Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

255 replies

greyrockblock · 10/06/2019 20:46

My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

OP posts:

Report

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 12:13

An Inspector will get back to me with 24 hours. Twenty four fucking hours! It's a joke.

OP posts:

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 12:14

No way to get there for me as never been and I don't drive. Plus with the history of DV I wouldn't put myself in that position and the police would not advise that either.

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 11/06/2019 12:14

Can you actually go in to a police station? Maybe that would help?

HJWT · 11/06/2019 12:18

@greyrockblock you need to ring the police now and tell them its a safe guarding issue and your child hasn't turned up at school...

Fabellini · 11/06/2019 12:18

Oh I didn’t mean to suggest you put yourself in any danger, I just thought that if you were confident your ex had gone to work and your dd was there on her own you could have gone and got her.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 11/06/2019 12:25

If he also has perental responsibility then there is very little you can do, it's fucking dreadful! I've been there. Get your youngest child from school early to prevent him getting her. Is there someone who can drive you to collect your other child from his??? If he's not there it should be relatively easy to retrieve her?
You need to put something in place legally this is mentally and as you know you could get them back and then be in the same position next time.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 11/06/2019 12:28

O sorry just read that you carnt get there. Sorry.
Xx

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 12:30

Ok a little clearer. He has reported me to the police for hitting my eldest and so far no one has been out to see him about it. He's in a queue to be visited. They are going to check she's ok and where she is and get back to me in about 20 mins.

There are no words for him.

OP posts:

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 12:40

Right, the police have to speak to her and him and take it from there to see if there's anything to his allegations. They won't tell him to return her. So there's nothing I can do really.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 11/06/2019 12:47

I'm so sorry this is happening and I hope you get some help soon. Is your DD afraid of her dad enough to obey him and lie to the police? Or is she likely to tell them she is afraid of him?

mybeebop · 11/06/2019 12:57

Jesus. Really hope this gets sorted OP. Have you spoken to your eldests school SENCO and your solicitor?

mybeebop · 11/06/2019 12:57

We are all here for you OP.

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 13:01

Thank you. She's scared of him and his gf.

OP posts:

Johngon · 11/06/2019 13:16

Poor girl. He sounds like a maniac. Best of luck OP, you must both be so scared

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 11/06/2019 13:21

He's shooting himself in the foot here. Say his concerns were real, then the correct procedure would be to return her to you so she could get to school for her tests, THEN get in touch in SS, not the police. This is clearly vexatious behaviour.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 11/06/2019 13:25

See a solicitor ASAP. Like today...

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 13:31

Solicitor is applying today to extend my legal aid certificate.
There's nothing I can do now except wait and what if the police think the allegations are true. Does dad get to keep her there?

OP posts:

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 11/06/2019 13:35

Make sure you tell the police she is scared of him and her. I would hate the police to question her in his family home with him and his girlfriend there! Encourage the police to take the aligation seriously so they interview her properly, in proper conditions eg fucking away from his home, him and her. Not just an informal chat!! This should allow her to speak freely, and the police should should get a proper picture of what's going on. Surely as should also be involved?

Starlight456 · 11/06/2019 13:41

The system is ridiculous.

I would go collect youngest from school before end of school.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 11/06/2019 14:35

Collect the youngest now. So not send to school until you have been back to court. It won't be up to the police to make judgement on an abuse allegation I guess. That's for a court to decide. You can also for a welfare check and that your ex ensures dd speaks to you on the phone. Tell the police she has a phone. He may have taken it off her is she can't contact you. If she wants to come home ask her so she just has to answer yes or no. She may be able to leave the house slyly and you collect her.

Doyoumind · 11/06/2019 14:55

Obviously don't keep your youngest child off school. That would be counter-productive. See if the school will agree that she is released to you only in the first instance.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 11/06/2019 14:59

He has PR - school can't stop him collecting which is why I said keep dc off until things are on paper via court. Or op will find he has more of a case saying he has the dc together...
He has no case other than in his weird bloody head...
Don't put your youngest through being kept from you op...

Doyoumind · 11/06/2019 14:59

Btw OP IANAL but would you have enough money for the court fees to proceed without your solicitor if the legal aid is delaying things? It's scary to go it alone, I know, but with so many trips to court you probably know how it all works quite well.

greyrockblock · 11/06/2019 15:19

Youngest is safely home and had lots of cuddles. The first thing she says to me was that the eldest had lied about me hitting her and made a mark on her arm to show her sister. They have both been subjected to lots of questions by dad and his gf. Youngest only stayed last night as she didn't want the eldest to be without her. She is scared of the police speaking to her big sister and upset that no one knows when she'll be back.
We are now going to watch a movie and have treats to take their minds off it all for a little while.
Police are aware that this is possibly malicious.

OP posts:

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 11/06/2019 15:24

Write down everything youngest has said to you. Don't ask anything else or you could be accused of suggestive questioning.
Glad she is back.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.