Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

Matchedandmuddled I don't multi date but that's not to say there's anything wrong with doing it. I just feel like by multi dating you're always looking for something better 🤷.

I don’t multi date as I just can’t cope!

I would also prefer someone I’m dating wasn’t dating anyone else while with me so I think it’s only fair to behave as I would like others to!

Matchedandmuddled I think the mistake you made was discussing it with an iron, its a little indelicate.

The big problem I had with multi-dating was finding myself saying something like "did I tell you the story about..."

Only knowing I did tell somebody that story recently...

So the mini-break was so much fun, I am now a massive fan of hot tubs in the dark and rain! Lots of laughter and lovely sex with Mr Mad, we get on really well. Not an enema between us either 😊

BUT 48 hours in the man’s company was tough in some ways. He never stops talking, mostly about himself, and There are things about his past and about his approach to life that I I realise I can’t get round. And I also know now that I’m over the post-marriage, wild oats stage: I want a proper relationship, but most definitely not with him.

So do I tell him, and draw a line? This seems rude and heartless after such a nice weekend, and maybe there’s nothing wrong in having him as a friend for relaxed weekends away? Or do I let it wither on the vine?

I'm going to cry. Just wrote a (long) post and lost it. Even mumsnet hates me... 😭

Right, try again...

@supercali77 thank you for your offer, I'm not sure who fancies a peek? I ditched the paid sites recently and am only on Bumble so I don't think it hides profiles? It's me, isn't it?!

I've been OLD for a year, and had dates with 7 men. Not quite the numerous casual fun coffee/wine dates leading to a relationship type of scenario I had in mind. I feel like I'm back in the school disco watching everyone else snogging.

I was widowed 6 years ago (unhappy marriage which I now realise was abusive) and I finished a relationship with a narcissist 16 months ago. We met in real life, shock horror!! I know what I will and won't put up with, thanks to counselling. But not much use if you can't get a date. 😢

I even had one man just send me messages venting his frustration at Brexit. FFS...

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I think the skin thing is that it's some of the toxins in your skin finally working their way out (clearly not a scientific response). So it gets worse before it gets better - depressingly.

The kittens bench is the 'it's all gone to shit' bench, but called a kittens bench because it sounds less dismal.

NestOfSwipers have you tried Tinder too? I use both Tinder and Bumble. Are you swiping right often?

My this moves fast!
Place-marking for now, will catch up later.

Thanks @BatshitCrazyWoman I'd never heard of that before but it's def the only way to deal with them both.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I think I remember having a bunch of illness/shit skin after stopping smoking. Am a vaper now. The kitten bench is for those somewhere between 'got bitten when smitten' but not quite ready to pick a dick yet haha

@CassettesAreCool Ooo, tough one. Tbh if someone talks relentlessly about themselves I get bored quite quickly. How into you do you think he is? If he's really into you I might draw a line because it'll only get harder? But if he seems pretty relaxed and casual....maybe just see how you feel moment to moment?

@NestOfSwipers one of the fellas probably has bumble? Maybe they can take a peek (i've never used it)....or if you can send screenshots via pm I'm happy to take a look but being a lady i'm not the target audience. Are you in a relatively remote area? Are you keeping your radius wide enough?

@ponyprincess ooooo! Who was the date with?

@NestOfSwipers Sadly also I think a lot of folk will have a 10 year cut off. Like 40/50 etc, so if you're 53 there'll be a lot of folk who won't see you because of those 3 years....if bumble works like tinder anyway. I noticed a switch when i went from 40 to 41.

Thanks supercali. I think we’re equally (not) into each other but we enjoy being together and can relax in each other’s company. Communication styles suit and sex is good. It’s Meatloaf time: I want you, I like you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you.

( I know it’s need not like, before anyone jumps in 😊)

So MrSAS is coming over tomorrow evening (very excited) and I've said I'll cook. Now panicking. I can cook but WHAT do I cook? I was thinking of getting some nice steak from the butchers, with some parmentier style potatoes, roasted vine tomatoes and green beans. Does that sound ok? To be honest, I think whatever I cook will be eaten very quickly so that we can get to desert

sunshine that sounds yummy!

sunshine sounds bonza! I made the mistake before of cooking with a lot of chilli on a date at mine. Don't recommend...'Sex on fire' etc haha

Anyone used that hinge dating app?

I see it all the time on Instagram but I'm not sure it has many people on it.

Nestofswipers I'm happy to take a look at your profile later if you like. I was on Bumble before I met MissOz so I can fire the app back up.
MissOz is back from her hols on Weds, looking forward to seeing her again. We already have our bank holiday weekend planned, as well as loose plans for a long weekend getaway. Starting to feel like a proper relationship, slightly scary tbh.

@supercali Ouch!

No chilli will be involved, just a bit of garlic in with the potatoes but if we're both eating it I think that's ok?

I'm reading just can't keep up!

@lifegoes  you certainly picked a dick that time. Sounds like madness...

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I remember giving up smoking and thinking, hang on I'm supposed to feel better, not worse!

Re age thing. I put my age as 49 although I'm 50 and then mention it in first few messages, no one has minded. It means I stay within people's parameters. I don't look my age. Or behave like it.

I don’t know what bench I’m on - my Italian toyboy seems very keen to see me again soon! I thought he was just after sex (as it was rather good) but apparently not. So I’m must going to enjoy it for whatever it is and might be!

I think we’re going to need a few benches in our Thread Park. As well as an ice cream van, chip stall, wine coolers, tissues and condoms.

nestofswipers I had a man also give me a long lecture on Brexit about a month ago. I agreed with him but he was so passionate about it it felt like he was shouting at me through the words on my iPad. So I stopped messaging him. I get that some people want someone they share political views with but this was very over the top. Personally I quite like having someone with different views as it makes for more interesting conversation.

@peanuthedz me too re age. This time when I created my new profiles I shaved 5 years off, now I’m getting guys in their 30s and 40s on my stacks whereas before I was getting guys in their 50s and 60s. I think many have a low cut off.

I’ve told them my real age when it comes up, I’m not out to deceive anyone significantly. Mr Italian says he doesn’t care how old I am, it’s the person that’s important not the number. I like that attitude! Sounds hypocritical but even though I was happy to date up to mid 50s or so I didn’t want to be in the stack for all the old men.