Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@MrDrummer DTD on the first date didn't bother me at all as we had spoken about other things and the rejection from that wasn't an issue for me. It was more the vibes he gave after, were really positive so it was a shock to not hear from. It seemed out of character and that's what threw me. I just hope he's not too nice. As In, too nice he doesn't want to tell me he isn't interested.

But he had ample opportunity to just leave and go after DTD and he didn't, he asked to spend more time with me after.

@DaffoDeffo This does sound confusing from both sides and a lot of mixed signals from both sides. I don't personally think you have done wrong by openly saying how you feel and asking him. He's told you he missed you, so it is not worth asking to meet up for a drink so you can clear the air face to face and decide if you BOTH want to give it a go?

@lifegoes great, let's see how this pans out :)

I totally get that feeling lilyrose of people not measuring up. My problem is that on paper we are practically ideal relationship material for each other. If you had lined up the tick boxes, we ticked all of ours for each other and the passion sex was obscenely good

but something just didn't work from his side I think

and no, it's not mean ;) it's normal!

I had so much fun though - so so much fun. And in terms of what I do with any new boyf, it has completely raised the bar which can only be a good thing. There is a part of me that thinks this would have worked at a different time in our lives and maybe we'll find each other again another time.

life I gave him the option to meet up, he doesn't want to sadly xx

Daffo it sounds like there was a lot of miscommunication and misinterpretation there - maybe he was looking for a reason to end it 😕

Sorry daffo

Thank you so much shitwith Bookworm sounds lovely 😘

Bloody hell I only started this old in Feb as a bit of fun and it’s basically shit!

batshit I think he was tbh x

jeSuis I am bringing a bottle to the bench

JeSuis and Marlboro can I join you on the 'I always end up with unsuitable men' bench? I can bring a bottle of Pinot Grigio and some kettle crisps.

Oh I’m sorry daffodeffo and I can’t believe he doesn’t want to meet up. Seems an odd way to end things after 6 months. Perhaps once you’ve had some time apart he will realise what he’s throwing away. It’s good that he has raised the bar. And helped you see what you want from a potential partner.

Aw shitwith Mr Bookworm sounds great.

Sorry marlboro. I totally have the T-shirt where it comes to unsuitable men.

Shuffling up for lillyrose

Thanks notcoolmum

lilyrose I’d be a bit happy about the house sale falling through too! My iron is being lovely but we exist in a bubble and I’m waiting for it to go wrong. He’s not told his wife and kids about us (they are separated) and whilst he has his reasons this will either piss me off massively at some point or his wife will behave the way he feared and that will ruin things. Or he’ll get get up with my family dramas. No way things will stay so good for much longer with my luck!!

@Notcoolmum

He’s not told his wife and kids about us (they are separated) and whilst he has his reasons this will either piss me off massively at some point or his wife will behave the way he feared and that will ruin things.

Was caught in this exact situation and I put it off as long as possible and DW did behave awfully and ruined everything with gf.

Ugh Sorru for you mrdrummer and worried for me!! Like daffodeffo says though, he has definitely raised the bar. So there will be positives to take from this relationship.

Notcool do you mind if I send you a PM later so I don't derail the thread? I had a similar conversation with MissOz at the weekend and I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this as I think I'm in a similar position to your iron.

notcoolmum I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully he will tell his ex about you at some stage and she will not flip out as badly as he expects.

MrDrummer sorry to hear that.

So in a fit of optimism I decided to buy myself some nice clothes for all the wonderful dates that I am bound to go on in the coming months . After lots of online shopping and returning of mostly unsuitable items that look wonderful on the models but make me look fat, I found some lovely clothes in &otherstories and put in an order. They use DPD to deliver and I kept getting emails telling me that the order would be delivered to my chosen pick up point (the local Halfords!). I kept going along there after my long commute home from work and the parcel was never there. I finally phoned DPD customer services to be told that they have cancelled their contract with Halfords and I should have been contacted about delivering the parcel to my home address. They apologised profusely and have now promised to deliver it to a 'safe place' in my front garden tomorrow. I'm sure there is a metaphor somewhere in this for my sad dating life at the moment. Lots of unsuitable items that make me feel bad about myself, expectations constantly raised and then dashed, and a vague promise that I will eventually get the prize!

@Notcoolmum Happened ages ago for me, so all in the past, but unfortunately, it was a case of (as my dear mum used to say) "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". In the worst case scenario, be steeled to get dragged into things you really don't want to be part of. It's up to you whether you can weather the storm. If you haven't guessed by now, my personal life has been a war-zone at times!

Yes of course ant no problem.

mrdrummer I think I could weather the storm, he seems worth it. But if it impacts on his relationship with his children I know he will (and rightly) put them first so it could end us as a result. I don’t want to get involved and do anything to come between him and his children. My kids haven’t had a dad and i would never knowingly contribute to anything similar.

Ha ha, great metaphor in there lilyrose!

@Notcoolmum Is too outing/difficult to say what he thinks might happen?

Oh lillyrose I lost quite a bit of weight this year due to stress and had decided to order myself lots of nice (sexy) underwear. I kept getting notifications that dpd had tried to deliver and I wasn’t home when I was, it finally arrived yesterday, none of the bras are the right size and I am getting no shags now so just returned it all!

It feels a bit wrong mrdrummer to share his story online. But he is worried about his children being turned against him and she has form for this with other family members. Allegedly. Obvs I only have his side. I was devastated when he first told me he didn’t want to tell them for a while and we ended things but couldn’t stay away from each other... and now I’m less bothered just worried how it could effect us further down the line. I go out in his hood etc so I don’t feel hidden...

@Notcoolmum how long have you been together?

3-4 months wishywashy I did an indignant post on here when he first told me. But I’m massively over it now. He’s being great with some family crap I have going down and I’m having a really lovely time with him. I’m just wary it could be an issue in the future if he either keeps moving the goalposts for when he’s prepared to mention me or if he does and there is then repercussions from his ex. But for today my head is in the sand!!

Marlboro good old DPD - a catalogue of failures a bit like our love lives!

I did buy some nice underwear at the weekend as my bras have been digging in me a bit due to increased chocolate intake (caused by lack of sex and no running due to a sprained ankle). It makes such a difference to have bras that don't hurt, but they do make my boobs look rather large, as I found out when someone tagged me in a very unflattering Facebook photo at the weekend.

Notcoolmum that sounds like a really difficult dilemma but hopefully things will ease over time. The ex might meet someone new and be less bothered about him dating someone else.

I usually like dpd. Hermes I have problems with!!

The best thing that ever happened to me was my ex meeting someone else. So 🤞