Newly dating man who seems insecure, red flag?

[SMellisa]

Need some advice please.

I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months who is the most passionate and sensitive guy I’ve ever dated and that’s just within 3 months. Yesterday I came across a negative trait I think he may have which is now worrying me??

When we aren’t together we communicate by WhatsApp all the time.

If you are familiar with WhatsApp it states when you read someone’s message and when you respond, it also states when you were last active.

The guy messaged me yesterday morning at work which we always do and I responded to say I was just slightly busy so may take longer to respond, that was at 11 and I didn’t hear from him until 3pm when he sent me this very randomly:

“Well I’ve checked.. you’re not that busy as you’ve been on here.. Don’t know why you think I deserve to be mugged off but thanks :( explanation would of been nice... thought you were better than that...”

I then responded slightly confused to basically say sorry if I’d offended him and it was 100% no intention of mine.... I then said if I’ve offended you that much I’ll leave you alone and give you some space (his message was very out of character for him so I was slightly upset by it)

I didn’t get a response from him until 2 hours later where he says ‘sorry he was just stressed with work’ !!

Is that fair?

He has since then been sending me a few messages to say he would be heartbroken if I stopped speaking to him, etc...

I had been on WhatsApp a few other times that day to just check some messages from friends and some wedding photos I had been sent from a friend’s wedding a few months ago. He has obviously been checking when I was last on.

Maybe it is me over thinking? Is this a red flag? I have never had this before in a relationship so not sure how to deal with it. Baring in mind this guy is 42 so he’s not immature, this isn’t his first relationship.

We seem fine now but until next time .... !

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Xx

Fucking hell OP! everything you do has to relate to HIM, doesn't it? Get rid for your own health. Seriously, he has major problems and shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

Social media isn’t the problem: he is!

You can change Whatsapp settings to not reveal when you were last online.

It shouldn't be this hard and he sounds quite controlling. Hope you're ok.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3533444-to-hate-that-whatsapp-shows-you-are-online
This may help deal with one problem at least

Another voice urging you to please get away from this man he sounds super creepy x

Totally agree with ElektraUnchained

I hope you manage to extricate him from your life asap OP!

I am walking on eggshells.

Run like the wind. Seriously. This is the start of an abusive relationship.

Misogynist. In his head you're already married. On his best behaviour at the moment but the sort who thinks any woman who innocently smiles at him is A Tart. Possibly on day release from a stalkers prison and just SO disappointed that he has a cellar full of exes who all 'failed' him and let him down. Stay with him and theres a special spot in that cellar reserved just for you... He's busy polishing your chains now!

Red flags right from your OP! And more with every post so that by now he might as well be flying one of those little planes, pulling a banner made up entirely of red flag bunting and spelling out, 'SMellisa! Run! Now!' in letters in the sky... (For extra clues and dramatic atmosphere he's wearing a grinning clown mask and disembodied ice cream van music is playing...) Actually creeping out myself with this!

Dating is meant to be FUN. Label his forehead with an indelible stamp to warn the rest of us, boot him out the door and shout 'Next!' And yes, agree get police involved straight away if there is any funny business at all after you've got rid. If he's 42 they may well have come across him before. Is it possible to check his history online?

How did he take it @SMellisa?

Hi op,

I've skim read the thread.
You're doing the right thing ending it.

I think the way dating is today and the added element of whatsapp time stamps etc. can make people insecure. I know it can make me feel insecure and question things and have me ringing a friend for an opinion on delayed responses etc. HOWEVER I do not send messages like that and would not accept it from someone else. Especially when I had let them know I'm having a busy day. An emotionally stable person might feel insecure but they would not send a message like that, although in this situation you had let him know you were busy so he had no reason to worry.

There is so much about your posts that scream that this man is emotionally manipulative. I would run for the hills. Block on everything and don't look back.

OP did you do it?

Have you ended it?

I read your update, he's a right fucking loon.

I regularly take breaks from SM. Toxic sometimes.

Hi all, yes finished after I got this message at 12:30am:

You’re up late?.... won’t do that flu any good..? Sleep time sweetheart x

I was online Facebook browsing and clearly saw I was online by the messenger!!

Very scary.

I have changed WhatsApp to show when I'm NOT online also x

Thanks all for your comments xxx

Oh god. Run!

I've been reading up a lot on the first signs of abusive and controlling behaviour and psychologists seem to agree that the sooner on in a relationship that aggression tends to manifest, the more serious the abuse will be.

He's testing the waters now, seeing whether your self esteem is so low you're likely to put up and shut up or whether you'll walk away.

Well done OP. How did you do it?

Blimey! that's one scary dude!

Have you blocked him OP?

Did you message him or just block?

That's controlling behaviour - a massive red flag 🚩

@ElspethFlashman I played the classic 'it's not you it's me card' I didn't feel it was worth getting personal, easier for me to get out the better.

I got the apologies etc... I haven't blocked him yet.

Bloody hell, you had a lucky escape what a feckin' nutter.

Oh OP, that was one creepy message. I really would have been shocked and scared by it. Its like one of those weird programmes where the person is watched by a computer (I think it was on Killing Eve this week!!!).

It is odd that the abusive behaviour escalated so quickly, however, it is good for you that it did as it was easier to step back from it and see how weird it was. But you are so lucky to have said goodbye - imagine how bad he would have been if you had lived together.

Wishing you good luck and much happiness going on from this OP. And remember we are here to support you. I hope you have told your friends IRL so you have back up in case he does not like you telling him it is over.

I haven't blocked but will see if I get another message something tells me I will. If it gets nastier a block plan will be in place!!

It's difficult but after the message received last night ... what's scary the most is he knows how to draw you in, he's attractive and he is the 'hold the door open' type and 'let me buy that for you' type!! But I know that's how it starts. I'm the nice guy, you can trust me ...

Well done OP.
Hope you meet someone nice soon (not that you need a man of course, but if you're looking to meet someone then I hope it works out ).