Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

I hear you that you don’t think a guy would reply “I’d like that” but it doesn’t sound very sexy either?
Why would he delete more incriminating texts that might confirm an affair (like sexting) but not the texts to arrange meeting?? Doesn’t really make sense?

I would check dating sites (or if that iPad is linked to his iTunes then go into apps to see if any have been downloaded in the history) to see if he has a fake profile under another name. That would explain the other name - OW may know no different.

My DH’s colleague often txt him if it’s ok to call. Their conversations are usually lengthy ( about work) so they are trying to find a long chunk of time without interruption. And they could meet up for coffee in the town centre sometimes to discuss stuff but TBH none of them would answer ‘I’d like that’ rather something like ‘ok, see you in an hour’ .

I get what you’re saying about a cover story, but you’ll totally know by his reaction if he’s lying and being put under that much pressure with a direct question about specific texts will be too difficult to lie about to you.

It really does sound suspicious.

What made you suspicious before this?

ELW- you're right it doesn't sound sexy. None of them do. Maybe they're just being careful to keep texts functional.

The really odd thing is why DH has given them a false name to use.

I mean, let's say for instance DH is called John, why would he pretend to this contact to be called Dave??

Strange as doesn’t sound like an escort nor ow but certainly dodgy

Honestly, I can’t answer the name thing other than it’s a silly nickname (like the other person once called him Dave mistakenly and it’s stuck as a joke).
This part feels quite deceptive, so I would take the advice of the other poster and check dating sites under the false name?

I honestly think we could draw infinite conclusions thought and without pinning him down with specific evidence or questions, we aren’t going to guess correctly.

Why would he delete selected texts, be cautious about wording and use a nickname (all pointing in the direction he is doing something he shouldnt) and not simply password protect the ipad, leave it hanging around?

It could be someone he has met in a hook-up sex site like Ashley Madison or Fab Swingers etc. In which case they would meet up for coffee/lunch etc. Have you checked the browsing history? Call history on WhatsApp? Can you access his phone?

OP - before you spin out of control in suspicions - how is it with H otherwise? Is the relationship OK? Are you generally happy together?
Any recent changes?
It may all be nothing with a simple explanation.
Or - if things were off lately - it may be something.
Both equally possible because we don’t know how it is for you....

But regardless of anything - these messages aren’t much to go on with. Very easy to explain away. IF anything is up - and you actually want to find out you need to wait and see.
But - be careful what you wish for.

Someone I know has recently told her H in coupes therapy, as their marriage completely unraveling... Why didn’t you lie back then when I found .... Back then she thought she wanted to know the truth and confront him. But - sadly for her - it set an unfortunate turn of events in motion and she now regrets looking for proof.

I mean has no one considered the possibility that “meeting for coffee” is code for “meeting for sex” and that the name given to him is to give him plausible deniability “I have no idea how these messages are on my iPad, they aren’t even addressed to me!”

The "flat d" thing.... does he work with police by any chance? Or nurses?

Also might be a way to recover deleted stuff? Maybe if someone is good on here with technical stuff. Has anything else chsnged in his behaviour? Do you have a joint bank account?

Mmmm, it does sound a bit suspicious. I'd probably do what ELW85 suggests and ask him about the messages. When he tells you, if your intuition is that he's lying then ask him to text something (you decide what) to the number in front of you.

I suppose he could be using a different name for one of 2 reasons:

1. So he can say the text was clearly a mistake and meant for someone else or
2. The person he is in contact with is under the impression that is his name.

I hope there is a reasonable explanation OP and, if so, please come back and let us know.

I can't access his phone. He had it with him and it is Face ID accessed. I don't know the passcode he won't tell me. I don't know why he didn't change the lock code on DS's iPad or even if he realises it has copies of his text messages on there.

He's not the most tech savvy person.

There is no call history or what's app loaded onto the iPad.

I suppose I could look at some websites for fake profiles but don't know where to start - apart from the two sites mentioned in post.

But what do the messages say? We need context

If I were a man going to a prostitute, I wouldn't use my real name.

If I was having a brief fling with someone, I probably wouldn't use my real name (if possible.)

If I was up to no good on my phone, I'd use a fake name.

Sounds like a sex worker to me.

Can you check internet search history on the iPad?

Things have been ok for the last 7 months. Before that he left me as I was depressed. He came back when I inherited a large sum of money. I'm planning to pay off the mortgage.

My DSis told me the other day I was a fool and warned me he'd bugger off again once I'd paid the mortgage and also demand half of the house.

I have a lot more money than him. However I understand Inheritance is 'ring fenced' so am thinking maybe I should keep it as £ rather than paying off mortgage. Just in case...

There is no internet search history on iPad - it's all been cleared.

Does the iPad have FaceTime? Check the call history on this. Only saying these things as this is how I found ex cheating

Giggling, I don't see how he could say the texts were not meant for him
when he replied though?

It does have facetime, can't see any calm history though.