Newly dating man who seems insecure, red flag?

[SMellisa]

Need some advice please.

I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months who is the most passionate and sensitive guy I’ve ever dated and that’s just within 3 months. Yesterday I came across a negative trait I think he may have which is now worrying me??

When we aren’t together we communicate by WhatsApp all the time.

If you are familiar with WhatsApp it states when you read someone’s message and when you respond, it also states when you were last active.

The guy messaged me yesterday morning at work which we always do and I responded to say I was just slightly busy so may take longer to respond, that was at 11 and I didn’t hear from him until 3pm when he sent me this very randomly:

“Well I’ve checked.. you’re not that busy as you’ve been on here.. Don’t know why you think I deserve to be mugged off but thanks :( explanation would of been nice... thought you were better than that...”

I then responded slightly confused to basically say sorry if I’d offended him and it was 100% no intention of mine.... I then said if I’ve offended you that much I’ll leave you alone and give you some space (his message was very out of character for him so I was slightly upset by it)

I didn’t get a response from him until 2 hours later where he says ‘sorry he was just stressed with work’ !!

Is that fair?

He has since then been sending me a few messages to say he would be heartbroken if I stopped speaking to him, etc...

I had been on WhatsApp a few other times that day to just check some messages from friends and some wedding photos I had been sent from a friend’s wedding a few months ago. He has obviously been checking when I was last on.

Maybe it is me over thinking? Is this a red flag? I have never had this before in a relationship so not sure how to deal with it. Baring in mind this guy is 42 so he’s not immature, this isn’t his first relationship.

We seem fine now but until next time .... !

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Xx

My now DH used to send me cute quote pictures in the early days so it's not always insincere love bombing. He would never have sent that WhatsApp message though. Definite red flag.

Oh hang on, I see that you did immediately apologise and reassure him.
Maybe he didn’t miss that mark after all.

I’d speak to him about it in person, make it very clear you’re not impressed and it’s behaviour you won’t tolerate going forward.

My new boyfriend is very sensitive and caring but not so possessive, if I’ve not replied all day he’d be worried as it’s out of character for me (or I’m crabbit)

Maybe he’s having an off day, he shouldn’t be taking it out on you though. But don’t bin him off until you’ve spoken about it.

@pictish I think I made a mistake with this one. I apologised if I had 'upset' him
And it 'wasn't my intention'. I also told him why I was on WhatsApp and not speaking to him... i regret the explanation and apology now!! Should have laid it on then...

Don’t worry about it. You’re a polite person.
But your instinct there...it’s doing for you very well. He insulted you and you apologised. You know that’s not what you want.

Sounds like a narcissist to me.

I couldn't 've dealing with him, sounds draining x

@Sarah22xx he is after 3 months.. I was flattered at first but then I don't know if I can deal with this.

Oh God, the update is even worse - no no no get rid of him. Do not meet in person to talk - please never take that advice from someone on here. You owe him nothing, he has messaged you weirdly more than once, and you've only been dating 3 month. Just let it go (sing as you do so....)

And I'm a psychologist and I agree this is just not a good sign. My DH and I would not even know how to see when someone was on WhatsAPP - he is stalking you online. If he was stalking you IRL you would be worried, please realise that this is only one step away from that.

Run like the wind, OP.

@Annasgirl thanks for your thoughts it's helped xx

Run like hell. The WhatsApp stuff is a massive red flag, not just this latest, nasty, throwing his toys out of the pram message after stalking you, but the other one too. I've been with someone like this, (he was massively "loving and sensitive" too, until he was a cruel bastard), it almost ruined my life.

You can’t. Dump him while it’s still brand new and before you find yourself further sucked into the black hole.

Thanks so much everyone... all the comments have helped

Is a man who says "would of" really the man for you?

Yeah, I've been with someone like this too. They turn you crazy

Yes I’ve been with one like this. They take offence at the slightest thing and then you start questioning yourself and tying yourself up in knots.

@Knewyouwerewaiting that's another thing he does... he takes offensive at everything I say. I am walking on eggshells. I put it down to him just being 'sensitive' and I need to tread gently by no. I wonder why he takes everything I say to offence so much.

Creepy creepy creep face. Dump the creep!

I am walking on eggshells.

Even ignoring everything else, this is the biggest red flag. Also a definite sign that this has been going on for too long. Get away.

He takes offence as a way to control you. Just like his quizzing about your WhatsApp activities. He may have apologised but that seed is in there so next time you'll be worried about upsetting him. And so it starts....

He might not even realise what he's doing. I think most people like this don't and they're kidding themselves as well as you.

Why on earth would you keep seeing him? He sounds utterly suffocating! Imagine how clingy he'll be in a few months or years - it'll only get worse. Have you told him it's not going to work now? Please stick to your guns, I've had friends like this and it's horrible panicking you haven't replied and see they've messaged you again to guilt trip you into doing it on their expected timeline. Please sack him off!

Don't confront him. Just back away. 'It's not you, it's me - I've realised I'm not ready for a relationship' and offski. Block. Gone.

No no no. I'm awful with boundaries but I did a lot of online dating and even I would have run a mile at that one. He's shown you his true face!

Fucking hell, hes not going to take this lightly is he