Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

I think I'll have a go at changing my age. I Iook freakishly young for 53, always have looked younger! And I keep fit so I want someone who looks after themselves and doesn't look old enough to be my father... I did wonder about changing my age, but it's not to deceive anyone is it? My photos are recent. Unlike you, Mr Teacher, who freely admitted his were ten years old... 🙄

I haven't tried Tinder yet. Its reputation as a hook up site scares me a bit, but I know it's not really like that. No more than any other sites.

I'm in Sussex so not a really heavily populated area. My radius is set at 30-40 miles and I'm using Google maps like it's going out of fashion! I tend to discount anyone over an hour away.

@Ant330 thanks for your offer. Do I just pm you screen shots?

Ironically, I've just had a match come through!! 😂

Yes screenshots are fine, that will save me installing the app again. I'm at work so I'll reply properly later this evening.

Oh and Tinder is fine, that's where I met MissOz ;) I also got far more interest on there than other sites. Match I found rubbish, POF I was just bombarded with fake profiles, I preferred Bumble and Tindle.

@NestofSwipers I would try it - you’ll probably have to delete and then create a new profile as I don’t think it lets you amend your age on an existing profile.

I apparently don’t look my age and all my pics are recent. So in my mind putting a younger age wasn’t terribly deceitful, just widened my goalposts! And as I said I’ve brought it up when appropriate. Nobody has been bothered yet.

I use Bumble and Tinder. I didn’t like POF as anyone can message you. At least on those you have to match.

Yes, Match was useless. You can't tell who's subscribed and who isn't. My messages disappeared into the ether, and conversations fizzled out. Don't get me started on my POF experiences!

I'll see how this latest match on Bumble goes then delete and start again if it goes south.

I assume I can pm screenshots Ant330 so I'll give it a go later. Thanks!

@Sidge I think we need an accidental cougar bench. Sounds like mr Italian is similar to mr Unsuitable. I assumed he was just interested in sex but he's become a proper boyfriend. I don't want to go on the smitten bench as there's no way it will last. Probably.

shitwithsugaron 😂

Maybe I should attempt to join the accidental cougar bench then? I find the 45 to 55 year old guys I like aren't interested in me and have had a spate of 23 to 39 year olds favouriting me. There was the guy last week who messaged to say I look like a tiger. I was going to ignore him but maybe I should try a 30 year old?

Sidge Stealth Peanut I am ridiculously old but have been told I look around 10 to 15 years younger and the men my age or a bit older on OLD tend to look very old. And if they do look good for their age they tend to be after much younger women. I seem to be attracting men around 15 years younger than me at the moment so have decided to just meet some of them and see how we get on. I really want to meet someone closer to my age, but it just isn't happening at the moment. So I guess I better join you all on the cougar bench

I'm 39 and I've found since I moved my age limit to below 35 I got more men interested. Whilst I wasn't partial to a younger man. My recent experience of an older man tells me younger is probably better. It's not 23 years younger 😂😂

jesuis My thoughts were along the same track as yours filthy mind and I had to google Tesla coils too!

I hate all this judgement older men seem to have about age. Like lilyrose said some men in the late 40s/ 50s look really old (obviously none of the youthful guys on this thread!) but even they don't want me and I am probably fitter with more energy than I was 20 years ago. Maybe I should just go for a 30 year old and hope he isn't too frightened by the mumtum.

Those with younger guys, do they really find older women attractive? Do they think we're confident? Good in bed? I just assumed maybe these guys see my background and where I live and assume I have lots of money.

I do sometimes suspect that younger guys think that older women will be up for sex with less hassle and yes, we probably have more money than our younger counterparts and our kids have grown up so no childcare issues. But that is just me being cynical. Maybe they really do like older women. But I am looking for someone long-term and I'm not convinced that a younger man would be so interested in me when I retire and start to wear granny clothes .

@StealthNinjaMum that's my worry with younger men they don't understand how a woman's body is different from when we were in our 20's 30's etc.

@LilyRose88 I'm not so sure. My latest did shock me with his 23yr old and he's 45. He's history is with women the same age as her.

I have found younger men tend to want just a sexual fling. But who am I to say, I just pick psycho's

@StealthNinjaMum I often get people to guess my age and they usually come up with something 10 years younger, and I am fitter than I have been for 15 years.

I have dated 16 years younger, and get messaged by women over 20 years younger, (not on pof as they will not allow it) but I find that goals tend to not coincide so in the long term if doesn't work. You just need to find that vibrant person in your own age bracket if you want something in the long term.

Hi all,
I dated a man who was 53 at the beginning of the year for a couple of months.. met IRL. He ironically had by FAR more stamina than anyone I've ever slept with (I'm 47, have always dated younger men) - age in a man isn't always a bad thing
Plus... the older a man is the more accepting he is of wobbly bits. If that makes sense? I'm a stone over-weight but he loved the way I looked..

midcentury send him my way! Actually he is younger than me but I would love to meet a man of his age either IRL or on OLD. Sadly it is either 63+ or under 45 that I seem to attract on OLD. I agre that age isn't a bad thing and I am really trying hard to meet a man of around my age who I fancy.

You called me back! I'd just decided to leave my computer and do some ironing and I got two emails.

lifegoes in many ways my body is better than 20 years ago, it's definitely stronger and thinner and does awesome stuff, it's just a bit more crepey. vwman I suppose my long term goals would be an exclusive relationship with someone who I could eventually introduce to the kids and my friends and I don't see that happening with someone who's younger than 40. I suspect a younger man would say he wanted the same thing whether he did or not just to have sex.

Changing the subject I'm not one who bothers much with skincare but concerned about the 11 wrinkle in my forehead I bought some Nivea stuff from Tesco the other day for £11 and to my surprise it has reduced my wrinkle. I won't put this on the style and beauty forum because shops nationwide will sell out but I would never believe a beauty product actually works - never mind a cheap one. It puts the botox off for a bit longer.

I would never ever have gone for a 35 year old but he has the wrong age on tinder. He says he normally goes for his own age group. Sometimes I feel a bit old with him. Not physically but practically as In he could go and live anywhere although he'll be in London for the next 3 years now. Physically I'm in better shape than him. Obviously it won't be long term. But I don't want long term.

The guys over 50 on tinder are truly terrible. I've dated a few. ED. Huge paunches. But the worst is the boozing. Our generation is one of boozers and I don't. It's a real problem.

I think men in their 50s are amazing - skilful, unselfish, decisive, humorous, open-minded and with loads of stamina. Bit like women in their 50s really!

Me too @StealthNinjaMum my body is stronger, more toned, fitter and we're friends. It's let me down badly in the past. But sadly it's also rather crepey. And currently very bruised!

I do get you about the boozing though peanut 😕

Really @CassettesAreCool ?? I've found them to be sad, clingy, lonely old boozers who want me to create a life for them!

Peanut the guy I dated for 3-4- months who dumped me earlier this year was a couple of years younger than me (so late 50s) and he had ED issues but he did have a great body. He refused to discuss the ED issues and just said that it would work itself out. It never did but then he went on to dump me so I never got to find out if it was a temporary thing or not. And yes I have been on dates with guys in their 50s and 60s who have that whole 'boozer's red nose' thing going on which is a worry for their health as well as being rather unattractive.