Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

I would say the jury's out at the moment but it does sound a bit dodgy. I would put the Ipad back exactly where it was and do not confront him at this stage, but do observe and collect more information. You need to turn detective!

Does the iPad have Google chrome as search engine or safari?

I would not suggest moving the inheritance to a family member either as this will look like you are trying to put it beyond the reach of the court and could impact the court's view of your credibility.

Safari browser

You can keep watching in the iPad without him realising, you might see the messages before he deletes the,.

Yes guess I'll just have to keep an eye out. It doesn't sound good, my gut feeling is that he is up to something.

I have no way of checking app purchases or downloads, I don't know his Apple ID of password.

The dates in question were days when I was at work and DH was off

Can you use this to predict when the next 'encounter' is likely to happen. You seem incredibly chilled about this OP, I'd be going crazy by now.

Ah ok. Chrome has another way to check history... not Safari.
I feel for you. Very tough call, to confront or keep vigilant with the iPad. I would perhaps call the number again from a landline (not yours obviously) and not withhold the number.

They probably delete when he deletes them off is phone.
No they don’t

There is a setting that can make the device emit a beep and may need to look into it if you don't want it to beep and alert him that you are checking.
It doesn’t beep when you check it. It only sounds if you press the button which asks it to.

And it only works if the other user has enabled it on their phone.

If he’s met someone online or is using a sex worker there’s every chance he’s given a fake name to stop them from finding him on social media or through work or something.

Hi. To start with I thought that it sounded pretty innocent. Then I read about him leaving you and suddenly coming back when you got a large inheritance - why did you take him back at that point? Weren't you suspicious he was only there for your money?

I would say he left for another woman when he left you before. When he/they found out about the money, they decided to work out how to get "his" share.

If you have this money, hire a private investigator. They will be much better set up to look into this for you and if he is cheating, you'll have the evidence you need to make sure he doesn't get a penny of your inheritance! Tell the investigator it is crucial to get evidence of when the affair started if he is seeing someone else. If you can prove it was before you got the inheritance, you shouldn't have any problem keeping it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. They do say that when people think /feel that there's something going on, they are usually right. It could be though that he's hiding something else - drug habit, therapy, meeting a long lost child he had no idea about until recently. So get the proof you need and don't confront him until you have enough evidence.

Good luck!

Don’t tell him you’ve seen the messages, don’t alert him to the fact they’re on the iPad - this way if he keeps messaging you’ll be able to read them and get a better idea of what’s going on.

Grained, I think I knew in my gut there was no future in the relationship. I have been in torment about the inheritance thinking he only wanted the money. But he insists he loves me.

I'm so glad I haven't paid the mortgage yet, something seemed to be stopping me. I'm almost relieved if this turns out to be evidence he is cheating. I can then tell him to pack his bags with head held high, rather than feeling mean for doing him because I "suspected" he wanted my money.

I'm clearly just too trusting/ optimistic - or naive / gullible.

You need to play clever here OP. Look at ways to protect the cash whilst gathering more evidence . If your instincts turn out to be correct at least you will know the truth and can move forward.

I'll probably be set right on this, but my initial reaction would be to gift your inheritance money to someone you trust implicitly (maybe your sister, assuming it is under tax thresholds for gifts); so he won't see a penny and then tackle him. Proceed and hopefully that will keep your money safe.

The lawyer on here has advised the OP not to gift the money.

Is your inheritance money in your own, separate bank account? Don't let it go into a joint account & definitely don't pay off the mortgage/use it for household needs or expenses to prevent it being deemed a marital asset. I think he definitely came back to you for the money - this says a lot about him & zero about you. Don't let that knock your self esteem. I'd casually mention to him one day that you're considering donating all the money to some charity, just to give him a bit of payback.

My money is in a separate account in my name only; we have separate bank accounts.

Namechanged for this. I used to use FabSwingers years ago and this sounds like a typical exchange. Meeting for a ‘social’, i.e. coffee to vet/ensure attraction before the main event. 9 times out of ten, a ‘single guy’ would be not at all single and it was glaringly obvious so I gave them a wide berth.

Dig around a bit and there’ll be more. Can you get into his emails? Fab emails normally go into junk.

Sorry OP, it sounds really grim.

Sometimes WhatsApp predicts name, if I type hon it often changes to Jon. Could be the reason the name is wrong. Try typing the name into WhatsApp and see if it suggests anything else.

But yes, it certainly bis suspect given your feeling something was not right a few weeks ago. I'm really sorry, this must be awful for you.

Dont even ask him about the texts. Kick him out he sounds like a complete loser.

Say you’re going into work next time he’s off but actually take the day off. Follow him. No; I’m not kidding!

Windmill, the messages are not WhatsApp messages: they are normal text /imessages.

Crispy, yes I'd already thought of doing something similar. Popping home unexpectedly. I don't see how I could actually follow him, he would notice.

The other reason I thought there could be sex worker involved was that he is being super mean with money for DS at the moment and going on about how skint he is. While expecting me to pay for everything naturally. Feeling this morning.

He's not home from night shift yet and wondering just how I'm going to be able to act normal, not confront him there & then. I know I need to wait, but arghhh- hard!