Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Exactly this notcoolmum

For me I definitely think it’s the loss of thinking that we had finally got it right, learned from our past experiences and reaping the rewards, seeing the possibility of a life with a happy and fulfilling relationship lying ahead of us only finding ourselves back to square one. The feeling we have learnt nothing and have ‘done it again’

I don't think I deserved it but I don't think I should have trusted my instinct.

Onwards

@StealthNinjaMum and @MrDrummer I am reporting you both to Mumsnet for telling tales The kudos are sent without pity @MrDrummer.

At some point @StealthNinjaMum and I should relate our experiments on Match to the thread. Some things we thought unbelievable seem to be genuine interactions by real users.

I've been doing a big catch up on the thread and sympathies to those where the other party has moved on (glossing over the ones where the guy has been a lying arse). It's really tough. You have to enter into relationships and try them on for size to find out if they will work for both of you, but you can't put pressure on the relationship by overtly stating the potentially provisional nature of it. Hmm, I guess this makes me an avoidant type if I start off thinking it's provisional ?

Really sorry to hear of your cycling accident Peanu Thedz hope that you're recovering well.

@JeSuisPrest Get him drunk. Err, umm... hang on. I think he probably likes you a lot and could be second guessing everything ... hence sparky texts when he has some space to think but in person it make take some time for that head space and relaxed feeling to come about.

jesuis I also wonder if you're trying to like Mr Cornish more than you do. I know spark isn’t everything but at the start, for me, it kind of is!
First date nerves is fine but by 3rd 4th date I would expect that is their true personality.

Mr Tooshortlawyer was witty, confident and sexy when messaging. In person he was much quieter and shyer. I don’t think it was nerves you can be who you want by text

@HairyArsedMan telling tales? But you did block me! And you spent many minutes replying to my WhatsApp and blamed it on your boss.

The main Match experiments might out us but one thing I will reveal is that both @HairyArsedMan and I have stalkers who visit us, wink at us, favourite us multiple times daily. We thought it might be Match randomly favouriting us by the same people but it turns out that there really is a guy who is obsessively following me and yet never sends a message! And HairyArsedMan has a lovely lady admirer as well as an older pensioner admirer. I would lovely to reveal the lovely alliterative name of my favourite stalker but it would out him.

Jesuis right I'll get the disclaimer done - obviously I am no expert on relationships having only just left one after too long many years - but wasn't there chemistry on the first night until he failed to perform? I suspect there will be nerves because of that. I don't know how long it takes a guy to get over that but anxiety over performance might be a factor.

Can i ask what you guys think of tinder, is it purely just for hook ups.
I don't want hook ups, I would like to date and see where it goes with a view to a LTR, i'm not having much luck on POF so thought I may give it a try.
I'm early 40's for context, I don't even know if that's too old for tinder!

@HairyArsedMan We have messaged each other on a daily basis for weeks now and then you disappear for 4 days... 4 long days. I know you have a lot on at the me, so I respected your space. Don't message him, I told myself. He'll message you when he's ready, I said to myself. Now I come to find out you have been 'experimenting' with that @StealthNinjaMum woman all this time. When was I going to find out? WHEN? And you think you can waltz back into my life with nothing more than a couple of kudos's on Strava? What kind of bloke do you take me for? I've read about men like you

StealthNinjaMum That's right, which is why I can't just get him drunk....

I've been thinking today how would I feel if I just spoke to him tonight and just said, "Look, we've met a few times now, you're a great guy but I'm not really feeling it", it makes me feel quite sad which I think tells me something. We've had no failure to rise to the occasion issues since the first time, although he does only have a couple of pints of beer/glasses of wine now and I've been very happy with how I things have gone- and told him so, without making it sound like a performance review 😳.

Maybe I need to take the lead a bit and make it very clear with actions that I would be more than happy with an impromptu christening of the sofa kitchen table when I see him next? I suppose I'm so used to guys doing it it doesn't really occur to me to instigate it. Looks like I'll be moving out of my comfort zone as well.

@MrDrummer Block him and move on hun.
You are the prize!! 😂

@JeSuisPrest Takes two to tango and if you want something, then why shouldn't you initiate. I think he is probably treating you a bit like a china doll... maybe you need to show him you don't mind a bit of (gulp) breakage...

jesuis yeah I would send him a few naughty texts and jump on him before he's even finished opening the front door.

Block him and move on hun.

But @JeSuisPrest I will never find a better Strava follower... nobody else will measure up. I look at all my other Strava followers and all I see his Strava stats. Nobody else measures up!!!

@MrDrummer No contact is the only way. Whilst he's in the background as an option you'll never move on. I bet he's got loads of Strava followers, you won't be the first or last. I'm so sorry. You're worth so much more than him.

@StealthNinjaMum - yep, done that already, perhaps I need to be more erm, sexplicit?🤔

@Mr Drummer You know people like him follow people just as badly on the Garmin forums. You need to move on...

Right I'm back swiping bumble and tinder are sooooooo boring, just nothing on there.

Suggestions?

@MrDrummer You call yourself a drummer but continually get the wrong end of the stick I can't help all those people (3) following me on Strava. I'm pretty sure they all accidentally clicked Follow or something Or they are fakes generated by Strava HQ. Anyway my experiments with @StealthNinjaMum were before you, I promise

@LolaJane44 Are you literally following me ?

@StealthNinjaMum Well we can reveal that there was a massive imbalance between the available male pool in your catchment versus the women on Match, indicating that it's probably a very good idea to spread yourself across the different sites. On Match there really are people that seem to obsessively view your profile. I know on mine I update the tunes every few days so maybe they are all using me as a DJ service

No I'm not. I just know your type... ;-) used to be one

I met MrSG on tinder @CKfan. We’re 38 and 39 and clearly weren’t just looking for hook ups. I think you get all sorts on there.

@StealthNinjaMum but I blocked and unblocked you !

So for the benefit of the thread we were investigating what visibility you have on that platform as to whether you've been blocked, as we were trying to understand why people just dropped off the site in response to a message. Were we being blocked, we wondered ? The answer is that it's very clear when someone has blocked you. First you get told in the message thread and then they disappear from their search results and their profile is unavailable to you.

Erm they disappear from your search results I mean. When an account is suspended the message thread stays but the person at the other end receives no notifications of any further interactions.

Also the presence indicators are bullshit. Having the app on my phone and minimised showed me as being online the whole time. My reaction to that my target audience will probably think I'm mad for it chasing women online all day.

@hairarsedman

Look at you! Flouting your VO2Max** on your Strava profile. You have 5 times as many followers as I do and countless others on Garmin Connect that I don't know of. How can I compete with that! The red flags were there all along. Why did I ignore them??

You call yourself a drummer but continually get the wrong end of the stick

Oh really? How do you know I am not a butt* man?

(*Drummer double-entendre: some drummers play with their sticks the wrong way round, i.e. with the butt of the stick. Would have been funnier if I hadn't had to explain it. Killed it stone dead now.)

** actual biological statistic changed to avoiding out.

I don't think I would dare stick my playlist on an OLD profile... most of the bands I listen to look like the walked off the set of Hellraiser

I have developed a new strategy today when thinking of J ( J is for jerk in the words of one of my friends). Imagine one of those things that fires tennis balls at you really fast and hard. You have a smash like Serena Williams and BOOM. This my friends has helped enormously today.

@CKfan there's definitely people after proper dating and not just hookups on tinder. I'm also early 40s and found it's pretty alright.

@lifegoes did you try fab as well as the dating sites? Or is it not the right thing for you

@WarIsPeace I did try it, might get myself back on. I much prefer an app

lolajane I don’t know whether my instinct is spot on or me being paranoid. Makes it hard to know whether to trust it or not.

ck tinder is the same as any other dating app. People looking for both long term and short term.

jesuis if you feel sad at the idea of ending things then it’s worth continuing. I’d def don’t think you should actually be watching films at this stage though 😂