

!! Aren’t school concerned? The head should be notifying SS surely? She’s being kept off school by somebody who doesn’t have custody? That can’t be right

[mybeebop]

Call the police back and say your child hasn’t been taken to school, nobody knows where she is and you are concerned for her welfare. Notify them that she is resident with you. She has been held against your and her will and she is currently missing. Start rolling heads. Ring your solicitor again. This is not acceptable. Message your ex and say if she’s not returned to you immediately you will call the police and list her as being kidnapped.

[QueenOfTheCroneAge]

This needs the police to do a safe and well check. Not at school and no word from her. How scary for you.

[iMatter]

Oh OP. Nothing to add but a hand hold. This is appalling.

Please cal the police as suggested by mybeebop.

[iMatter]

Can you find out if ex and his gf have gone to work?

[BollocksToBrexit]

What a nightmare. I hope you get it sorted OP.

[Sexnotgender]

What a dick.

Hope eldest is ok. What about her exam?

[Gruzinkerbell1]

The police need to do an immediate welfare check. She’s a missing child!

[greyrockblock]

Still nothing and SS where ex lives are unable to help as it needs to be the police.

[Fabellini]

Could your ex have taken the day off? Obviously that doesn’t make any of this remotely ok, but maybe your oldest is just still at his.
Either way, I really hope they’re back where they belong ASAP.

[greyrockblock]

Most likely she's alone at his. They live some distance a way and she wouldn't know how to get back home herself.

[Fabellini]

Oh! Is there any way you can get there then? Is her phone still off?