Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

[greyrockblock]

My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

[Lozzerbmc]

Sorry you are dealing with this awful situation. I hope you can use the fact that he did not return the DCs when he should have, against him:

Didnt you say your DD had year 7 tests today? Thats not very responsible of him if she missed them...

[greyrockblock]

I'm not sure if she had tests today but she's have them this week.
Everything is being documented.
Dd2 has told me some interesting things which prove this is malicious.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I've no doubt your ex is a total arsehole

But your problem here is your eldest lying and saying you hit her. He will just claim he kept her because of that

[greyrockblock]

I know. The biggest issues I have with her is her lying and being disobedient and disrespectful. She just shrugs and says, "Daddy lies." as though that gives her carte Blanche to do the same. He's a pathological liar too. Maybe having to speak to the police will make her realise lying has serious consequences.

[greyrockblock]

I have a banging headache again and think we'll be having an early night. I've stuck some dinner in the oven and I might feel better after something more than a forced down biscuit. I'm so relieved to have the younger dc home and relieved at what she's said. I'm hoping to get dd1 cable tomorrow too and then I can relax a little. Until court.

[Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge]

Op once I ran off to df's. He was a crap df.
I lasted one night!! She will realise she misses you by tomorrow and won't be so happy with him. Police involvement may be what she needs to realise lying has terrible consequences...

[gottastopeatingchocolate]

I just saw this, OP.

I would recommend you contact the emergency social worker where your daughter is currently. Police and/or ex should have contacted them. They have 28 days to make a report.

This happened to me. Ex refused to return DC. Police were called by me as I had gone there to collect them. Police said DC would most likely be returned the next day. I called SS and they were in no hurry to return, as allegations had been made. I had to call every day to hurry them along as I was concerned about the emotional abuse DC was subjected to in the interim. They investigated and recommended DC be returned, but ex refused. Emergency court hearing eventually made him release DC.

I will say that my solicitor had applied for the hearing immediately on my informing them what had happened. It took a week to get the hearing.

Oh, and DC disclosed that ex had made her lie about me. It did not make any difference to contact going forward. So I am always concerned that he could do it again!

[greyrockblock]

I've spoken to SS here and there and they aren't interested. The advice is the contact the police and my solicitor which I've done.
In terms of the contact order going forward there could perhaps be a power of arrest attached if he does it again. Although he'll say he was within his rights to keep her due to the allegations. If he was that worried then why has he let DD2 come home? Dd2 says dd1 just said she was annoyed with me and didn't want to come home NOT that she was scared. Just shows how he twists things.

[magoria]

It may sound hard however your ex is doing the right thing. He may have jumped on the chance but this isn't malicious on his part. I think deep down he knows your D is lying hence the other being allowed to come home.

Your D has marked herself and said that you did it. It is right that he report this and it is investigated fully. You would do the same if it was the other way around.

Hopefully it will all come out in the wash and your D will be given a bollocking for lying and wasting everyone's time. Then she also needs some help to get to the bottom of why she did this.

As others say write down what your younger D has said and don't question her further. Co-operate fully with everyone and try not to worry.

Good luck.

[Collaborate]

It’s not a power of arrest. It’s a penal notice.

[greyrockblock]

@Collaborate thanks for the clarification. The application to extend the legal aid certificate has been sent off today. Obviously I'm now reluctant to allow contact for fear he won't return them again but am stuck as I can't breach the order).

ExH told dd2 that it was up to Dd1 when she came back which is not what he told me. He's not in a position to have her for long periods due to the size of house (4 to a bedroom, clothes stored in the living room as no room for a wardrobe) and his work schedule. He's not thought this through and has told me one thing and DDs another. There's a small chance she might be brought home tonight but most likely not.

[whateverhappenstheremore]

Honestly I would leave her there - she will soon come running back to you stuck in that pokey house and hopefully with less attitude

[DoctorDread]

God what a horrible situation op. I hope your dd comes home soon

[Gruzinkerbell1]

Yep, I agree. Leave her there to learn that lying and manipulation have very serious repercussions. I’m sure she’ll soon come running back and then you can have a chat to her about her behaviour and what you expect of her going forwards.

[Doyoumind]

magoria you are being incredibly generous towards OP's ex saying he isn't malicious. Did you miss the part that he was abusive and they've been to court 18 times?

[greyrockblock]

No sign of her tonight and no word from him either. I'll see if she turns up at school tomorrow. DD2 really wants her home now as is missing her and jealous that she'll have been sat gaming all day. Dd1 hates it there as too many people and no personal space or privacy so I bet she's wishing she was home. I really hope she realises what lying can do now.

[mybeebop]

If I was you OP, I think I’d leave her there for a bit. Make her realise lying has consequences and make him realise that if he believes everything then he has to take responsibility and look after her. The honeymoon period of her sitting around playing games all day long won’t last long as school and SS will get involved if she doesn’t turn up. Maybe step back and let them feel the reality of it all. Your DD is playing both of you.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Try not to be too angry with DD1: her father is clearly a manipulative piece of shit, but children tend to love their parents, even awful parents, and want to please them. Children whose parents are aggressive, unpredictable and frightening sometimes want to please that awful parent even more.

[greyrockblock]

I'm not angry with her but I'm very disappointed. We've spoken so many times about lying and consequences but she still does it. She's had detention for lying at school. She's lost all her privileges. No effect.

[greyrockblock]

Missed call from the police who have said they need to speak to me. They must have spoken to DD by now. It's all down to if they believe her and him or me I guess. I don't hold out much hope.

[Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge]

Hang in there op. You have done nothing wrong.

[Keziah2020]

Hope this turns out well for you and that daughter comes home soon.

[Sharkattack2]

Hope all sorts itself out very soon, you must be sick with worry. Try and have faith that you’ve done nothing wrong, I’m keeping everything crossed that the police will see this is malicious.

[Stiffasaboard]

Have you called them back?

[greyrockblock]

Dd has sat there with her dad and accused me of assault and it's now got a crime number with her a victim and me a suspect. She's told them she's scared of me and doesn't want to come home. Referral made to social services. Police have told her she's a child and needs to do as she's told so she's to come home tomorrow. She says she never wants to come home and wants to live with her dad. The same dad she hates and is counting the days until she no longer has to go. They've suggested I get together with my abusive ex and dd and sort it out before it gets worse. Police say she's playing us off against each other and playing a very dangerous game.