AIBU to ask questions about our finances?

[Zaza6375]

Hi all I’m after done advice from anyone that has experience of running their own business.
I run a small beauty business from home.
My relationship with my husband is deteriorating rapidly and I cannot access my earnings from my business acct.
I set the acct up years ago and didn’t use it much but I’m now really busy and have a card machine that clients payments go into.
He will not let me have access to the business bank card.
I am able to order products/stock from it as I linked it to a PayPal acc.
I am not allowed the card and am discouraged from using it whilst he clears some debts. I’m so pissed off.
I have access to our joint acct which he hates me touching and he gives me £20 a day for family stuff.
Im bring treated like a child
So I’m trying to get off my arse and get my shit together. I have started to have counselling due to other problems within our relationship.
My relationship is not in a good way at the moment. The background to it can be found in my previous post.
We both have credit cards that he has possession of. I asked to see mine and it’s up to £9k. I’ve never used it myself but I think it’s been used to pay for a £3k course I went on which I’m reminded constantly that he paid for.
I’ve asked to see his and he has gone ballistic. He told me it’s at 20k but will not show me the statements.
Some of the debts on these cards are from a building an extension but why not let me see them? Am I being harsh?
Could anyone advise me on wether I need to open a business acct or will a personal acct do that my card machine payments can go into?
Any advice greatly appreciated thank you x

Good luck. I've had my ddog put to sleep recently. It was really ok. Not the first time for me but it is better than the suffering.

Also i do need some advice if anyone’s reading. We have a car loan that my husband pays monthly. It has a further two years to run.
The car is now to small for my three girls an my husband doesn’t want me to use his larger older car...guess whose fault it is for choosing a small car,
If and when we divorce what will happen with those payments? Will I have to take them on? Hand the car back? Any advice greatly received.
I have made some progress in booking to take the girls this week..we’ve never been as he says he doesn’t work to sleep in a tent..I’ve also booked to take the girls to France at the end of the month. Driving there for the first time, something I’ve always wanted to do.
Eldest daughter tells her dad everything I do, is generally angry with me all the time. She knows that she can get whatever she wants from her dad. He’s treating to shopping dinners etc and taking them away to see his mum. My youngest (4) has never met his family. He’s really spoiling them like he never has before..he is effectively buying them. Is this normal?
I’m going to miss them so much when they go next week but I’m working and going out for dinner keeping busy.
Have started with a bee counsellor who is sooooo good! She totally gets me. Really finding it beneficial x thanks for listening to my waffle x

@Wallywobbles thank you. Yes that’s what I’ve just got to keep telling myself x

Your eldest is playing you - sorry.

kids shouldnt get involvevd in any of this.

ive read the thread from start to finish and im failing to understand why you havent served him papers - you do realise you will prbably be able to stay in your house until your youngest is 18 right??

I cant be too sympathetic towards someone who would stay with someone who is financially controlling, abuses their dog and is just a shit parent towards his kids

Morning Zaza I’m so pleased you have realised “that ship has sailed”
He’s a cruel bastard.
Have you looked up the Grey Rock technique - you may find it helpful.
He’s punishing you for standing up to him. It could get worse.
Have you thought of seeing a solicitor - it may also be good to dig around for any financial paperwork - has he given you kids passports?
I hope you are now able to manage your own finances.
Are you getting child benefit or does he earn over the allowance.
Are you sleeping separately now.
It’s tricky to know how to cope with him I’m sure. You have detached.
Dig dig dig for finances.
He is not a loving kind man. He’s punishing you through your daughter.
She needs love and firm boundaries. He may try and get her to live with him.
Women’s aid will know solicitors in your area that deal with Domestic violence.
He will want to destroy you in any way he can. He’s a twat.
Keep talking to your friends, tell your GP too and keep seeing your therapist - I’m pleased it’s very helpful.
Start thinking if you can move out - is it a possibility - he will need to pay spousal maintenance by the sounds of it. You could rent, depending on your income you could get some tax credits and your child maintenance.
Stay strong.🌺

@Mary1935 thank you so much for your kind reply.
I do love the word Twat I mutter it under my breathe daily.
Tuesday is going to push me over the edge when my poor old girl will be put to sleep. He will smirk and be over the moon. We have been in separate bedrooms since March share a bed with my 12yr old.
If I was to find a house to rent, as he vehemently refuses to leave, I cannot afford to pay rent on my own. I wonder if I'm entitled to help. CAB weren't really any help. Yes I have passports.
We get child benefit
Your post has given me a,little boost this morning thank you.

If you need some benefit advice I should be able to help as I do it for my job (not CAB)

You would have to claim Universal Credit and for self-employed people that can be a mine field.

Do you know what your yearly profit is? Are you registered as self-employed with HMRC?

OP just sending support and best wishes

This is financial abuse op so would really really recommend getting some DV support and advice they can tie you into local services which may help you escape.

Make sure you try and photocopy all back statements, credit card statements, loans, liabilities & assets etc get a copy of the deeds of the house.

Make sure he doesn't take out any new loans in joint names.

Make sure he isn't pocketing cash sales also? My ex did that and was making 2k a week tax free and making the business look like it was broke.