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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

999 replies

midcenturylegs · 22/04/2019 21:36

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

OP posts:
Ant330 · 23/04/2019 19:42

Talk about a turnaround, we've had miserable as sin bank holiday (including egg-gate) followed by wedding bells Tuesday. I'm just made up I might be a bridesmaid Flowers
wishy and crust congrats it's great to read some fantastic news in here, pleased for you both!
batsTooOldsupercali it sounds like everything is going swimmingly for you all too.
Someone needs to screenshot page 8 and put it on all the thread opening posts to show what can happen!

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 19:43

How do you ever know if it's your gut or just years of being previously let down by men, that makes you paranoid

Ant330 · 23/04/2019 19:48

What are you worried about life is it the expectation of being let down again or something specific?

LooUpdate · 23/04/2019 19:50

Fuck penpals. What's that all about?? An ego stroke? How do people get off leading someone on?

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 19:50

@Ant330 I don't want to be let down again, I don't want to be taken for a fool like the last one did.

Notcoolmum · 23/04/2019 19:50

I don’t know lifegoes and I struggle to trust my instincts for this reason. If my iron goes back to his wife then I shall def start trusting them!!

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 19:55

@lifegoes Consider counselling if you haven't already.

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 19:57

I have counselling @MrDrummer thank you

Guess I was just reaching out for advice

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 20:02

Unfortunately, (from my reading) your gut extinct are composed of extrapolated knowledge from single experiences. Your gut reaction is to keep you safe, not happy. So i would say, watch for the red flags, but hold faith that someone is a twat only when they prove themselves to be on. There are a few good men out there. Even the good ones can and do fuck up occasionally.

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 20:12

Thanks

I think I'm going to take a break from here for a bit, climb under my rock.

My head is all over and I think maybe dating just isn't for me. I need some time to figure out what I want.

Thank you all for your kind words and I hope all your irons and dates turn out marvellous

Eesha · 23/04/2019 20:20

@lifegoes what happened, are you stressed over this last iron? Did he continue texting you today or have things cooled a bit?

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 20:27

@Eesha things cooled off. Didn't hear from him again. Wish I hadn't text first, wish I hadn't been such a fool to believe his bullshit.

Eesha · 23/04/2019 20:31

@lifegoes I'm really sorry, these things never fail to surprise me how people can be so conniving and cruel to others. Hope you can just sleep on it, rise above it, tomorrow is another day and not everyone is as shitty as this bloke seemed to be.

Notcoolmum · 23/04/2019 20:33

Oh lifegoes. I’m so sorry. You seem like such a lovely person but having shitty luck with men. We need a thread night out! 💐

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 20:35

@lifegoes I know it is really tempting to curl up into a ball, but please stick with us if you can.

What do you mean, things cooled off? No-one can keep conversations going all the time.

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 20:38

@MrDrummer I just feel so pathetic for believing him. I wish I hadn't text him first as then I'd know he was still interested. But the not even texting to see if I got home ok yesterday or last night. Exchanged 4 messages. Left me on read. Nothing since.

I just need something that gives me some indication that I haven't been taken for a fool.

I just want to cry at how stupid I've been

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 20:43

So sorry to hear this @lifegoes. I don't think there is anything helpful to say at this point, other than we understand your pain. :(

AtSea1979 · 23/04/2019 20:45

So pleased to read all these happy updates. Gives me hope. I have been on date number two, MrF is lovely but there were a couple of things that I wonder about, one is he doesn’t seem particularly well educated, but neither am I so maybe I just ignore that. The second is more worrying, he acts like he’s just climbed out from a rock. He makes random comments like we got talking about our DDs and hormones and he said his daughter started her period when she was at his for half term last year and he didn’t know what to do so he took her to a chemist and asked what did he need to get.
What sort of adult doesn’t know that? To me it’s a massive turn off.

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 20:49

I think it's clear he's not interested @MrDrummer
So it's time for me to climb under my rock for a bit

Notcoolmum · 23/04/2019 20:50

You didn’t do anything wrong lifegoes it sounds like he was a player and we all fall for their charms at some point. I’m sorry you got hurt xxx

MrDrummer · 23/04/2019 20:53

@lifegoes Understood. Flowers

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2019 20:59

lifegoes I've been seeing someone for more than 6 months who said they wanted to move in, said they loved me, said they wanted to marry me, said I was their ideal woman, they couldn't believe their luck (not all the time but he said these things a few times) etc etc I spent the whole time saying please don't make a fool of me because I so want to believe what you're saying...there were signs and I didn't ignore them so I always kept a little back. But ultimately I've been proved right.

Can I tell you? It doesn't help being right. None of us want to made a fool of. But chances are it's going to happen. It's tough out there. I would like to believe that at the time he meant what he said but as time went on we realised that we weren't as well suited.

Ironically I had a similar situation with someone last year who I had known for ages. I told them I loved them, told them I wanted to move in but after a few months it was clear we weren't as well matched as we thought and we broke up.

It happens. It's not your fault. You're not a fool. You deserve better and you deserve someone that works for you :).

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 21:07

@DaffoDeffo I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. 😘
Thank you for sharing, you are right. These things do happen I just wish he'd say rather than act like first grade cock.

DaffoDeffo · 23/04/2019 21:10

It takes courage to say it lifegoes. Think less of him for not being able to say it. And also remember if it ever happens the other way round and you think you like someone but it cools that it's so much better to be honest and say something. So few people do.

lifegoes · 23/04/2019 21:12

I would/have always be honest and say, especially if they reached out like I did today and I certainly wouldn't reply with "hey beautiful" @DaffoDeffo

I know firsthand how much it hurts and everyone deserves that respect