AIBU to ask questions about our finances?

[Zaza6375]

Hi all I’m after done advice from anyone that has experience of running their own business.
I run a small beauty business from home.
My relationship with my husband is deteriorating rapidly and I cannot access my earnings from my business acct.
I set the acct up years ago and didn’t use it much but I’m now really busy and have a card machine that clients payments go into.
He will not let me have access to the business bank card.
I am able to order products/stock from it as I linked it to a PayPal acc.
I am not allowed the card and am discouraged from using it whilst he clears some debts. I’m so pissed off.
I have access to our joint acct which he hates me touching and he gives me £20 a day for family stuff.
Im bring treated like a child
So I’m trying to get off my arse and get my shit together. I have started to have counselling due to other problems within our relationship.
My relationship is not in a good way at the moment. The background to it can be found in my previous post.
We both have credit cards that he has possession of. I asked to see mine and it’s up to £9k. I’ve never used it myself but I think it’s been used to pay for a £3k course I went on which I’m reminded constantly that he paid for.
I’ve asked to see his and he has gone ballistic. He told me it’s at 20k but will not show me the statements.
Some of the debts on these cards are from a building an extension but why not let me see them? Am I being harsh?
Could anyone advise me on wether I need to open a business acct or will a personal acct do that my card machine payments can go into?
Any advice greatly appreciated thank you x

I just find it hard to respond to this. I think you need serious legal advice to be honest.

You’re not being harsh, you’re being abused.
The bussiness is yours, right? In your name?
Cancel the card with the bank and ask them to reissue another one. Change the online banking details.

If your credit card is in your name, you can just walk into the branch, ask to talk to someone and see exactly what debts he run in your name. Or call them.
It doesn’t have to go through your H.

What do you mean when you say I’m not allowed? Have you asked for it? What happens? If it’s your card then you should have it and only you. You need legal advice and to break free from your controlling husband who is digging into massive debt in your name without your consent

The first thing you need to do is to get another account - a private/secret one - that you pay work-related money into.

The second thing is that once you have some money in that account, go to a solicitor - it will be worth every penny. This is extreme financial abuse.

How do you feel about telling the bank about this? He has run up debts in your name, they can cancel the credit card and stop him spending any more.

Why is he in control of your finances?

Presumably the business account is in your name? Speak to your bank, get the card cancelled and a new one issued to you. Ask to pick your new one up from the branch. Do the same for your credit card. Open a new account he doesn’t know about. And by joint account I assume you have access? I’d use the joint account to pay off your credit card if there’s enough.

whose name in the business account in

He is VERY financially abusive OP and you need to get advice from Womens Aid and CAB

Also if he has been spending money on your credit card without you knowing you need to look at how legal that is as welll

Oh god I was hoping that you were all going to say I was over reacting

The answer is yes, you can use a personal account.

But you need to take the advice above.

This is abuse...... and coercive control.

Are the accounts in your name? You can go to the bank, take some id, and get new cards issued. If you explain what's going on, then I'm sure there will be some protocol to protect you and your money.

Are you able to see a solicitor and/or phone Womens Aid?

What does your Accountant say about your husband controlling your business account? How is your business tax situation dealt with?

Why does he have the business bank card for your business when you set up the account?

Have you seen the statements for your business recently? I would be very worried he was using your card for non-business related activity.

Similarly, why does he have your credit card? Are you saying he's spent £6k on a card in your name without your knowledge/permission?

And yes, of course you should have access to a joint account - it's as much yours as his!

I’m not sure he thinks he’s doing anything wrong.
Right do tomorrow I will go into town and set up a new acct and then change the card machine so that all payments go into that?
Sorry I know I’m sounding really stupid but after being with him for 26 years and him taking care of everything I’m going to have to start taking control.
I’m scared of having to cope on my own with 3 daughters but it seems inevitable. He is not the man I married and is just so angry all the time.
I am called controlling continuously if I ask questions. He tells me his life with me is torture and that he doesn’t love me.
When I ask why he’s here he says it’s because of the house..he says he hasn’t worked all the hours to walk away from it ( let’s just forget about his three gorgeous daughters shall we?)
I’m having counselling to try and get my head around things as it’s such a long time, a lot of great history too..just not so great now.
Thank you all for your advice x

I really think there will be a lot more debt that he says there is and he is trying to hide that from you. I think it would be wise to get a free trial from Experian and check your credit score, see if he is managing to keep up with the payments. This will only show you what is held in your name however. I'm not sure what you/your husband are earning but I would be very very worried about having 29 grand (or more) in unsecured debt.

I’m sorry to say this but if he won’t show you his credit card balance there’s a good chance it’s at much more the £20k. I’d advise you start small and manageable. When you go to the bank you can always ask for a free financial review. Your husband does not have to be present or informed. They will print out statements from all accounts you are tied to. That would be a good start.

Could you run a credit check on yourself op and see what comes up this means you know all the accounts your name is attached to and some companies you can do it for free

The real problem you have here is the credit card.

He is basically running up debt in YOUR name, which you will be liable for. It's a great way to control you. I would assume that all the debt is on your card and his is clean. He could walk away tomorrow and you'd be left to pay it all.

It's fraud and serious financial abuse.

I honestly think you need to get legal advice, secretly and urgently. I am not sure whether there would be a way to get that debt out of your name. I suspect not, but you NEED to see a solictior urgently, and to let your bank know that you have not had access to your credit card for a long time and it is being used under duress.

The bank account is fairly easy to sort. However - I would first see about the credit card.

And he does know what he's doing and he is an abuser and yes you need to get away from him.

Go to the bank, ask to speak to an advisor (make an appointment over the phone) and explain you need a personal account and business account, let them know the situation in brief and arrange to pick up mail from the bank. Meanwhile get all the affairs in order - have you got a family member or friend you can store important documents at? You need an exit plan, this is financial abuse.

If you need any specific accounting advice pm me, I do it for several small orgs.

Oh goodness. I’ve spoken to my mum and I’m just trying to give her a little bit of cash every now and then.
She hasn’t said much which is very unlike her.
If that is the case and I can open s new acct easily and re route the card payments I will open one tomorrow. He can then keep the card and the acct.
I ask for the card at least twice a week and tell him it’s unfair, he just ignores it.
If I can do this he can bloody keep it!

Get legal advice.
Go to the bank and stop the account.
Go to the police depending on what solicitor says.

No no no OP!!!

Don’t say things like ‘he can keep the account and card’.

You really need to take control here. If that other account is also in your name he can just run it into debt.

You really need proper advice. Talk to your bank first and take it from there. But don’t just open another account and ignore the rest. You are getting proper screwed here! Good luck, you can do this.

You need to get these account frozen, you need to go to the LA safeguarding as you are bing financially abused - actually you need to go to the police for fraud.

All this is being run up in YOUR Name. You are liable.

No, don’t let him keep the account, or the credit card. You need to close them or withdraw his access. If he keeps access to the account or credit card he can continue to use them and leave you with more debt.

Please get some professional advice. In relation to debt you could start with citizens advice or stepchange.