AIBU to ask questions about our finances?

[Zaza6375]

Hi all I’m after done advice from anyone that has experience of running their own business.
I run a small beauty business from home.
My relationship with my husband is deteriorating rapidly and I cannot access my earnings from my business acct.
I set the acct up years ago and didn’t use it much but I’m now really busy and have a card machine that clients payments go into.
He will not let me have access to the business bank card.
I am able to order products/stock from it as I linked it to a PayPal acc.
I am not allowed the card and am discouraged from using it whilst he clears some debts. I’m so pissed off.
I have access to our joint acct which he hates me touching and he gives me £20 a day for family stuff.
Im bring treated like a child
So I’m trying to get off my arse and get my shit together. I have started to have counselling due to other problems within our relationship.
My relationship is not in a good way at the moment. The background to it can be found in my previous post.
We both have credit cards that he has possession of. I asked to see mine and it’s up to £9k. I’ve never used it myself but I think it’s been used to pay for a £3k course I went on which I’m reminded constantly that he paid for.
I’ve asked to see his and he has gone ballistic. He told me it’s at 20k but will not show me the statements.
Some of the debts on these cards are from a building an extension but why not let me see them? Am I being harsh?
Could anyone advise me on wether I need to open a business acct or will a personal acct do that my card machine payments can go into?
Any advice greatly appreciated thank you x

Oh OP. HIs actions are now illegal due to new laws regarding abuse. You are being abused.

The new law bans many types of psychological control and controlling money:

”2) Restricting access to money
A form of psychological emotional abuse being tackled is restricting your partner's access to money. You can't stop them accessing money, or giving them "punitive allowances" to get by on.

Domestic violence charity Refuge has seen cases where victims were forced to provide receipts for spending, and given allowances so small they couldn't even afford to feed themselves. This is grounds for prosecution under the new legislation.“

www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/domestic-abuse-laws-revenge-porn-14278228

Please wake up to what he’s doing.

Please also speak to be bank about your joint account. He could empty it.or go massively overdrawn. And probably will when he realises you're taking your life back.

Why would you open a new account and start from scratch?! Whatever is in YOUR BUSINESS account is yours! Explain to the bank that you are being prevented from handling your business finances, ask that they stop the card and issue you a new one, set up a new email account the bank can correspond with you on and do not let him near the new card or email! You also need to contact the credit card company and ask them to freeze the card as you suspect that it is being used without your permission

Please take the advice of posters here.
He's mistreating you and it is illegal.
There is support available for you.
Please access it.

Your local women's aid will possibly have links to welfare rights which could help with the financial side but this kind of abuse wears you down and you need help to see it from a different perspective.

This is a crime. What he is doing to you is a crime. You could end up in a really difficult financial position if he uses your accounts to get you into debt. Or rather, more debt.

Talking to Women's Aid about how to deal with it safely might be a very good idea: 0808 2000 247

I would also recommend doing the Freedom Programme course. It will help you make sense of what he's been doing and how wrong it is: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I know this has become your normal and you're used to being told you're overreacting, etc, but this is incredibly abusive and it's not how everybody else is living. Or what a healthy relationship should look like.

@oneforthepain this is what is worrying me. I met him when I was 19. I fell madly in love. We built businesses homes and were brilliant together. I have 3 daughters with him the youngest is 4 with autism.
I no longer know what is normal or what is right. I keep asking people like I’m an idiot is this normal? Does this happen to you?
I work every day whilst the girls are at school and then 3+ evenings a week. I’m dealing with strong intelligent independent women every day and whilst I’m working I’m thinking in my head to them ‘im not getting a penny of this’
It’s my shear drive and determination that makes me carry on working.
I’m terrified of having to start over at 46. I keep thinking that I’m going to be losing out if we split.
It’s a total head mess.
Thank you I will go to the bank tomorrow and try and talk to someone. I still feel like I’m blowing this out of proportion and this is how couples support each other.
This is going to take some strength for sure x

So you're working your arse off and have no access to the money??

You need to take some control here.

Do you know what bank your business account is with?
Is the business registered for tax?

I'm so sorry OP that you find yourself in this situation. It must be so upsetting and terrifying. Take it one step at a time, its great you are going to talk to the bank. Do remember to take photo ID and maybe some proof of address, statements whatever you can find with you. He may have changed passwords/pins, so you may need a few support materials to proof you are allowed access to the accounts. Good luck, you are doing the right thing x

Does anyone know what I will need to take with me to open an acct?
Surprise surprise my birth certificate is locked away in a filing cabinet at his work.
I’m suddenly realising how awful and how utterly stupid I’ve been

If you go to the bank you are already with and explain the situation then they will have things in place to help you. Explain all your documents are locked away. There is a massive drive on helping customers in situations like this at the moment. They can help but be honest as you will be able to get more help! He is financially abusive!

Get yourself down to your local CAB or local free debt advice centre. They have experience of helping people who are being financially abused.

If you have your passport you won't need a birth certificate. You will need utility bills dated in the last 3 months.

If you need an overdraft facility they will do a credit check.

If it's a new business account you are opening they might need paperwork from the business.

If you google the bank the information will be on their website.

Things it would be useful to take
Passport
Utility bills linked to your address, gas, electricity, water, Council Tax, land line phone. (these will likely be in his name, but show you have an interest in the property.)
Your polling card
Information about your present account/saving accounts.

I don’t have my passport either. What a bloody fool I’ve been.
I will just have to go there tomorrow and chat to them.
Thank you all very much.

Driving license if you have one might count as a photo ID. Id be going straight to the police personally. This is criminal territory.

Have you got any recent years' Accounts, or Tax information/ demands etc. If so, take them with you to the bank.

This is like modern day fucking slavery. Can you present at your nearest police station?

If you go to the bank where you are already a customer you are simply opening another account, so money laundering checks have already been.performed. it is your business account, so the bank can transfer the funds for you. There is a risk that he has run up an overdraft on that account as well, which is why he won't give you access to it.

Please speak to your bank they will most have a special team to assist you. This is coercive control and financial abuse. X

I hate to say this, but prepare yourself for some nasty shocks once the true state of your family finances are revealed.

Also be very wary of what you say to your husband, he is hiding all this for his own advantage, and will want to protect himself and his own interests.

Have you got a trusted relative or close friend that you can tell what is happening? Do that ASAP Zaza.

@Wallywobbles @numbersaremything @Adacoleman @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
Thank you.
I have no access to any documents other than a secret Next account.
I have just remembered though that I have an old acct at the same bank that has a few pounds in it.
I wonder if I could use that?
I will see if they can send any statements to my parents address or just choose not to have a statement.
Last month there would two failed attempts to deliver replacement joint acct card to me.
I can’t thank you enough I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been

Keep calm, keep posting and start getting organised. So sorry this is happening to you c

You haven't been stupid. You've been coping in a tough situation.

He's been abusive

Go into your bank, ask to set up another account in your name only.

While your there ask to look at your current accounts. They can see and will show you.

Be really careful op. Before you do anything I think you need to speak to women's aid to get a plan in place and be safe. This is extreme abuse and he could escalate if he gets on to you.

Has he locked up all your kids documents too? What do you mean 2 attempts with your joint account card? Has he intercepted it?