Newly dating man who seems insecure, red flag?

[SMellisa]

Need some advice please.

I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months who is the most passionate and sensitive guy I’ve ever dated and that’s just within 3 months. Yesterday I came across a negative trait I think he may have which is now worrying me??

When we aren’t together we communicate by WhatsApp all the time.

If you are familiar with WhatsApp it states when you read someone’s message and when you respond, it also states when you were last active.

The guy messaged me yesterday morning at work which we always do and I responded to say I was just slightly busy so may take longer to respond, that was at 11 and I didn’t hear from him until 3pm when he sent me this very randomly:

“Well I’ve checked.. you’re not that busy as you’ve been on here.. Don’t know why you think I deserve to be mugged off but thanks :( explanation would of been nice... thought you were better than that...”

I then responded slightly confused to basically say sorry if I’d offended him and it was 100% no intention of mine.... I then said if I’ve offended you that much I’ll leave you alone and give you some space (his message was very out of character for him so I was slightly upset by it)

I didn’t get a response from him until 2 hours later where he says ‘sorry he was just stressed with work’ !!

Is that fair?

He has since then been sending me a few messages to say he would be heartbroken if I stopped speaking to him, etc...

I had been on WhatsApp a few other times that day to just check some messages from friends and some wedding photos I had been sent from a friend’s wedding a few months ago. He has obviously been checking when I was last on.

Maybe it is me over thinking? Is this a red flag? I have never had this before in a relationship so not sure how to deal with it. Baring in mind this guy is 42 so he’s not immature, this isn’t his first relationship.

We seem fine now but until next time .... !

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Xx

I'm sure I've read this before....

@SMellisa You sound like a lovely girl but you aren't following this through enough IMO. Being polite / nice / giving him a reason for your behaviour is adding fuel to the fire. You absolutely need to block someone like this on all platforms so they cannot contact you. He won't take the message any other way - anything you'll say he will flip around to minimise his actions or your reactions. You can see that can't you love?

And "somebody's popular" or "somebody's busy" is straight out of the overbearing controlling wanker handbook.

Please listen to us and actually block him, stop giving him an avenue to contact you through otherwise this will drag on and on for you.

Hacking someone's phone is illegal just in case anyone was even considering doing it.

@ThatCurlyGirl thank you. I think that's why I'm a push over and easily manipulated, I'm too nice. I seem to attract these type of guys!! I don't know why. I must be easily controlled. I've seen it too many times now...

OP goodness, he honestly sounds like a 14year old, insecure school boy. Those are the kind of twattish messages my first boyfriend and I sent each other, before either of us knew how to conduct a relationship properly! He clearly hasn't grown out of that phase!

Bin him. Sooner the better.

@Blanca87 not communicating, we are not taking now and it's been a day. I haven't heard yet.

I haven't heard yet? Why haven't you blocked him? Are you scared of not being 'nice'?

What did he actually say when you binned him? Just out of interest

With much (tough) love - Block him Ffs !!!

My goodness you seem lovely but being polite is sometimes more dangerous than being "rude" or abrupt.

Being nice and polite is the reason girls accept lifts from strangers when it's raining, talk to someone scary at a bus stop, send a friendly reply a sleazeball at work instead of confronting them ...

We are taught from a young age that being rude is the worst thing to be. Sometimes its the safest and the best to be.

He is not getting the message. Either be direct with him or block him - what's stopping you? I'm worried you seem to understand all the things he's doing that are red flags but you aren't following through and acting on it.

Have you told him you don’t want to see him again?

He's now officially on my block list ..... why does it feel rubbish? It's for the best, I need to keep telling myself !!! Thanks everyone.

not communicating, we are not taking now and it's been a day. I haven't heard yet.

If you just block him then you won't hear from him and then you can be done with all this mess!

I think if you aren't going to block him now then maybe you won't and it'll rumble on, but we've given as much advice as we can - I hope you block him and just move on!

When I used to even entertain drama llamas like him my mum used to say "In a year you won't even remember his name." She is wise - listen to her if not all of us!!

Sorry cross posted

WELL DONE!

Now delete his number too and then there are no ties - rinse and repeat blocking for all platforms:

Whatsapp
iMessage
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
Etc

Done. Onwards and upwards lovely girl!

"Are you mugging me off?"
"Yes, I am. Goodbye"
And BLOCK.
(if you don't block him, you are starting to sound like my friend that I started another thread about)

Dammit - too slow typing X-posted.
Well done OP

I think that's why I'm a push over and easily manipulated, I'm too nice. I seem to attract these type of guys!! I don't know why

^

We all know why. Dickheads like him can tell insecurity from a mile away. It's like a sixth sense. Good job you've got us lot to tell you to get rid.

Hope you're ok @SMellisa

@ThatCurlyGirl yes thank you :) haven't heard from him.... I'm surprised !!

Phew!

Well done but if you genuinely blocked him then this:

haven't heard from him.... I'm surprised !!

Shouldn't be a surprise! I wouldn't be surprised anyway. He probably has a few options open!