Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

Suggest you get the find my phone app...or put it on his. So you can track his movements. You'll see if he repeatedly visits a particular address.

Henry I never use his phone and cannot access it - it has Face ID (his) and I don't know i think he would get mighty suspicious if I started asking to access his phone.

I have thought of taking the iPad (which after all is / was DS's although he no longer uses it). I could change the access code and tell DH I'd decided to start using it. But then he also might get suspicious and wonder why I was suddenly so interested in the iPad. The nightmare will be if he changes the passcode to the iPad too thereby "locking me out" of it.

I have taken photos of the message thread on my own phone as evidence.

www.blasermills.co.uk/divorcing-how-the-court-treats-what-youve-inherited/

I'd speak to a solicitor immediately, OP.

This is my first time posting on here but I am shaking for you and have to reach out...you already know. You already know the answer. There's a reason you have held back in paying off the mortgage and that is because doubt is screaming you in the face. Listen to your gut sweetheart. It will never let you down. Protect yourself. Make yourself and your future top priority.

Does he even use the ipad? Why would he notice if you hid it and kept checking it?

I'd be tempted to call the number and ask to speak to "John" or whover he called himself.

Henry, I don't know for sure if he uses the iPad but he might do because it was fully charged and on the side table in a spare room which DS uses as a dressing room.

The other person was not calling themselves "john" - the spurious name was being used by the other person to address DH. As if he had told them a false name.

*Which DH uses as a dressing room (not DS)

Henry, I am planning to call the number periodically and see who picks up. I called last night but it went to a generic voicemail.

Have you taken photos with your phone of the messages? Good idea to do this for evidence.

Yes have taken pics of the message thread.

Also, are you withholding your number when you phone their number. If it's an affair and not a prostitute you don't want the OW to start wondering why a particular number keeps calling and to mention it to him.

Yes I'm withholding my number.

Might even buy a cheap phone and call without withholding a number, or text from said new phone saying "hi when are you working next?"

Which was DH's opening gambit.

I know the other person wasn't calling themselves John....but if you ask the person he might be having an affair with if "John" is there, then their reaction will tell you if they've been seeing him.

Oh I see Henry, thanks.

Maybe play the watch and wait game (however hard this is). See whether he uses the iPad more, and discreetly snoop on it. Has he brought new clothes recently, looks more groomed than usual etc. Do you know when the next meet-up is? Maybe casually mention you have a day off then for a haircut, meet-up with friends etc, and see his reaction (you can always say later it was cancelled, dates muddled etc).

My sister caught out her husband when she found he had been contacting sex workers. She confronted him and he confessed all. She didn’t throw him out but just makes his life hell now.

They're both married. He's a lying arse who's after your money. See a lawyer tomorrow. A really, really good one. Stay cool tonight and pretend nothing's wrong. Do not let him think you're suspicious. AT ALL. I would also try and get someone to hack into the iPad to get more history.

Sorry for asking OP. Just wanted to make sure you were covering your tracks. Feel really sorry for you, you must be in bits.

Petal yes good ideas about unexpected days off / could suggest we do something together and see if he panics . Goes off to make calls (cancel OW).

Yes he has had new clothes lately - I paid for them

Thank you ooohbetty.

I would just keep an eye on the iPad discreetly for a while and watch him too, see if he does things out of the norm.

One other odd thing. Might be nothing but..... the last alleged meet up was Weds this week. I noticed when I got home from work on Weds that DH had a strange cold sore type graze on his bottom lip which he brushed off when I asked about.

Could thus be some kind of bizarre love bite??! (Never come across such phenomenon before.) and would suggest not sex worker if kissing involved?

Why not use some of your money and hire a private detective.....also get some legal advice about what you can do with your inheritance money so he can't touch it if you split up x

User yes good ideas, thanks. Will enquiries about detectives.

Hmmm love bite on the lip.. see if he has scratch marks down his back, or whips marks. But men usually have the option not to have marks left. Although he could be a bit green round the gills if he’s not used to these kind of meet ups.