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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New bf acting strange ?

188 replies

Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 09:50

I've been seeing bf for 4 months been exclusive for about a month. He is lovely when he is around etc we see each other most weekends and maybe one day in the week , I have DC he doesn't.
Anyway when we are apart he rarely initiates contact so I also withdraw a little as i don't want to come accross as the needy clingy one , we have spoken about this before and he has said to just call him everyday when I've finished work, I've called him a few evenings , then last week he upped his contact and it was really lovely. Fast forward this week I last saw him Monday heard nothing , so yesterday I txt saying are u ok not heard from you to which he replied "I've been waiting for your call" I said yea same as , he then started going on about how we had what he thought a lovely afternoon Monday and then I've just dropped off the radar and he doesn't know what I've been up to etc and hung up on me .
I called him later that evening and said I'd been busy with work etc , he txt me a night txt later that eve but I was already asleep, so I spoke to him this morning but he was half asleep so I left him to it, then whatsapped him just now saying sorry if I've upset u it wasn't my intention , why don't u pick me up from work later we can hace a chat , he has read and ignored my messages 😣 I feel sick , I don't know what's Happenning , why is he playing like this

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2019 09:54

Give this man the boot, he is playing games. You do not owe him anything, let alone a relationship here.

MashedSpud · 07/06/2019 09:55

Have you been to his home?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 09:59

Good grief - all this after 4 months and only 1 month exclusivity!?
Why bother?
This is way too much angst and drama for so early on.
He's the not the one.
Dump and move on.
NEXT....!

mawof3soontobe · 07/06/2019 10:02

Sounds like young teens and not in a good way. It shouldn't even be a "thing" of who calls who when and ignoring messages etc. It's not cat and mouse, it should flow easily and effortlessly or it's not the right relationship

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:07

Yes I have been to his house , he lives totally and visably alone and always answers when I call him, I just don't get it

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 10:11

Not worth it OP

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:16

I just don't get how he thinks he doesn't need to contact me

OP posts:
Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:17

He was genuinely upset saying it's really upset him that I've taken days to get into contact abd when I txt him he txt straight back

OP posts:
EdWinchester · 07/06/2019 10:19

He’s just not that into you!

Dump and move on.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 07/06/2019 10:19

errr, he didn’t contact you as he was waiting for you to call him? Sounds like a control freak. He wants you to prove you’re interested and you to do the running.
Nah, I’d not be having it.

annonymousse · 07/06/2019 10:21

Get out now. This is just going to get worse. He already has you questioning yourself.

Ellabella989 · 07/06/2019 10:22

I think in this sort of situation I would be very direct with him about what I need from the relationship. I wouldn’t care about whether I look needy or not, it’s far better to establish things like how much you contact each other early on in a relationship so you’re not having to feel stressed and resentful further down the line.
Tell him you need to hear from him more as it’s making you feel anxious and it’s not what you’re used to from previous relationships. If he disagrees and isn’t at least willing to compromise then he isn’t the man for you.
Neither of you need to play games with each other when it’s such an early relationship

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 07/06/2019 10:25

Maybe he is too used to being chased and not having to make any effort himself. Too much of a head fuck op. Imo new relationships don't need this much analysing...

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:29

Well tbh it looks like it's over any way I asked him to come over later so we can talk about it properly and he said to call him later, he is going to have to talk to me eventually as I have his second car at mine

OP posts:
Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:30

And in his defence is did get really frustrated with him and told him I can't do this anymore as it's fucking with my head and he just replied fine

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 10:32

Simple response to that..
NO, you can call me later. I'm done chasing around after you. Always having to make the 1st move. It's just not me and I'm not doing it anymore. You want to talk to me, you call ME!!!

Aussiebean · 07/06/2019 10:33

This game playing is too much and silly.

You didn’t call me

No you didn’t call me

It really hurt you didn’t call me.

I’m hurt you didn’t call me.

Time to move on to someone who communicates the same way as you.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:35

I'm so pissed off I'm sat at work trying not to cry

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 10:36

Please don't let this gobshite get to you.
He's a cock.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 10:37

"Why don't you call me" "Why don't you pick me up"

Why are you expected to do all the running? I'd drop him, he sounds like he's playing control games with you.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 10:39

And in his defence is did get really frustrated with him and told him I can't do this anymore as it's fucking with my head and he just replied fine

OP this isn't in defence at all! Responding 'fine' and nothing else to that kind of message is a dick power move designed to keep you off balance.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:41

What do u mean by off balance cause whatever it is it's fucking working Im in a shaking mess here not knowing what the fuck is going on

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 07/06/2019 10:43

He sounds like an immature twat playing mind games with you. Not worth it. A healthy relationship should never be like this, let alone such a new one.

Deadringer · 07/06/2019 10:46

Op I don't mean to be rude but why are you a shaking mess over a man you only know a few months. He isn't that into you and you need to dump and move on. Sorry.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 10:47

Shaking mess not knowing what's going on covers 'off balance' aptly. He wants you to doubt yourself when you think to yourself he's being a wanker. He wants you to wonder if you actually DO deserve to be treated like this. He wants you to think this is normal in a relationship and you should accept it. That's off balance.

This is not normal behaviour in a relationship, it's not healthy and you absolutely deserve better. Don't doubt it.