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Original poster

Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

999 replies

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 20:23

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

OP posts:
lifegoes · 03/05/2019 23:56

Oh I see, I didn't insinuate he wasn't interested in you or that he wasn't happy with the pace of things. I was simply stating that I couldn't go past a second date without a snog. That's me personally, I need to know if there is any sexual chemistry @AtSea1979

Just received a text from Mr Filth that blatantly wasn't for me. Made me laugh slightly, but I just responded with off to bed night.

TooOldForThis67 · 04/05/2019 00:03

I've had that 'look into each others eyes' ( VW ) moment MrMarriedMan. We met 25yrs ago. I was married then and it didn't go anywhere. We lost touch but he contacted me on FB a couple of yrs ago. When we met again, it was still there! It totally blew my mind. Yep, we had an affair although I separated from STBX before I slept with MM. After a yr it was clear he had no intention of leaving his wife. I ended it as I do most things but it broke my heart. Couldn't go 'no contact' as we had shared too much. I've only recently told him we can't be friends any more as not fair on MrWow and for others reasons that I wont go into now but it will always be there. Sorry for the long story BUT the point is, I do believe love at first sight can happen, even better when it's reciprocated.

I think our eye's are the window to our heart and soul. I am almost profoundly deaf speak normal and I always look intently at people when talking, because I have to but I think it's why I attract a lot of men! I've been told I have really pretty eyes, maybe I hypnotise them, lol.

Ant330 · 04/05/2019 00:30

The whole soul mates instant lust thing is playing on my mind a bit. The 1st time I saw my ex she was stood in front of me in a queue and when she turned around and walked away I did have a flash of OMG she's gorgeous that's my perfect woman. We subsequently met and the rest is history.
And she is still a very attractive woman irrespective of the fact I just don't fancy her or love her anymore.

Am i being unrealistic to expect the same could happen again?
Just for a change when I've had a few drinks I'm going to hold off on typing what I really want to ask as I know it's superficial but I may ask in the morning.

TooOldForThis67 · 04/05/2019 00:47

Oh go on @Ant330! Lol. I've made a tit of myself so please joint me.

lifegoes · 04/05/2019 01:19

I don't believe in love at first sight, and I don't believe you only get one soul mate.

but I believe in a connection. Sometimes you can just connect with someone even in a short space of time. You get them and they get you.

I'm still really good friends with one of my ex's he wasn't my soul mate. He has a connection to me and we are always drawn back to each other (not in a sexual way well for him maybe ) even after years. But I don't feel a love/want him connection. I feel a safe with him.

Another ex broke my heart and broke me. But yet even though I know he's no good for me and a really awful person. We had such a connection from the moment we first spoke and with that I would have done anything for him and I did! I do still worry that maybe he was the one (that's the reason why I can't believe in one soul mate. If I do, it will kill me off)?

lifegoes · 04/05/2019 01:20

Does that even make sense 🙄

TooOldForThis67 · 04/05/2019 01:43

Yes it makes sense @lifegoes. I think we can have more than one soul mate just as we can love more than one person at a time. As in your last para, I felt the same at the time. MrMM nearly destroyed me. I went on a dating/sex spree. Meeting MrWow last year restored my faith at the right time but it didn't work out then but gave me faith. I realised what we had was really special and looked for it elsewhere, if that makes sense. I'm so lucky he came back to me. I always knew he was holding back on me and to have that validated has restored my faith in myself.

TooOldForThis67 · 04/05/2019 01:46

I really should go to sleep!

vwman · 04/05/2019 06:11

TooOldForThis67 I am like you, always have very strong eye contact with anyone I meet. I can read someone that way.

I actually had a moment with a woman 5 days ago at a business networking event, we saw each other went to talk to each other and looked in each others eyes. Within less than a minute we were standing so close we were touching, staring deeply into each others eyes whilst talking. Problem is she is married, left me thinking why couldn't we have met on a date.

DaffoDeffo · 04/05/2019 06:16

I think you get lust at first sight. And you definitely get instant connections. You can't possibly love someone till you know them though surely. Earlier on in the thread, and I can't remember who it was, someone was talking about how many times that has happened for you. It's happened a few times in my life and I'm grateful it has as it's the most amazing feeling when it does. But it doesn't happen often! So ant I think it could happen again. But also don't rule out the slow burn type of love where someone grows on you with time. If I look back over all my relationships, actually some of the more meaningful ones, I didn't necessarily feel like I was going to love them right at the start.

But personally I wouldn't want a relationship with someone I didn't want to rip their clothes off them as the physical stuff is important to me. But that doesn't mean they will turn into someone I love.

I think this is where women have to be careful because there are men who can induce that feeling in women - generally manipulative men - who have learned what to say or do to get you to feel they might be the one. And I only talk about this from a women perspective because that's the experience I have :).

Only bloke I got to more than 2 dates without a snog had a secret he was hiding and needed to tell me! Not saying anything is wrong at all atsea but I would definitely be moving it along!

30somethingandsingle · 04/05/2019 06:56

I think this conversation sums up my doubts and how I'm feeling quite well.
I have this romantic fantasy that a man would ride in and sweep me off my feet and I would feel this almost painful, all encompassing love and passion right from the start...!
I realise the reality is if that did happen it probably wouldn't last, but I can't help wanting to feel it in some way.

I have one ex in particular that I was immediately drawn to. When we first made eye contact it was like looking into each other's souls but this was mostly lust. We dated for a while but he eventually ended it (he couldn't get over being 15 years older) we still talk now and it's 11 years since we dated.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/05/2019 07:03

Yes from my experience AtSea I would move it along!

I don't believe in love at first sight. But I do think you can click with someone very quickly.

anonthistime · 04/05/2019 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthNinjaMum · 04/05/2019 08:27

I don't believe in love at first sight although I have had very strong chemistry with a few men when I first met them. I do prefer the slow burner. When I met stbxh he was one of a group of friends and after a couple of years overnight I found him really attractive and it was every bit as passionate as the guys that I had an immediate attraction for. My big problem with old is that I can't judge from a photo whether that attraction is going to develop, I need time and if that guy is multidating I think he'll go for the instant attraction.

Anyway I just checked onto Match for the first time in a couple of days and MrYoungEnoughToBeMySon has offered to come over with a bottle of wine and messages from 5 men. I guess they don't want to be alone for the bank holiday.

Does anyone have any plans for the weekend? Stbxh hasn't indicated if / when he wants the children which is unbelievably frustrating.

PrettyPretty · 04/05/2019 08:34

No plans for me, I’m on my lonesome but I have to remind myself I was more lonely when I was married

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/05/2019 08:35

Yes, the bank holiday seems to being out the single in people. My brother, who recently came out as gay rang me last night to ask my advice about Tinder as he couldn’t bare the thought of a bank holiday and no-one to spend it with.

I had last night and today to myself to feet a few things done and see a friend and then off to see MrSAS tomorrow until Monday Blush

SimonJT · 04/05/2019 08:42

I don’t believe in love at first sight either, lust at first sight definitely, many a night out has proved that one.

There’s also a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I knew ex 1(now FWB) for a long time before we got together, there was most definitely lust and love as in the love you have for a close friend, rather than being in love.

I wasn’t sure the other type of love really existed, then one morning I woke up at his and he was playing his piano which was at the bottom of the bed, he needed a haircut so he looked a right mess with bed head and hadn’t showered after a gig he had done the night before and absolutely honked, but it was that moment that made me realise the other type most definitely does exist.

Love (for a friend) and lust is still there, but we aren’t in love anymore.

HairyArsedMan · 04/05/2019 08:43

@StealthNinjaMum I am multichatting but not multi-dating. A big thing I've had at the back of my mind through this is not to get sucked in by lust or appearances. I am taking a few moments each day to consider who really makes me feel happy and relaxed. I know I can't really switch off the physical bits but I think just having that time out for that consideration will help me do the right thing with the right woman. So to cover off your insecurity that blokes will go for the instant attractions - it ain't necessarily so, especially if that's caused you problems in the past.

anonthistime · 04/05/2019 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SimonJT · 04/05/2019 08:43

I don’t have any bank holiday plans, I’m sticking with my usual weekend plans, I’m hoping to work from home most of Monday as I have a conference Wed/Thurs, so I’m going to be a bit shitty and employ the TV babysitter.

AtSea1979 · 04/05/2019 09:33

I have a date over the bank holiday, i’m hoping to move it along Smile

Neverexpected2 · 04/05/2019 09:39

No dating plans for me either. Saw MrCamper again last night - been seeing each other a month now 😏 He has his kids this weekend though so going out with a friend tonight.

An iron resurfaced last night that had previously ghosted me a few months ago just before we met (common occurrence for me). Gave me some bull about life having got in way like that excuses the ability to say "hey, got some stuff going on that I need to deal with so wont be in touch for a while" 🤷‍♀️ wanted to pick back up where left off. Told him I was off apps as seeing someone. He wished me well and then after midnight messaged again to say if things didn't work out or I "was curious" then I had his number 🤦‍♀️ I certainly do have his number 😉🤦‍♀️

Emojina · 04/05/2019 09:46

Morning,
I’m going for a first coffee date with mr Persia today then either first date with mr maths or 4th (probably chaste) date with mr Peck tomorrow although I’ve slowed down the frequency of WhatsApping with him as I think we are in the friend zone...

I’ll feedback if I experience love at first sight! Grin

JeSuisPrest · 04/05/2019 09:49

Date 6 with Mr Cornish tonight. We've not had a specific chat about it, but I think it's safe to say we're exclusive. I told him last night that he was more than a cock to me - if that isn't a declaration of deeper feelings, I don't know what is? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Mel6l72 · 04/05/2019 09:54

How romantic JeSuis Grin