AIBU to ask questions about our finances?

[Zaza6375]

Hi all I’m after done advice from anyone that has experience of running their own business.
I run a small beauty business from home.
My relationship with my husband is deteriorating rapidly and I cannot access my earnings from my business acct.
I set the acct up years ago and didn’t use it much but I’m now really busy and have a card machine that clients payments go into.
He will not let me have access to the business bank card.
I am able to order products/stock from it as I linked it to a PayPal acc.
I am not allowed the card and am discouraged from using it whilst he clears some debts. I’m so pissed off.
I have access to our joint acct which he hates me touching and he gives me £20 a day for family stuff.
Im bring treated like a child
So I’m trying to get off my arse and get my shit together. I have started to have counselling due to other problems within our relationship.
My relationship is not in a good way at the moment. The background to it can be found in my previous post.
We both have credit cards that he has possession of. I asked to see mine and it’s up to £9k. I’ve never used it myself but I think it’s been used to pay for a £3k course I went on which I’m reminded constantly that he paid for.
I’ve asked to see his and he has gone ballistic. He told me it’s at 20k but will not show me the statements.
Some of the debts on these cards are from a building an extension but why not let me see them? Am I being harsh?
Could anyone advise me on wether I need to open a business acct or will a personal acct do that my card machine payments can go into?
Any advice greatly appreciated thank you x

Do you have a driving licence? That can be used as ID. A replacement birth certificate can be ordered for about £11 and sent to any address - although most places won’t accept one as ID. You should be able to go statement free - most banks will offer digital only statements but you’d need to make sure it wasn’t linked to your other accounts - I’m assuming he has access to your online banking?

@OliviaBenson hi yes he has all three girls passports and birth certificates locked in an office at work.
My replacement card for our joint acct was returned to the bank twice with ‘not known at this address’ written on the front of the envelope.

First thing tomorrow go to the police and then to the bank and in that order. I think you'll need a crime report number. This will be a long time in the unpicking.

Love him or not I'm afraid this is really properly a crime.

You need to get credit reports etc as well as you need to know the amount of debt that is attached to you. I'd do that now before the police. You might end up needing a forensic accountant. Do not let this continue one more day.

@WrongKindOfFace
My business acct is an app on my phone as he said it needed to be in my name, however he won’t give me the passcode to access it.
Yes I have my driving licence.
I also have one of my daughters passports just locked that away.
Jeeez I can’t believe I’m doing this from my husband

Do your dcs have any sort of dual citizenship? If so keep extra quiet about what you are doing.

Make sure you keep up the usual pattern of requesting the card even if you get one- so he doesn't suspect.

The bank can reset the passcode so he can’t access it.

Best of luck with it all.

@Bernadette sorry I don’t understand? What is dual citizenship?
Yep good idea will keep asking although he will go crazy when he realises that no money is going in.

@WrongKindOfFace thank you 😊

Does he monitor your internet use or your phone as well? Please log out from your MN account and consider a name change (if you haven't already done so).

What’s he spending the money on? Is he gambling as that the only explanation I can think of tonnage 29k in debt?

When you say he will go crazy....This is why we are all saying be very cautious.

Op I opened a business account last week with Counting Up and set it up through their app. I used my licence as ID. Card came within a few days

If you speak to your bank they will hold the cards at the branch (people in shared accommodation often require this, it's not that unusual) meanwhile is there someone in real life you can confide in, wa or other orgs can support you too. Thinking of you...

Could you set up a PO Box? Then you could get stuff posted there?

Go to the bank, go to the police, go to a lawyer. He’s abusing g you and has also committed credit card fraud.

Really sorry to hear how you’re being treated...or rather, mistreated.
Whilst my mom never had her own business, she was married to my dad for 19 years until she realised the joint account was empty. My Dad has stopped paying towards the mortgage (we looked back and it had been a good 6-9 months) and my mom had been single handedly paying the mortgage and bills and raising three kids (and feeding the 5 of us). Dad also cleared out our saving accounts.
Moral of the story, you can manage without him, whether he chooses to leave or you tell him. Your mental health and happiness are priceless, and your children will be happier in the long run knowing there’s less tension in the house.

I ask for the card at least twice a week and tell him it’s unfair, he just ignores it.
If I can do this he can bloody keep it!

But make sure you close the account or he will be able to keep spending and run up an overdraft on it.

Bear in mind you might struggle to sort new bank accounts out. You already have accounts, although you don't seem to be aware of what's happening in them. etc.

If you are over 25, you should be earning a minimum of £8.21 per hour, minus tax at 20 percent & National Insurance. Therefore if he is only giving you £20 a day, you are NOT receiving enough money

You must pay National Insurance, because it pays towards your state pension
You can check how much you have paid on www.gov.uk you will need your National Insurance number

You can pay & order another birth certificate

If you are self employed, YOU should be filling in a self assessment tax form each year to HMRC. You can complete on paper or online. You need to know all your out goings/expenses and how much you earn.So you must get access to all the bank accounts, bills, credit cards in your name. You probably should be paying tax, but depends how much you earn.
If you have online banking you can view your bank statements 24x7x365

You need help to unravel what has been going on !

You are not supposed to give access to anyone to your bank or cards, because that is private information and your money

What card machine is it? Some will pay into any account, some will have requirements like a business bank account or an account with a specific bank. Also be mindful that paying into a personal account could make accounting for your business really hard when it comes to working out your tax, but you can get an accountant to help with that if it's your best option right now.

I suspect this is going to be a lot worse than you currently expect and it sounds like all the debt he is running up is in your name.

Be careful. Get your credit report and ask the bank to show you any accounts in your name so you can start to get a feel of the whole situation.

Be really careful op. Before you do anything I think you need to speak to women's aid to get a plan in place and be safe. This is extreme abuse and he could escalate if he gets on to you

This. OP you are getting lots of advice here but I am worried for you. He is clearly a deeply controlling man who has backed you into a corner. If he realises he is losing you, who knows what could happen next? Please, please, please take advice from Women's Aid or a solicitor who specialises in domestic abuse before you do anything at all. You have waited this long, a few more days isn't going to make much of a difference.

I hope you get this sorted OP. I’m sorry but it sounds like he has some massive debt problems that are escalating under your nose and that ultimately you will be liable for.
I can’t believe how much you are working and have no access to money.
This is terrible!

Goodluck today 💐

Thank you.
I just can’t see how this is deemed as abuse...I’m frightened of going to the bank today as I know that once I do this there is absolutely no going back.
I realise that the money that I’m earning is paying off the debts on credit cards.
We are in the process of having one of our shops converted into a flat. In order to do that he needs to get a 25k loan.
I’m refusing to have any part in it.
If he gets out a loan does he need my permission?
I would rather sell the shop as it is, pay off our debts and then go our separate ways.
Also when I set up this act today should I get my child allowance and my daughters DLA benefits to go into there too?
To those that are self employed I’m going to set up a bank acct and a savings acct. I’m so confused and the one person that could advise me I can no longer trust x

@Zaza6375
Please do get independent advice. You need to separate your finances from him. At present you are working to shore up his debts and he is taking more loans and creating more debt without your consent.

The finances are a massive red flag but an even bigger issue is his lack of communication, aggression to your questions and withholding your personal documents. He’s essentially holding you to work for him, he’s not treating you as an autonomous partner who he respects and trusts.

This is NOT the kind of relationship you should be modelling for your DC, but leaving may be dangerous. Please do seek advice