Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Go @Cosmicbird well done on getting the date lined up and getting back out there. My advice just do what feels right for you.

Some date many and some just date one at a time. Do what's best for you

Been trying all day to get to end of thread and was chuffed that I had just now only to realise there are 3 pages of the new one to get through!thanks for new thread sunshine

Thank you for the thread. I started chatting to someone on OLD and straight away he asked me "do you like kissing", I told him that I do not discuss such matters with a person that I have never met. Then he went on to say, "I want to buy you suspenders" and when he started making reference to my "breast", I blocked him.

If we had met in a bar/pub, surely, he would not start talking about kissing me, buying me suspenders or my breasts. Red flags or he has dated much?

Do you like kissing is a weird question. It’s kind of sex talk but clearly by someone who is especially crap at it.

I had one guy that kept going on about suspenders, and swimwear. I found it irritating. I concluded that he was just a creepy guy who was never going to actually leave his house (for a variety of other reasons alongside the crap attempts to get me into sex talk).

@Willows991 he's just after sex, that's how I see those who go on like that straight away. I just tell them straight and move on

@lifegoes, I blocked him. The sex talks was immediately and that I have good pairs of breasts. I was done at this point, I blocked him and moved on.

I had a date on Monday night, it was another red flag - straight away he was using words such as "baby, darling" We met quite quickly, once he knew that I was not into casual - from being super attracted to me, he said that he did not feel anything romantic between us. I chose not to respond to the message instead I blocked him and moved on.

OLD is making some men really bad at dating/chatting up a woman.

@Willows991 good for you having your boundaries set. Absolutely agree on OLD making men look awful at dating/chatting up women or just bad n general

I don't mind being called darling or babe, it's quite common around my area. I don't use it, but my Male friends do even to female friends.

Placemarking.

My 'love' life is non existent. Not getting any decent interest on any of the apps. Even fab is quiet. Meh.

Hello,can I join?Been dating a guy for a few weeks now,get on really well, no issues until a couple of nights ago in bed.I woke up hanging off the edge of bed and nudged him asking to move a bit,he told me to f off.I said dont speak to me like that and he said it again.Now I know he was sleeping and I disturbed him but it left me feeling so vulnerable being spoken to like that.I've been in an abusive relationship before and it just triggered the memories.
In the morning he knew there was something wrong with me so I told him what happened and he doesn't remember it.He's apologised alot but I just can't seem to forget it.I've explained to him why.
So am I being over sensitive by thinking about ending things with him? When everything else has been good up until this

@Arley has he spoken to you like that before? Is he aggressive or rude normally?

I only ask as I've been known to tell someone to Foff in my sleep. And I didn't know, mainly as I actually sleep talk and I was obv still sleep so didnt know I had. I did apologise the next day and they just laughed it off.

If there is nothing else, I wouldn't hold it against them.

@lifegoes nope never spoken to me like that or shown any signs of aggression at all.
He has apologised loads and said he's aware that he has done it before in previous relationships,so he cant promise it wont happen again.
I suppose my problem is more the way I've been left feeling after it, maybe I am just being over sensitive

Welcome misty cosmic willow arley 👋
Interesting reading about everyone's experiences of narcissists with superiority complexes - I too was abused in my last relationship although ex would never admit he was abusive - also like others have said I think he believes his own bullshit! Luckily I finally came to my senses and escaped but he did a lot of damage.

Still with my bf and very happy at the moment. Just taking it as it comes

@Arley people say all sorts in their sleep. The first night I spent with one iron he shouted "I fucking love you" at the top of his voice at me. He clearly didn't mean it.

@30somethingandsingleagain  maybe it's because you're not quite ready yet?

@shitwithsugaron when is your chat? I have MH issues (sometimes it seems like everyone on this thread is well over 40 with a child with SEN and a narcissistic/abusive ex. Plus MH issues. I am/have all these too....) and it can make me go a bit chippy. And I might have said something similar a few years ago. I'm not excusing him but maybe see how it goes...

I'm still neither on nor off the smitten bench. I suspect I've just hit the 3 month hump in a relationship that will never be long term so I'm wondering what the hell to do with it. Hopefully I'll be able to stop analysing it and just enjoy it for what irbid again...

Same here Arley I sometimes sleepwalk and talk, my ex used to find me either wandering round the bedroom or sat up whacking the bed sheets looking for spiders or snakes. Apparently I'd often tell her to f off when she tried to get me back into bed.
I know you have to take my word for it, but hand on heart I can promise this did not translate into abusive behaviour when I was awake.
So if you've seen no evidence of it before then I would say don't end it just for that.

Arley this happened to me last summer with a bloke I was seeing. I yelled fuck off to him in my sleep and I was completely oblivious. He woke me up and sat at the side of the bed with his face in his hands and was in such a mood. I felt terrible but decided to laugh it off as didn't want it to become a ' thing'. It did though and I was worried about him sleeping over after that as he would be asking if it was going to happen again.
I wouldn't worry and I wouldn't let it become an issue if everything else is good

I'd take anything someone says whilst they're asleep with a pinch of salt Arley, I can understand why that would upset you, but he does sound genuinely remorseful. Try not to judge him by what he unknowingly said when he was asleep by what some arse deliberately said to you whilst they were awake

@Notcoolmum did you end things with MrS, I couldn't tell from your previous posts if it was still going or not?

Honestly @Arley like others have said it's absolutely nothing to worry about. He sounds lovely

@shitwithsugaron I do agree fully with @Peanuthedz there

@30somethingandsingleagain I think you just need some time 😘

Thankyou to all that replied,I'll forget about it and not let it ruin things.

@JeSuisPrest your last sentence is so true,thankyou

@Arley lots of people sleep talk/sleep walk, so I would try not to worry about it. I sometimes sleep walk, but I do the same thing everytime. I get up and fold the two bottom corners of the duvet over, I then stand and stare at the bed for a few minutes before getting back in.

@SimonJT imagine waking up and seeing you just staring at the bed 👀 that would freak me out 😂😂😂 and why the corners of the bed? Were you a maid in previous life?!

I have no idea how long I have done it for, the first time I knew about it was when I was woken up by a guy I had taken home screaming, probably thought I was going to murder him in his sleep. FWB managed to film me doing it once and I was watching him the whole time I was carrying out my ritual, creepy.

No idea, never made to make the bed or anything as a child, I would be the worlds worst maid, unless people wanted to pay to live in a skip.

Sorry to hear what you have gone through crustaceans. I have been through similar so really empathise.

ant330 funny you should ask. It's been brewing for the last few weeks but we ended things today. I'm devastated. Not just that it's ended but how he behaved. I'm not ready to discuss it yet in here but his reaction has hurt more than it simply being over.

Hopefully I will end this thread happier than I have joined it 🤞

@Notcoolmum Very sorry to hear that and apologies for bringing it up when it's so raw, you know we're all here for you when you're ready

@Notcoolmum I hope you managed to sleep okay after what was clearly an unpleasant day: