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Original poster

New bf acting strange ?

188 replies

Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 09:50

I've been seeing bf for 4 months been exclusive for about a month. He is lovely when he is around etc we see each other most weekends and maybe one day in the week , I have DC he doesn't.
Anyway when we are apart he rarely initiates contact so I also withdraw a little as i don't want to come accross as the needy clingy one , we have spoken about this before and he has said to just call him everyday when I've finished work, I've called him a few evenings , then last week he upped his contact and it was really lovely. Fast forward this week I last saw him Monday heard nothing , so yesterday I txt saying are u ok not heard from you to which he replied "I've been waiting for your call" I said yea same as , he then started going on about how we had what he thought a lovely afternoon Monday and then I've just dropped off the radar and he doesn't know what I've been up to etc and hung up on me .
I called him later that evening and said I'd been busy with work etc , he txt me a night txt later that eve but I was already asleep, so I spoke to him this morning but he was half asleep so I left him to it, then whatsapped him just now saying sorry if I've upset u it wasn't my intention , why don't u pick me up from work later we can hace a chat , he has read and ignored my messages 😣 I feel sick , I don't know what's Happenning , why is he playing like this

OP posts:
Damntheman · 07/06/2019 10:48

Don't be a dick @deadringer manipulative people like OP's boyfriend can get their claws in crazy fast. It's perfectly possible to have been manipulated so far as to be a shaking mess after only a few months with a master manipulator.

Moneybegreen · 07/06/2019 10:48

He sounds like a total headfuck, i'd get rid. I wouldn't even bother having the conversation with him.

EAIOU · 07/06/2019 10:49

Yeah I don't think he's playing it cool. You're running to meet him. You left it to see when he would contact and he never. Just feeding his ego.

His answer of fine says it all. Onto the next one OP!

hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 10:49

Well take back control of your life OP.
You do not need to 'not know what the fuck is going on'
We've all told you what is happening.
Now end it.
Then you know what is going on because YOU sorted it out.
Stop waiting for him.
You really do need to raise your bar.
You should have ended this far sooner.
He sounds like a massive cunt!!!

supercali77 · 07/06/2019 10:50

it's fucking working Im in a shaking mess here not knowing what the fuck is going on - in my experience of game players, this is exactly where they want you. Any well adjusted man/person that you're seeing - and you ask - hey are you ok, i haven't heard from you - will usually reassure you. Not turn it on you, insinuate, and then sulk and give you the silent treatment.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:52

I know I do , it just hurts , he spoilt me loads for my birthday , is always attentive when we are together

OP posts:
Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 07/06/2019 10:53

No chat required imo. Hand over the key at the door. Close door.
Block.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 10:53

That's called love bombing OP. It's to reel you back in when it looks like his control might be slipping. Very typical for someone playing head games. I'm sorry love, be brave and just end it. I'd do it over text for a dick like that. Tell him to get to fuck.

Miniloso · 07/06/2019 10:55

Ignore his text. Ignore him for the whole weekend. Don’t agree to see him. He’s a nightmare already.

When you feel less emotional text him about his car. You can leave the keys in a safe place for him.

Do not let him get to you. Ignore and do some nice things for yourself this weekend.

The man is a twat.

supercali77 · 07/06/2019 10:55

@Soconfused84 They can make you feel really special, that's how they hook you

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:57

If he really doesn't want to be with me why try and play mind games why go to that extreme ? Surely u would just leave and move on

OP posts:
Jon65 · 07/06/2019 10:58

It's a big ego trip for him.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 10:59

I just can't believe it's come to this

OP posts:
TheInebriati · 07/06/2019 10:59

This kind of behaviour is training you to accept more abuse later on.
He makes you chase him.
He's lovely one minute then turns cold and nasty.

Don't bother talking to him, just dump him by text and block him.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 07/06/2019 11:00

He wants to leave you pining for him though op. Gives his ego a boost.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:00

If he left and moved on he wouldn't get the power trip that he's currently getting from messing you up in your head. That's why they do it. It feels good to them, ego boost. It's likely got very little to do with you and more about how it makes him feel to have someone pandering and scampering about for scraps of affection.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:01

It's horrible my anxiety is right through the roof

OP posts:
Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:03

And he's getting a kick out of pushing your anxiety through the roof. Staying with him is terrible for your mental health. Dump him over text, give the key to that car to a friend to hand over and block him. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can start to recover yourself.

RRJR · 07/06/2019 11:03

My opinion is very different

I think you’re both as bad as each other and you’re both playing games! You never heard from him since Monday as you were waiting for him to contact you, from his perspective he never heard from you since Monday as he was waiting for your phone call

You’re both doing the exact same thing as the other. I don’t see how you can blame him when you’re just as bad. You’re assuming he needs to initiate contact and he’s assuming you’re gunna call him every day

Deadringer · 07/06/2019 11:12

Maybe I am a dick damntheman but it just all sounds very childish and dramatic for a new relationship considering the op is a grown woman with children.

supercali77 · 07/06/2019 11:15

@RRJR With respect you've missed some signs here. She texted him to say she hadn't heard from him - was all ok. Your regular joe might say 'yeah i'm fine! how are you?' or some variant. He didn't - he turned it on her. She didn't call, what's she been up to, hangs up, thengives her the silent treatment. Does that sound like a reasonable response at all?

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:15

Well that's what he said to me , he said I'm playing games and he has asked me before to call him as he doesn't like to txt call when I'm at work , so I did say I'm sorry I haven't been in touch etc , he seemed better on the phone last night altho a little bit pissed off , then sent me a "night" text but he seems to have gone all cold again

OP posts:
supercali77 · 07/06/2019 11:16

@Deadringer Are you single and actively dating? You sound dismissive. In the first few months people like this man can really ramp up intimacy/feelings of specialness - and then become a cold bastard. It is disorienting. You think it's all fine, and then you realise you've got no goddamn clue who they really are.

IceQueenCometh · 07/06/2019 11:18

Good grief I couldn't be doing with that carry on. Dump him and find a grown up

supercali77 · 07/06/2019 11:18

@Soconfused84 Seriously, get yourself out of this now. He is actively doing 'hot and cold' on you. It will push you right off balance emotionally, you'll get more of where you're at now. It's a power/control trip. The 'specialness' is to hook you. Seen it before. Unpleasant people