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Original poster

New bf acting strange ?

188 replies

Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 09:50

I've been seeing bf for 4 months been exclusive for about a month. He is lovely when he is around etc we see each other most weekends and maybe one day in the week , I have DC he doesn't.
Anyway when we are apart he rarely initiates contact so I also withdraw a little as i don't want to come accross as the needy clingy one , we have spoken about this before and he has said to just call him everyday when I've finished work, I've called him a few evenings , then last week he upped his contact and it was really lovely. Fast forward this week I last saw him Monday heard nothing , so yesterday I txt saying are u ok not heard from you to which he replied "I've been waiting for your call" I said yea same as , he then started going on about how we had what he thought a lovely afternoon Monday and then I've just dropped off the radar and he doesn't know what I've been up to etc and hung up on me .
I called him later that evening and said I'd been busy with work etc , he txt me a night txt later that eve but I was already asleep, so I spoke to him this morning but he was half asleep so I left him to it, then whatsapped him just now saying sorry if I've upset u it wasn't my intention , why don't u pick me up from work later we can hace a chat , he has read and ignored my messages 😣 I feel sick , I don't know what's Happenning , why is he playing like this

OP posts:
Jon65 · 07/06/2019 11:19

Reminds me of the words to that song 'just enough to keep me hanging on'.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:23

Why does he want to hook me tho ? I'm still around surely he knows it's not like I've gone off with anyone else ? I'm not even online dating sites anymore

OP posts:
Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:23

I didn't say you ARE a dick @Deadringer, just that your message was dickish. Thing is, until you've walked a mile in the shoes of someone who has actually been in a coersive control relationship it's very hard to understand it. I was lucky enough that it wasn't me, but I saw my friend go throught it. She went from a very strong, feminist lawyer to an absolute self-doubting wreck in about three months. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

A little compassion goes a long way in these cases. Even the strongest people can fall victim to a talented manipulator, it's horrendous.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:25

I literally feel sick with worry wondering if I will ever get to see him again to put my side accross , cause I sure as hell want to

OP posts:
Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:25

OP he doesn't necessarily specifically want to hook YOU, just anyone who will fall for his nonsense. It isn't about you, the sooner you can accept this the easier it'll be for you to let go of it and heal. Power trip arseholes like this? They'll take anyone who will play their game and make them feel powerful.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:27

Please do try to let go of any hope of getting a satisfactory resolution to this OP. Confronting him will do nothing but feed his power trip and make you feel even worse. The best way to cut the feet from under a man like this is to block him and refuse to acknowledge that he even exists anymore.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:29

But if I block him won't that look childish ? I'm probably better off to just delete his number ? Oh that's right I also got sent home from work early on Weds with sever hayfever abd in the angst of it all i left my phone at work , when I explained to him I didn't know his number off by heart he said well your mum has it (he did some gardening for her so was easier they exchanged numbers ) so I said i didn't want to bother her and I wasn't feeling good

OP posts:
MzHz · 07/06/2019 11:29

He’s trying to teach you to be needy and at his beck and call, he’s trying to wring foot you so the brainwashing can begin

You deserve better than this.

Tell him that you are too old for playground games and that phones work both eats, you don’t appreciate being tested, or told off, and a relationship should be fun, not like this.

Wish him well but this relationship isn’t going to go any further

MzHz · 07/06/2019 11:30

Ends not eats :)

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:32

I think I should do that face to face tho to be fair it's shitty doing it by txt again ? And I know where you are all coming from saying he is manipluating me and controlling me but I also do geninely believe he was also upset

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 07/06/2019 11:33

Think about how you feel now and imagine this for the rest of your lives.

Because it won’t change. This is it. He has told you how he communicates. Now believe him.

Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:33

I don't think you need to worry about looking childish in this case. If you only delete his number he can still get at you, if you block him he can't.

Aussiebean · 07/06/2019 11:34

He probably is genuinely upset. Upset because you weren’t behaving the way he wanted.

Text will be fine for such a short relationship

Mxyzptlk · 07/06/2019 11:36

He could have phoned after you finished work but chose not to.
Then one week he did manage to phone.
Now he's being strange.

He's not who you thought he was. He's messing you around because he likes to.
You're better off without that.

mumofwantwomany · 07/06/2019 11:37

is he 17?

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:38

Yes he is messing me around , but I can't help but keep thinking is he gonna dump me or not or will he just end up ghosting me , I really don't know , if I block him I will never know , god I sound ridiculous I know

OP posts:
Damntheman · 07/06/2019 11:40

Why would you even want to know? Beat him to it. Text him the break up news and block, then he won't manage to either break up with you OR ghost you. It'll be done.

mumofwantwomany · 07/06/2019 11:41

If you're constantly worrying about whether or not he's going to dump you or ghost you what's the point? It sounds like it's just making you upset

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 07/06/2019 11:43

but I can't help but keep thinking is he gonna dump me or not

This is why he's doing it.

Take back control of your own life.

supercali77 · 07/06/2019 11:43

Why does he want to hook you when you're around? It's about power not availability.

it's shitty doing it by txt again It really isn't. If you're worried he's going to dump or ghost you - does that sound like what you want? Does that sound like 'the perfect guy that makes you feel sooo special'? Don't be tempted to believe he's complex, mysterious, misunderstood. He's not - he's a dick. End it

TheInebriati · 07/06/2019 11:43

You are choosing someone you met 4 months ago agency over your life and your emotions. Its irrelevant if he is going to dump you or ghost you or not.
Finish things asap then block him.

Original poster
Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 11:44

It is really making me upset , I wish today was over already , I don't know where I fucking stand with him ? Are we together are we not wtf is happening

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 07/06/2019 11:44

New relationships aren't supposed to hard work. Either you click enough to both make equal effort or you don't. Sounds like he's not really interested but he's projecting that on to you so he can make you the 'bad guy'. Way too much headfuckery - get rid.

Etino · 07/06/2019 11:45

You do sound ridiculous, yes.
You have children. Concentrate on them, research the freedom programme and prioritise making yourself fulfilled and happy, not playing teenage games with men.

RuffleCrow · 07/06/2019 11:46

You don't know where you stand with him, but you do know where he stands with you - whether his behaviour is acceptable to you or not. Time to be honest with yourself.