AIBU to ask questions about our finances?

[Zaza6375]

Hi all I’m after done advice from anyone that has experience of running their own business.
I run a small beauty business from home.
My relationship with my husband is deteriorating rapidly and I cannot access my earnings from my business acct.
I set the acct up years ago and didn’t use it much but I’m now really busy and have a card machine that clients payments go into.
He will not let me have access to the business bank card.
I am able to order products/stock from it as I linked it to a PayPal acc.
I am not allowed the card and am discouraged from using it whilst he clears some debts. I’m so pissed off.
I have access to our joint acct which he hates me touching and he gives me £20 a day for family stuff.
Im bring treated like a child
So I’m trying to get off my arse and get my shit together. I have started to have counselling due to other problems within our relationship.
My relationship is not in a good way at the moment. The background to it can be found in my previous post.
We both have credit cards that he has possession of. I asked to see mine and it’s up to £9k. I’ve never used it myself but I think it’s been used to pay for a £3k course I went on which I’m reminded constantly that he paid for.
I’ve asked to see his and he has gone ballistic. He told me it’s at 20k but will not show me the statements.
Some of the debts on these cards are from a building an extension but why not let me see them? Am I being harsh?
Could anyone advise me on wether I need to open a business acct or will a personal acct do that my card machine payments can go into?
Any advice greatly appreciated thank you x

I just can’t see how this is deemed as abuse...

Because there are many different types of abuse. I really hope you feel able to explain what is happening to the bank and ask for their help. If nothing else, you need to know what the joint debts are.

Zaza how do you your tax return without access to the money?

I'm really sorry but this is dreadful and you're doing the right thing by sorting it. Call woman's aid and then the bank.

You've got your successful business on your own so you can keep that if it all goes tits up.

Wish you all the best.

It’s abuse because it’s YOUR money that YOU are earning. It’s also illegal. Him spending money on YOUR credit card, from YOUR business account.

OP he could be doing all sorts of financial fuckery in your name.

Go to the bank. Open a new account and have every penny from your business account transferred into it immediately, and close that account - also change your address to your Mums address so nothing gets sent to your house.

Order new birth certificates for you and your children and have them delivered to your Mums address, or another safe address.

Call DLA and have them pay that into your new account

Call Women’s Aid and get the fuck out of there

Don't set any new passwords to your children's names or birthdays. Your passwords need to be something that nobody will guess. Don't give them to anyone

“I just can’t see how this is deemed as abuse...”

OP, please look up The Freedom Programme.

Discuss this with your counsellor.

Please get legal advice ASAP.

I would advise finding out what all your rights are before doing anything much. He is a calculating, abusive , controlling man and if he gets a hint that you are fighting back he will leap 3 steps ahead of you and completely stitch you up.

You need knowledge and a plan, and you need professional help to get that.

MN is often quick to urge immediate but essentially trivial actions that could compromise the long term plan.

But you do need to take action and escape this relationship.

Ghosts list is a good one but do those things after you have spoken with Women’s Aid and a lawyer.

And preferably when you have somewhere to go.

Because when he has seen you have done those things he will lock down all other monies and you may be at physical risk.

I say this not to frighten you but to emphasise the importance of a WHOLE PLAN.

Be realistic: when he sees you have moved money / are not putting your earnings in the business account, the conversation isn’t going to begin “oh, bye the way, I noticed....” is it?

Get yourself to the bank!!

I just can’t see how this is deemed as abuse

You have no access to your own joint account. When you ask it is denied.

Your husband has taken all your ID to a place you cannot access it. He has taken your children's ID there too. You fear you cannot ask for it.

You are living in fear, and you have no control over any money.

Please, please, talk to Women's Aid. This is a really bad place to be in.

Do you have passports for another country?

@TheRedBarrows - Yep, I should have put Womens Aid first.

Please be careful OP. I think he’s been up to some dodgy stuff and will not take it well when you start prying.

You can get a Tide account. Its set up in minutes and all online, although they do send you a card.

www.tide.co/

Please do not tell him any of your plans. I'm worried on your behalf.

I think you need to speak to the police; he could be running up thousands of pounds of debt in your name, without you even being aware of it. That is fraud.

You have no access to your earning? That is financial abuse (and sounds like theft too).

How do you do tax returns?

Yes it's all scary at the moment and it might take a while but you can get there. You absolutely need access to your birth certificate and passports. Why on earth are they locked up at his work?

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy
Because I am careless and unorganised and would lose them. I think this is his view on a lot of things.
I have asked my brother to meet me tonight so I can just go through a couple of things with him.
Feel like crap today and a nervous wreck. I haven’t manage to get to the bank as I’m too frightened.
I’m not frightened of what he will do physically..I’m not sure what I’m scared of.
Hopefully once I get everything off my chest tonight to my brother I will feel a bit stronger. I just can’t believe it’s come to this

@Zaza6375

how can you not see this as abuse (or controlling). I think it's concerning to many people here that you can't see this.

Among other things, you said he has the children's passports locked away at work. That isn't a normal thing to do.

Are you though OP careless and unorganised and lose stuff - that is the abuse making you feel like you are. You are frightened of him - abusive

I'm really glad you're going to talk to your brother. Please keep posting.

This is a terrifying story. I hope your brother can help you.

OP, it would be entirely different if you had mutually agreed that passports and documents should be kept off site, for protection, and if you felt as if you could access them (or ask your husband to bring them home) whenever you needed.

But that's not the case - he is restricting your access to money, ID documents and information.

Take care of yourself. It is hard to wake up to this stuff. Talk with your brother. Talk again with your mother, perhaps. See if you can call Women's Aid. Make plans, but keep them secret.

OP, I realise that the bank is scary, as it makes it all official - but before you see your brother tonight, do try and get a Noddle account set up/do an Experian report so you know what you're actually dealing with.

I really hope you get everything sorted out

OP stop focusing on new accounts and re-routing the money, the real problem is that he has control of accounts/credit cards that are in your name. You NEED to inform the bank/credit card people that these accounts are being used fraudulently. Currently he can run up debt in your name.

He will undoubtedly just fake your name on a loan application too. You need to take action with the banks so that they know what is going on.

Urgently.

Do that first, before opening new accounts and re-routing money. Speak to the bank before you do anything so that he has no warning. Report the replacement cards being fraudulently sent back so that you don't get access.

You can cancel passports, and have new BC issued. Get everything sent to your mum's if you can.

Yes I'm very worried for you too @Zaza6375. I would expect him to get very nasty once he realises the game is up and you're taking control of your own money as is right and proper. Please get a plan in place before you make a move. I would suggest after you've spoken with your brother about all of this, you go to the bank (ideally with your brother) and see exactly what the financial situation is with your accounts. Then you can decide what to do next. You are in a bad situation OP and I think your husband has ground you down so much over the years, you've lost sight of what "normal" really is

OP, you say: I realise that the money that I’m earning is paying off the debts on credit cards.

Except .. how do you know that? I mean really know that for sure? I doubt anything you're putting into those accounts is paying off debt. Go to the bank, order a new card to be delivered to the bank.

Hi OP. Talking to your brother is a great idea. I also think going to the police would be an excellent step on the same day you see the bank.

You can order replacement birth certificate online. You can reset the online passcode to access your account. Go online and look at your credit file- it will tell u all your debt that's in your name. Moneysavingexpert is a great website for looking at credit file online for free