Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

@JeSuisPrest so romantic

I know, I'm getting soft in my old age...

JeSuisPrest Ah, who says romance is dead 😁

I'm meeting more of MrMetals friends tonight, dinner followed by drinks at his local and then the first sleepover at his house (previous sleepover was at a hotel). He's away next weekend on a stag do, considering we met through Fab I'm actually very relaxed about it.

As long as as that's the only thing getting soft eh JeSuis...

Totally agree with lifegoes on the connection thing. I'm only a few weeks in with Mr Far but its already the most honest /most bullshit free experience I've had. Neither of us is pretending to be perfect. Definite attraction both ways. It's good.

Well, first of all thank you Ant330 who looked at my Bumble profile. If anyone's in doubt, he has been a perfect gentleman throughout!

I got five matches, but hadn't got round to the tweaks suggested. As usual, they went like this:

(1) Mr Gorgeous who pretty much started sexting. I stopped messaging, he unmatched me this morning.
(2) One unmatched before I sent the first message
(3) One lapsed after 24 hours after I sent the first message
(4) One looking like it will go the same way as number (3)
(5) One who responded to my first message yesterday then not to my second.

I've had three "nearly" dates this year, even got to speaking on the phone with two of them. But followed by excuses, or ghosting. I knew you needed a thick skin, but really...?! And I'm not that new to this. It's been a year since I first signed up. Another Bank Holiday weekend with no adult company until Monday night's rehearsal because everyone I know is married etc, and the one single friend I've been trying to get out for a drink just doesn't respond, despite her being supposedly keen. I'm giving up on her. I've tried. Cinema and meal with my adult but still at home children later, but it's not what I want to do...

I feel your pain Nest. I tell myself if I went to the more meetups and made more friends it would be better but I want a FWB.

So I have a coffee date on Monday with Miss Bubbles, so called as she has a photograph of herself in the bath on her profile with lots of bubbles strategically placed.

I changed my profile to one that reads like a stand up comedy monologue last night and it seems to have hooked her as she said she cried laughing reading it.

@HairyArsedMan well I’ve returned from the gym to find another two messages so I guess I will be multi-chatting myself. Of the six guys now 2 are in my area (but as mentioned one is very young).

I think I’m a bit hung up on the looks thing because all my early boyfriends were super attractive, sporty guys (I was punching well above my weight) yet the guy I fell for and lusted after was shorter, skinny, pale, spotty and after 19 years I still had those deep feelings. So I know you can get past the friendzone into a lustzone but it just takes longer. I gave up with one iron after two dates because I didn’t fancy him (and he tried to snog me) and he sent quite a bitter message after I dumped him which I now think I didn’t deserve.

I am conscious of my looks and wondering if I have lost too much weight as my face shape has changed a lot in the last year - but on the other hand physically I feel great and don’t want to put on weight. Jane Austen would say I have lost my youthful bloom!

Changing the subject in the gym earlier a young couple were having a date. I thought it was really lovely, they were supporting each other and then he said ‘right I’ve got to go and have a shit now, I’ll be back in a bit’. If I was dating someone I think that would be like superglue to my thighs!

Number (5) has sent a message. He has a manual, but well paid job, but it invariably involves weekend work and shifts. It's the next step up from my ex's job, but my late husband was a white collar professional. I know I sound snobby but he's not what I want or need...

Just found out his job, I should have said.

@StealthNinjaMum I think you should do what you enjoy and what makes you feel good and not worry about pleasing some randoms with your looks. A decent bloke will be looking past all that to some degree anyway.

That certainly sounds like loves young dream in the gym ! I think you can only really have the freedom to say things like that when looking into the eyes of your soulmate

No dates for me this weekend although I have to admit to putting next to no effort in chatting to my matches. I don't know it is, my heart is just not in it right now!
I am currently at a garden centre cafe, having lunch whilst 1) my kid finishes her dance class and 2) the hail stops
Youngest here by about 20 years haha! I can't see any of the single elderly ladies looking unhappy :-)

Nestof - Is it the the manual work or the hours that puts you off?

Back on the love at first sight - MrMM was tall but that's all he had going for him. He also had ED issues. God knows why I fell for him but I did.
My 3 ExH's were not traditionally attractive in any way, lol. I didn't fall massively in love with them and in hindsight, shouldn't have married them gotta love hindsight!. I wont bore you with the reasons why I did tho. If I'd been on this thread I most certainly wouldn't have.

This thread is brilliant cos even if no one comments, it's great to write it down and I'm learning so much about myself and others.

@TooOldForThis67 do agree with you about this thread. It's really saved me at low points. But also gave me thoughts and ways that I can improve how I come across and what to expect from dating - just by reading other posters or replies to others.

Me too tooold just to have a place to write down is so useful and I feel I am stronger and thicker skinned because of you lovely lot.

I am still super thrilled about my snogging man whilst away. I won’t hear from him again I expect as I was seriously punching and he is from the US. My colleague sent pics of the evening and he really was gorgeous. I have one pic where he is sat looking into my eyes 😍. Even though he is seriously not an iron I am calling him Mr Prince!

It’s done me some good I think. A real confidence boost. I had been talking to some guys before but none of them are doing it for me so I am going to start again in July when my holidays are all over

@lifegoes and @TooOldForThis67
I agree. Selfishly, it's made me realise that I'm not on my own feeling the angst, despair & confusion bloody OLD causes.
Most of you (ruling out that yacht guy!) are amazing empathic strong and intelligent people and I have learnt so lot from you all 💐

I love a manual worker. Love the cheeky banter!
Mr developer( the one 12yrs younger) has a masters,drives a very sexy car and owns a hugh house,but although he is txting away,there is no flirty one liners. Infact,no sex appeal at all.
He is txting with a kiss at the end of each message but forgot the kiss yesterday...and five minutes later I received another txt with just a kiss. I should be excited but just though 'meh'.
Back on pof for me

I think I do find jobs quite sexy. Status rather than ££ if I'm honest. I love hearing mine talk about work stuff he's got a fancy job

Back from a sleepover with Mr S 😍

Lovely declarations of feelings shitwith and jesuis

I definitely don’t believe in love at first sight. Lust , definitely, but not love.

I couldn’t get to date 5 and not have had a snog. I prefer to kiss on the first date if I fancy someone to see if there is chemistry. Mr S and I kissed on the first date in a car park next to my car. Mr Local and I snogged in the doorway of the pub waiting for my taxi and Mr London and I snogged in the pub (drunk!)

Mr London invited me to his party in Europe for our 3rd date (bit outing) and we had only kissed. I wasn’t sure what the sleeping arrangements would be but when I got there we were sharing a room. Dtd before the party started and it was all good!!

mrdrummer thanks for sharing your experiences. They sound dreadful. There is a difference from experiencing domestic violence (which we probably too readily assume is man in woman) and everyday sexism such as jesuis described. I feel unsafe walking towards a group of teen boys or men, standing at the bar with men, getting into a lift with men... I’ve been groped, taunted, jeered at etc enough times to feel wary and on high alert. So ‘challenge accepted’ by a man sounds rapey. Less so by a woman. And especially one we all know and love from this thread.

I’m sorry that you and ant have found the thread hostile. I have PMd both of you and found you both helpful and genuinely decent men 👍 I find both your posts on the thread informative.

ant are you worried you don’t have this connection with Miss Oz?

Marlbs - sounds like he has reset your bar, great way to stop and then you can restart in July refreshed.
kerkyra - I agree. I had MrPara who was just like that, a bit sterile! Give me cheeky banter any day.

@WarIsPeace me too! Although I won't go out with anyone from HR again though. Special breed if their job is to come in to an organisation and sack people!
Nor management consultants. I'm sure there are loads of exceptions but blimey the ones I've met are entitled "I am" types

Oh and marlboro this sounds like the start of a Rom com. Go you!! Did you swap numbers??

What have I started?!! 🤣 Yes, it's the shift work in this particular case. My ex (post marriage) had a similar job but no money. But we had similar interests. I come from a working class background, I suppose I've always tried to escape it?

Kisses after each message when you don't know the woman, no not for me, that is for later x

whoops

@Marlboroandmalbec34 That impromptu date with Mr Prince sounds right up my street - the kind of encounter I'd be filing in my "one to tell the grandchildren when I'm old and grey" type memories. Lucky you. Of course I'd be doing some major internet research stalking as well just so I can fully embellish the story of the night that Nanny drank champagne and was seduced by a handsome American in a foreign city, who thanked me for a wonderful night before being whisked off to the airport never to be seen again. And then I married dull old Grandad 😂