Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

Might even buy a cheap phone and call without withholding a number, or text from said new phone saying "hi when are you working next?"

Genius!

I hope you're ok this morning OP, calm yourself before he gets home and try and act normal

Stop subbing him op. Money for clothes?

To be honest, you don't need any more reasons to walk away with your head held high. Your husband sounds awful. Most importantly you are unhappy. Do you love him?

Get legal advice re inheritance. I might be wrong but the longer you are with his after getting it, I think the more of a marital asset it becomes.

Time to get your ducks in a row.

He had scratches on both arms yesterday which he said he got while tidying the garden. Not much evidence of any tidying as far as I could see.

Have not seen his back naked since Weds due to going to sleep before him/ him being on nights.

We haven't had sex for about 3 weeks. He also hasn't been that "bothered" about that which in retrospect in unusual.

I think you already know he is up to no good and wouldn't waste any more time trying to figure out if he's cheating.

I would see a SHL to find out how to protect your money and then file for a divorce.

I might be wrong but the longer you are with his after getting it, I think the more of a marital asset it becomes

I think you're right about this.

Olivia. No right now I don't love him. I was planning to stay until DS was older as last time DH left me due to me being depressed, he also took DS with him saying as I was ill I was not fit to look after him.

I was entirely fit and spent a lot of £ and effort starting off court procedures and what have you to force him to return DS to my care / shared care.

As I said we decided after a few months to give it another go as he felt I was "better" and coincidentally (or not) I inherited the £.

I think subconsciously ever since that time, I have been thinking I could take the inheritance and but myself a new place.

Yes I'm withholding my number

You could also sign up for adultwork.co.uk and see if you can find the number there. You have to pay a few £ to subscribe to the telephone directory, then you can search it. Or you can browse escorts in your area. A bit sordid, but needs must...

Most escorts profiles specifically say they do not respond to withheld numbers.

So you assume he is texting a sex worker? Try ask him fgs

Fika, thanks.

I signed up to fabswingers last night to see if I could find a profile from DH. I couldn't.

It was awful though, full of crass misspelt profiles of unattractive males with penis photos. And horrid maroon patterned crumpled bed linen in the background

Fika, thanks.

I signed up to fabswingers last night to see if I could find a profile from DH. I couldn't.

It was awful though, full of crass misspelt profiles of unattractive males with erect penis photos. And horrid maroon patterned crumpled bed linen in the background

I think your sister is right OP.
It's pretty clear what is going on here and I think you would be wise to keep hold of the money and kick him out.

Morning - this thread moved fast!

The money aspect certainly gave everything a different light...

OP - there are a lot of great points made and advice given, however if I’m being really direct with you, the marriage is over, cheating or not.

Even if there was a logical explanation for everything (which sounds increasingly unlikely), the trust has gone and his behaviour is not that of someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.

I totally understand wanting to keep the family unit together, but honestly, it’s the wrong environment for DS and you, and will do more harm than good.

Today is a new day, instruct a solicitor, quietly gather any remaining evidence, keep your head high and start looking forward to life after this man.

I caught my ex by texting the number (They do not reply to withheld nos.) Asked for a booking saying a friend recommended. Got the replies I needed to kick his ass out. Adultwork was a whole new education for me, reviews left, hookers he'd visited and like you I was almost relieved to have found out as knew it was dead in the water. The evidence spurred me on to find the anger and pull those big girl pants up to deal with it. Good luck

Hi OP,
You mentioned using your inheritance to get yourself a new place - make sure if you divorce you get what you are entitled to which will be a share of any mortgaged property, savings and pensions or trading these off against each other.

In light of your recent message I think you should try to gather very concrete evidence of your husbands activities even if it involves hiring a private detective. If you can prove he is using a sex worker you can threaten to release this evidence during the divorce giving you leverage against him to keep hold of your son (rather than him tell you that you are not suitable due to depression tell him he is not suitable due to this activity) and leverage for settlement.

It is very important that you get mad (with your husband) and not sad - you need to be strong for your son. Get clever - make sure everyone - school/friends/dr whoever is relevant can see you are coping and strong and that he will struggle to find evidence to the contrary.

Good luck

I really don't think this is a sex worker I think it's a normal woman.

A sex worker won't use code, they don't care, they wouldn't ask if free to call. They just make plans and meet up. They don't get hugely involved in text conversations, it's email.

I do agree with another poster - either way this is over

Also, unfortunately, you should get yourself tested for STIs/STDs as you don't know how long this has been going on.

If you are into evidence gathering mode and can't track the phone, you could perhaps track the car with one of these.
www.amazon.co.uk/Vehicle-Tracker-Locator-Diagnostic-Tracksolid/dp/B07GN21KMG/ref=sr_1_9?s=gateway&keywords=car+tracker&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1558168875&sr=8-9
This plugs int the diagnostics port which is usually hidden away under the steering wheel. It has power so doesn't need a battery.

Or this which has a battery that lasts about 90 days and can stick anywhere metal in/on/under the car
www.amazon.co.uk/TKSTAR-Waterproof-Tracking-Powerful-PS110/dp/B01KX9HFWI/ref=sr_1_5?s=gateway&keywords=car+tracker&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1558169008&sr=8-5

He may have hide his profile on Fab or such like site. I would try the number again from another phone and not withhold number. When my ex did this I actually messaged the suspected OW. Luckily she was decent despite being on Fab Swingers, and communicated with me. Sent me screenshots of all the convo and his Fab profile screenshot!! I was extremely lucky - she had stated she wouldn’t sleep with men who were attached and was furious he’d lied to her!
This all aside, I would go to see a solicitor and find out what your options and financial implications are. More importantly find out about custody etc of your child. I’m pretty certain he can’t just ‘take’ your child away if he leaves.

Regardless about whether she is a girlfriend or a sex worker, he’s got broken skin on his mouth and body and you need to ensure that you don’t have unprotected sex with him as he may have been exposed to infection.

I have been in torment about the inheritance thinking he only wanted the money.
Of course he did.

Tell him it's being donated to an animal , or you're putting it in trust for DS until he's 25 and see if he sticks around.

See a lawyer about protecting your inheritance.
Do not put it towards the mortgage

Regarding your depression...did he encourage you to get help before he left?

Was it bad depression? I ask because him taking your DS shows he wasn't wriggling out of looking after him.

I'm trying to be objective here and I wonder if he's really no longer committed to the marriage, but he couldn't resist the money.

OP your situation describes my ex marriage to a T. I am not too optimistic about your inheritence money if you received it before you separate from a long marriage.
Look into the detective route. It won’t have any impact on the settlement but on your son’s custody arrangements it will. I know it’s hard but do not give out any signals of being emotionally unstable he could use against you to take your little boy from you.
I don’t mean to be inappropriate but please be careful if you are intimate, you dont what illnesses he might have picked up...
Big hugs your way xx

I think that your immediate priorities over the next few days need to be an STI check and a solicitors appointment. Then, later, your son.

It scarcely matters whether he’s sleeping with a girlfriend or an escort. Protect your health and your money ASAP. Don’t do anything with the money without legal advice.

Why on earth are you staying with this horrible man? He took your child away and only came back when you inherited money? Now he's up to no good, that's pretty obvious. Come on, OP, you can do much better than this.

And don't forget to tell your solicitor that he was living separately when you inherited.

It scarcely matters whether he’s sleeping with a girlfriend or an escort.
This.

So the consensus is there is something fishy going on then?

Last night Pp were suggesting he could be texting plumbers/ colleagues etc.