New bf acting strange ?

[Soconfused84]

I've been seeing bf for 4 months been exclusive for about a month. He is lovely when he is around etc we see each other most weekends and maybe one day in the week , I have DC he doesn't.
Anyway when we are apart he rarely initiates contact so I also withdraw a little as i don't want to come accross as the needy clingy one , we have spoken about this before and he has said to just call him everyday when I've finished work, I've called him a few evenings , then last week he upped his contact and it was really lovely. Fast forward this week I last saw him Monday heard nothing , so yesterday I txt saying are u ok not heard from you to which he replied "I've been waiting for your call" I said yea same as , he then started going on about how we had what he thought a lovely afternoon Monday and then I've just dropped off the radar and he doesn't know what I've been up to etc and hung up on me .
I called him later that evening and said I'd been busy with work etc , he txt me a night txt later that eve but I was already asleep, so I spoke to him this morning but he was half asleep so I left him to it, then whatsapped him just now saying sorry if I've upset u it wasn't my intention , why don't u pick me up from work later we can hace a chat , he has read and ignored my messages 😣 I feel sick , I don't know what's Happenning , why is he playing like this

I feel like I've misunderstood this somewhere. So, you discuss low contact with him, he says if you want to speak more often you can ring him after you've finished work, as he can't text from work. Compromise set. You don't ring him, then complain there's no contact. So your agreement was changed without discussing it? And now he's mad for not reading your mind I guess? And you're worrying now cos he's not replying, even though he's probably at work and told you texting at work is difficult so he will call you tonight?

I don't see abuse. I see a man who is potentially thoughtless about contact (mines the same to be fair, so I have to always ring him but he always answers and loves to have a chat, he's just so busy being a boy he forgets girls need this stuff sometimes.)

I think communication needs are mismatched. I honestly don't see abuse.

@Soconfused84 why are you second guessing this again?

Op you sound so anxious and vulnerable. Which makes me think you are a prime target for a control freak like him? I think he has red flags all over him and you are worrying that he does not want you.

Where are your standards that you accept such shit from this specimen. Please be single and work on your self esteem.

Also how does him being upset about you not ringing for three days mean abuse, but you are upset about no reply for a matter of hours while he's at work and people are telling you to block him? This is crazy this thread.

@supercal77 I'm a level headed woman who's learned how to communicate effectively by not overreacting. Not everything is abusive and you do a dis service to people (like yourself if you say so) who have been seriously and systematically abused by watering it down to the level of labellling absolute strangers from heresay. It's actually quite disgraceful.

So I'm all good with agreeing to disagree on this one 👍

@Onemansoapopera 'It's actually quite disgraceful'. It really isn't, there are signs if you look properly at what he is doing in OP's original words. But ok, i'm happy to agree to disagree

You are busy raising your family, if he can’t be arsed to text or call you each day, if he is too ignorant or stupid to realise that looking after children, running a home and working means he comes last on your list of daily priorities , then he’s not a keeper.

If he can’t make a little effort in the early days, he won’t give a flying fuck in a rolling doughnut by this time next year.
Get rid.

He doesn't work at the moment and told me to txt call anytime , he said he won't txt or call me as he knows I'm working

Wow. Unemployed too. Sorry - what exactly are you making excuses for. You are a - Single Working Mother.

Watch this....you need to up your standards seriously.

@onemansoapopera

Go on then, give us your take on the texts below he sent to OP:

"you haven't called me like I said I'd like you to do , so you obviously don't care about me , I explained to that I'd like you to call however you haven't , that doesn't come accross as caring "

"you seem to have been acting strange since Monday , if it is down the fact that either you cannot call or you don't want to then it is what it is"

He doesn't work at the moment and told me to txt call anytime , he said he won't txt or call me as he knows I'm working

But why can't he text or call you when you're not working?

Some people aren’t into texting at all, I’ve met a few people like this. They can’t be arsed with it and prefer phone calls, maybe he’s like that.

It shouldn’t be complicated in the beginning and you shouldn’t be this stressed. Just drop him if he’s causing you angst.

😭

@Antigon Amen. You didn't call me, you don't care, I also didn't contact you but never mind all that, then i'll hang up and give you a taste of silent treatment.

No one's saying this is seriously abusive now - it's just a little taster of the kind of shit sandwich you'll have to eat down the line

Exactly, @supercali. OP, when he says 'like I'd liked you to' he means 'like i'd told you to'. This is the start of training you into being compliant. It's not romantic, it's controlling.

Bullet dodged!

Get rid

So he does fuck all, all day and you work full time but YOU still have to do all the running.
You know this all wrong OP.
He's trying to control you already.
Why doesn't he work?
Where does his money come from?
That's another red flag unless he is loaded!

He works in construction but its dried up a bit he still does odd days he is living off his savings till something else comes up, I work 21 hours a week, I just don't know where I stand now , he has literally left me dangling

Soconfused84 what do you mean you don’t know where you stand? This is your life not his and you can make a decision on whether this continues or not. Put your foot down and raise your expectations. After 4 months you should still be having fun

I couldn't agree with you more @aweedropofsancerre. I so dearly regret not acting upon the first red flags I saw in my relationship. Ended up losing the best 20 years of my life to an abusive manipulator. If you have the chance to act on your intuition OP, I strongly recommend that you do it now. Don't do what I did.

I understand where you are coming from , however he hasn't said whether it's over or not so I'm just dangling in limbo here

Why are you letting him dangle you about?

Cut the string! Love yourself and put yourself first. (Easier said than done I know).

It makes no sense if he's not working and he still can't be bothered to text.

Hope you're ok OP.

@Soconfused84 Stop waiting for this arsehole to pick you! If he picks you - you're gonna be running around after his fragile ego for as long as he likes it...when he doesn't - you reckon he'll be nice about it? Based on this behaviour here?

All this after only 4 months?? My brain is frazzled