New bf acting strange ?

[Soconfused84]

I've been seeing bf for 4 months been exclusive for about a month. He is lovely when he is around etc we see each other most weekends and maybe one day in the week , I have DC he doesn't.
Anyway when we are apart he rarely initiates contact so I also withdraw a little as i don't want to come accross as the needy clingy one , we have spoken about this before and he has said to just call him everyday when I've finished work, I've called him a few evenings , then last week he upped his contact and it was really lovely. Fast forward this week I last saw him Monday heard nothing , so yesterday I txt saying are u ok not heard from you to which he replied "I've been waiting for your call" I said yea same as , he then started going on about how we had what he thought a lovely afternoon Monday and then I've just dropped off the radar and he doesn't know what I've been up to etc and hung up on me .
I called him later that evening and said I'd been busy with work etc , he txt me a night txt later that eve but I was already asleep, so I spoke to him this morning but he was half asleep so I left him to it, then whatsapped him just now saying sorry if I've upset u it wasn't my intention , why don't u pick me up from work later we can hace a chat , he has read and ignored my messages 😣 I feel sick , I don't know what's Happenning , why is he playing like this

OP why are you still hanging on for this man you’ve known for 4 months and been exclusive with for 1? I’m not sure how much clearer you want him to make himself. If you continue you’re either going to end up humiliated or in a relationship with a man who does this to you all the time.This is not going to have the happy ending you want, don’t you see that? What exactly are you hanging on for?

OP, what are you going to do if he turns round and doesn't say it's over? Just go along with it and take more shit from him???

Honestly all this angst. Maybe you need to be single for a while and work on your self esteem. My boyfriend and I rarely speak every day and neither of us give it much thought. We are busy getting on with stuff!

however he hasn't said whether it's over or not so I'm just dangling in limbo here

Take control and tell him it’s over.

Why are we so passive?

I do get on with stuff I'm busy I never chase him ever then o get told off for not bloody chasing him.... It's all such a head fuck I've had such a shitty day , I'm supposed to call him after work and I'm dreading it cause he prob won't answer

I'm supposed to call him after work and I'm dreading it cause he prob won't answer

Do you not see anything wrong in this situation OP?

Look, call him as planned. But the first time he makes you feel shitty after that, just tell him it's over because he just made you feel shitty again. Promise yourself.

@Antigon honestly for real. I think if someone hasn't seen the end result of headfuckery in the beginning they kinda make themselves keep going with it until they get REALLY headfucked. Your self-esteem in direct correlation to how far down you'll go with it. I mean...there are easier ways to learn

Believe it or not as much as woman get angsty and uptight about this stuff , men do too . He is maybe as uncertain of where he stands as you are .

That's what I'm thinking as I said he is really attentive , and has helped my mum out a lot , but I'm overwieght and hardly attractive so I always have doubts and think God what do they see in me anyway. Great weekend I've got in store , probably a lot of drinking and breaking my heart in tears

Whatever you do OP - that self esteem is at rock bottom there....that needs to come up.

I think you need to sort your head out. Your self esteem is low, and it's a dangerous place to be. Also, you need to set the right example for your DCs. What would you say if this was your DD? Come on, you are worth more than all this, and you deserve the best, not to just settle for someone who you don't believe loves you for you

OP this guy is way too much hard work. It shouldn't be so difficult! I'm sure it would only get worse!
He seems to be deliberately messing with your mind.
Why would he sit there for days 'waiting' for you to contact him - that is just not normal behaviour.
You'll be happier without this man and his silly, bizarre, pointless drama.

You are giving him the power here waiting for him to decide he wants you! Come on - can you not see how ridic this is.

I don't care how over weight you are - this does not give anyone any excuse to treat you in this way.

I wonder if you have been in controlling/abusive relationships in the past? I also think if your self esteem is this low that you need to get some counselling. This dramatic shenanigans is not love nor a relationship. Is just some fucked up co-dependancy dynamic. Utterly pointless and futile indeed.

I know I am and I'm suffering so much my anxiety got so bad earlier I ended up coughing and being sick , all this whilst I'm working I just want to be dead right now this is why I need to just stay single

I'm too nice for my own good

You will feel better when you've blocked and deleted all traces of this bumhead, OP.

Have a read of this live thread OP -lots of helpful advice for someone going through something similar.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3603074-why-does-he-do-this?pg=1

Let me read it now

Arghhh!!! I have been where you are right now and it's shit. Properly shit. I could come out with all sorts of explanations and suggestions, but the bottom line is that he's behaving in a mean, childish, manipulative manner. Keeping someone dangling is just about the worst kind of thing. You feel like your life is on hold and you can't get that anxiety out of your head, it becomes all consuming.

If he were a decent guy he would have said "I was a bit upset you didn't call but there's obviously been some miscommunication. I'm sorry and I'll see you later xxx".

Run for the hills OP.

If he wanted to contact you and spend time with you he would. If its complicated or confusing its not right.

Wow that post I just read is so much like my ex husband I put up with for 14 years . I called him he is coming down here , well I will believe it when I see it anyway , and hopefully I can get accross my point of how I feel and how I understand he would like me to call as he doesn't want to disturb me at work , and how I know he hates texting as he drives a lot etc but he needs to learn it works both ways and of he isn't willing to budge a bit on that then I'm off

I just want to be dead right now

You've got children ffs. With all due respect you need to get a grip on yourself

OP Good. It goes both ways or it goes nowhere.

Ok OP, benefit of the doubt here, and it’s a big doubt. Make a plan with him and write it down. It sounds completely mental and relationships shouldn’t need this kind of thing but clearly there’s some miscommunication going on.

Right, how often do you both want to communicate? What communication is acceptable to who, and when? For eg, he might not want calls when he’s driving or you might not want calls at work. If there’s a period of time you or he feel is too long between communication then how long is it? Try to make an agreement you’re both comfortable with and make a note of it. Then if he he continues to be a knob there’ll be no doubts in your mind because you’ve both sat down and agreed. Likewise if you start calling or texting when he’s specified he doesn’t want it you can remind yourself.

Like I said it sounds really messed up, especially for a new relationship but clearly you both need clarity on this issue. His reaction to this suggestion will tell you a lot. If he gets moody or laughs then you’ve got your answer haven’t you.

Jesus Christ woman, would you get a grip of yourself and act like the adult you are.