Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@lifegoes

I've learnt that what you accept at the start is the what you will get in the end.

Yeah, this. Absolutely class statement. Love it.

kerkyra if he's been having a hard time, I might be more forgiving. I think it's the sort of thing to raise face to face rather than on messages if you see each other again. Then I would make it clear that that sort of absence in messaging doesn't work for you.

That book sounds good itsamiracle. I have been lucky with my past relationships but I'm sure I've been guilty of loving too much and then not at all! I seem to be capable of both extremes but not particularly good in the middle ;).

Just looked on amazon

'Women who love too much' is in a bundle with 'women who think too much'

DaffoDeffo one of the same 😂😂.

@DaffoDeffo

is there one called 'women who talk too much', as well???

@ItsAMiracle2015 I know but some names I just think I don't think could imagine me saying ... "oh Clifford right there" 🤦🏻‍♀️ that's just an example for any Clifford's out there

@MrDrummer it's really true, I've tolerated quite a bit sometimes because I've been frightened it would push them away. Truth Is, it was my gut screaming I didn't like someone and they've all ended in worse situations. So now, I'm not tolerating poor behaviour I don't like.

@DaffoDeffo I feel like someone has just wrote my whole life in two books there

lifegoes you're never allowed to leave this thread. I think I actually need you in my life 😂.

I agree @lifegoes my Match stalker has a name that I can't imagine any woman finding romantic. And it is alliterative with the place he comes from which is also a bit grotty. So B from B sounds really unappealing.

@ItsAMiracle2015 😂😂 Im not going anywhere. Too many Cliffords about.

It all come out in counselling @lifegoes for me. I have settled all of my life for unsuitable people and try to convince myself that things were okay.

I'm so pleased it's not just me... @StealthNinjaMum I'm often quite disappointed when I see their name.

I struggled a bit with the last one anyway as his name was the same as my dads. But on reflection of his 23 years younger GF. He probably wanted me to call him daddy.

@MrDrummer therapy has really helped me (you wouldn't think it from some of my previous posts about guys on here) but I do think that's because I want certain types of behaviour and learning not accept it.

But now and again, she creeps back in and convinces the new me that it's ok to tolerate it as you don't want to lose him. 🙄

I struggled a bit with the last one anyway as his name was the same as my dads.

My last OLD had the same coat as my DD. Was really off-putting!

@lifegoes I don't think the demons ever go away, tbh. At least I can see them for what they are, now.

Hahahahaha the same coat?? @MrDrummer

That's really made me laugh

I had irons called Graham and Wayne ... 😕 Shallow, but their names did put me off!! Mind you my first name is dreadful (well the shortened version which is what everyone calls me).

I've been in counselling for bloody years - can now read an email (blaming me for everything and also abusive) from my ex and just think 'pillock' now. Amazing progress 😂😂

@lifegoes I just haven't really trusted him since my freind saw him on bumble a couple of weeks back and then he was quite snippy with me one morning also...while we had an amazing intellectual and sexual chemistry...the emotional connection never quite got there. I couldn't fully relax. Maybe it was just me. Too self protective ? I really liked him and wanted it to work. And there was a thing that happened recently where I just felt I needed him to be there for me without me asking....i dunno. We all have needs. Anyway. I ended it tonight for good because while the highs were high. The lows felt pretty low. Having a drink and feeling sad. Think I'll stay off OLD for a while to process.

@BatshitCrazyWoman What name would be an exciting name for an iron? Surely they are all a bit dull.

My last date was a Brian. Might have fancied him a bit if he was a Ryan!

A few txts from village man and I just said let me know if he fancies a drink sometime. He said will do.

Going to move on

Wow Batshit that's great progress. It all takes time and I'm realising that even with OLD. I'm getting idiots but I'm getting stronger each time. At one point I'd wonder why I'm not good enough. Now I know I'm good enough, it's them that's the problem (she hopes)

@supercali77 But that's it, you've done the right thing. We can all tolerate one or two things. But when they keep mounting up and making you feel awful. It's not worth it.
I do believe the dating stage should be the easiest and happiest. Not constantly questioning what's happening, why are they acting this way. I'm back on OLD, but more to pass the time.

I'm too tired to paint my spare room now and have wasted my evening online again

Could you people please stop talking so I can do something constructive? Thanks.

@kerkyra a Ryan gosling 🥰

What if Brian was spelled Bryan?

Sorry to hear you are sad supercali but it sounds like you have done the right thing.

My last two irons have had the same name! 😂

Totally irrational but I prefer Bryan. And normally I prefer the boring way of spelling names.