Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

I think it’s really that I think it’s stupid and unappealing, @midcenturylegs. It’s a set of unhelpful thought processes that I am keen to stop. So I think I’m trying to hide it from myself more than MrSG (who would, I have no doubt, be lovely and supportive).

I’ve never been great at sharing problems or issues with anyone really (a legacy of my parents’ acrimonious divorce where my sister and I were used as pawns for years). Everyone I’ve ever had a relationship with has commented on it. Even my horrible ex, described me as ‘a very private person’, even before I determined to never tell him anything because what little I disclosed would be used against me.

MrSG told me that he ‘needs to worry about me a bit more’ because he’s recognised that I probably won’t let on that I have a problem (unless I have to). Admittedly this was after I nearly cut my fingertip off at his house, continued cooking breakfast (with it wrapped in kitchen towel) and seriously downplayed the whole thing when I needed to ask him for a plaster. Thing is, it wasn’t that I thought he’d react badly. It’s more that: 1. I didn’t want to admit to myself how bad it was so I just carried on as if it were nothing and 2. I’m so used to getting on with things and hiding illness and injuries (because my ex would be a nightmare) that I just did it on autopilot really.

Reading that back, it sounds even more ridiculous than I already thought it was. I’m an idiot. 😂

@midcenturylegs here he is in my kitchen... Currently a non starter but seemingly more reliable than my love life :)

@lifegoes and @lompopo and everyone else, thanks so much for the support. It really helps xx

@falaff I love your motorbike. To the extent that I would go on a date with it

@shitwithsugaron awesome! Happy for you! Now go and have a great holiday knowing that he will be there when you get home.

I am at the 6 week point with MrSAS and as this is as far as I’ve got in a ‘relationship’ since my marriage break up, I’m starting to over think things and expect him to tell me he’s not feeling it.

@shitwithsugaron and @JeSuisPrest
I spent 2 summer hols in my Uni years (25 yrs ago!!!) working in mines in the Aussie outback, paid shovelling sh1t work, in line with my degree. Apart from the cook I was the only female camping amongst 250 men. I learnt to be strong, crafty and feisty.
Since being in the UK, I've lost that "edge". My LTR drained a lot of that out of me.. trying so hard to re-build that *mid-ness".
I applaud your approach to life JeSuisPrest

@falaff it sounds like it was an intense beginning. You've believed what he said and I guess his actions followed that. In sorry.

Those who DTD quite early on, do you not worry he’s a nutter and you’re inviting him in to your home? Or theirs?
It’s date number 5 next and we haven’t DTD, I’ve booked a hotel for a couple of weeks time when DC are away but I’ve booked 2 rooms, not sure how he feels about that but I didn’t want the pressure of DTD or even having to sleep next to someone. I hope he doesn’t lose interest.
We haven’t even had a proper kiss or snuggle. I suggested a cinema date but he couldn’t make that date and it never got rearranged. We always go out for food and sit opposite each other. I don’t think he’s overly touchy feely either.

Hey everyone. Just checking in.

Sorry Falaff

shitwith squeeeeeel so happy for you.

Well I met a beautiful gorgeous man in the hotel bar last night . Ended up in suite drinking bolly and snogging for hours and having a fool around 😁 he is from US and we were both flying out today. He was so attractive it and I think he was a big deal (seemed to have security) so no chance of seeing him again but a great confidence boost for me 🙌

AtSea1979 do whatever you feel comfortable with, sometimes trust is misplaced if you rush into things.

All I can tell you is that I have waited (if that is the right word) between 2 hours and 2 months. The only reason why it was 2 hours was because we looked into each others eyes and saw each others souls.

Jesus @vwman 😂😂😂😂😂😂 that's the worst line ever hahaha

Gooooo @Marlboroandmalbec34 sometimes all you need is that!!! To give you a boost 😉

@Atsea if I’m honest, and this is just me of course, I would find it a bit weird having a separate hotel room to the person I had been seeing for a while. I think maybe I just wouldn’t do an overnighter if I wasn’t ready to share a bed with someone.

But how long other people wait is irrelevant really as it’s when YOU feel ready and as long as he is on the same page them there’s no problem.

@lifegoes you have never experienced love at first sight?

@vwman I don’t think love at first sight is possible. You can’t love someone you don’t know. It’s lust, nothing more.

@AtSea1979 no, if I felt even remotely uncomfortable I wouldn't go to theirs or invite them to mine.
Personally, I like to dtd early because I'm sex mad as I want to know if we are compatible but there is no right or wrong answer, you should do it when you are both comfortable and want to do it, not because anyone says otherwise. If he's decent he will wait.

Ha no such thing as love at first sight. LUST, sexual want. But not love @vwman I reckon you are a right player with lines like this

@Sunshineandflipflops @lifegoes no because even though we are no longer lovers we are best friends and soul mates 20 years later

@AtSea1979 agree with @30somethingandsingle I met my last date for a weekend away. I knew there was sexual chemistry. But we agreed that if there wasn't IRL then we could just share a bed. Mainly as we got on so well.

We DTD and I felt very comfortable with him. Yes he turned out to be a grooming knob. But hey the sex was decent.

I would never invite them to my house at first tho.

@vwman you can't be that much of a soul mate. You aren't together

vwman I did laugh at the looked into each others eyes and saw each others souls. Haha.

I think you run the risk of anyone being a nutter. Regardless of where you are. I do prefer to DTD first at their house so I can leave when I want 🙈😂. Maybe just message him and say I've booked 2 rooms for said night, as I didn't want to be presumptuous.... Unless you don't want to DTD yet? If not, I wouldn't be booking a room for him.

@lifegoes love is allowing someone to be who they want to be, she wanted to live in another part of the world, I didn't, if you love someone let them go. Your soul mates are not necessrily your lovers, your BFF can be your soul mate

But if someone was your “soulmate” (I hate that term as I think it’s a load of bollocks) then surely you would be anywhere in the world that they were...or some shit like that.