Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

• sex worker

The dates in question were days when I was at work and DH was off. He works shifts and is at work at the moment (nights).

Have you tried searching for the number on social media?
Is it definitely linked to DH phone and not an email address in the cloud, which might account for the name?
Have you checked to see if you have the number stored on your phone and it’s not just someone you know?
Can you account for where he was on the dates of the messages?

I think given your family life, you need to be 100% sure before you confront him and already have some of the answers should the worst come to the worst, so he doesn’t try to bluff his way out of it...

Google search of number =nothing
Also nothing on Facebook.

I know it's dead linked to DH's phone as all my messages to him and his to me are also on there. There's also a message from his daughter from previous relationship.

Why would he be arranging to meet a sex works for coffee?

I don't know.But to be asking when someone is working next and for the reply to be giving a flat number seems a bit odd.

If he’s careless enough to leave texts on the iPad like that (presuming it’s a shared one?) then their might be other signs if he’s up to something; have you checked photos?

Obviously, it doesn’t sound great and (forgive me for saying this), but if you’ve looked intentionally, it sounds like you have a hunch that something is amiss?

As hard as this is, try and stay super objective about it, until it’s resolved.

*there might be

Do people meet up with sex workers for lunch or coffee?

Why the made up name though?

I would be suspicious yes

I did have a hunch that something might be amiss a few weeks ago and asked him outright, but he swore on our son's life there was no one else.

I didn't go looking on the iPad for messages though.

It is actually DS's iPad but he hasn't been using it for a long time and DH seems to have taken it over. It was on the bedside table in the spare room (which DH uses as a dressing room) - I just picked it up idling wondering whether to watch a film on it and just clicked into messages wondering what was there: I had no thought there might be messages to/ from DH.

I work in an escort agency and i can tell you for sure none of our service providers meet clients for coffee or lunch.

Giggling, I really don't know.

But in the other hand if it was a friend who would they be calling him another name, telling DH when they were working next and what flat to come to?

How many texts are there? Is it a long conversation? Are you sure it’s a woman ( not a technician, plumber friend who could work in that flay)? Don’t much about link between ipad phone but have a look at the technical stuff on the internet to find out whose the number is. Based solely on your first message, I feel it could be anything unless theres more / more often communication, then it might be different but don’t assume the worst just yet. Good luck, I hope you find out soon it’s nothing bad x

Ok maybe not a sex worker then, just a normal other woman who's telling him when she's free and where she lives.

Can you put the number into WhatsApp? That usually shows a profile photo and name if they have it set up to display it to everyone rather than their own contacts.

For now don’t let on anything to your husband. Keep the number safe, perhaps call it again periodically until you get through.

Keep an eye on the iPad. Gather as much evidence as you can before you confront him.

Would DH be meeting a plumber for lunch / coffee though, and would he/her be telling DH that "I'd like that"?

There is also a message asking if it's ok to call- why the need to check first?

It's not a long string no, looks like he deletes chunks regularly.

I definitely don’t think it’s a sex worker, but clearly, something in his behaviour is giving you reason to be concerned.
It doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to let it go without confronting him (which is understandable), so...rather than ask him again if there’s someone else, why don’t you ask him who the messages are to/from and if he gives you an answer you don’t believe or you feel he’s lying, get him to call it in front of you.
His reaction alone should tell you all you need to know.

I wonder if the first txt should have ‘where’ instead of ‘when’, this person knew what your DH should ask hence the answer

Could it be something connected to his job maybe?. Does he liaise with estate agents, plumbers, electricians decorators something like that?. Could be a nickname from work?

I just put the number into what's app and there is no profile picture just the "hey I'm using what's app" strapline.

Maybe I should message from my phone asking when they are working next?

His name is nothing like the one they have used and not a nickname type name, just another normal male name.

His work doesn't involve plumbers/ electricians etc.

I also don't think a man would reply to a coffee invitation with "I'd like that"?? It sounds odd.

Also why ask if it is ok to call, if it was just a plumber or whatever they would surely not need to check?

Don’t message them! If you think they know they’re the OW (hence the texts checking if it’s a good time to call) they’ll know who you are?

ELW- it might go through to voicemail again if I asked him to call it in front of me. And in the meantime he might get in touch / might give them time to invent a cover story.

Could be anything, but again just for reference if a agency or escort was sending a client a txt it would generally just be 'hey' or 'hello to get them to reply rather than us it ok to call?