Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

MrDrummer I am a very glass half full type of person and so yes I would agree .

lifegoes of course it isn't your fault!

stealthninjamum the thread definitely has it's ups and downs. Funnily enough it is seeing people bounce back from the rejections and keep on trying that has given me the confidence that maybe I can handle it.

Also the lack of sweary words stored in my phone's dictionary is really showing up in my posts, I think I have become boringly "nice", I think it was even picked up on my date on Monday

starryunicorn apart from my ex husband I haven't had many rejections yet but it is motivating seeing all these people on the smitten bench having been on the lonely barbecue bench.

@LooUpdate thanks, but as an empath, I tend to take on the emotions of people around me I think I need to be with healthy people and have healthy activities, the Kundalini Yoga I did today I think is more beneficial, I can feel the energy out of my body at the moment

lifegoes Don't be so hard on yourself, you saw it loud and clear the instant he gave you a signal, and your first response was to be angry instead of getting sucked in to drama llama central.

Learn what you can, thank your stars you found out as soon as you did, and remember it is not your fault

@vwman Don't put Kundalini Yoga on your OLD profile!!! I got labelled a sandal-wearing vegan for putting Pilates on mine!

shitwithsugaron I think I called him MrMetal, not sure though.

vwman I have been finding your posts quite tedious for some time now.

@MrDrummer I have yoga as an interest perhaps because I would like to share that interest with someone, I am currently wearing flip flops though after my walk along the beach so I am half way there

@lifegoes Of course it's not your fault. The man led you up the garden path with words and got what he wanted. Try and turn it on its head if it makes you feel better - did you enjoy talking to him , did you enjoy the sex, did you enjoy the attention, did he make you feel good about yourself? Try and take the few positives you can from it and forget about him. He is a significant lesson in your OLD "career", learn from it and try not to get so over invested/commit to a major first date like that in future. Get some irons, meet quickly for a coffee. Let things progress at a natural pace. Some will fall by the wayside. Some will stand out more than others. They will all teach you something about what you do and don't want from a relationship.

Off for a pizza with MrCornish tonight. He's asked if I want a fry up in the morning- guess that means I'm invited for sleep over... 😳 Not messaged MrPlumber today.

lifegoes not your fault at all but have a big hug from me

jeSuis well done for not messaging Mr Plummer. Enjoy your sleepover.

I have a desperate urge to message Mr Big and ask if he has recovered from his “illness” BUT I won’t. I need to accept I am been ghosted or curved. It’s just so annoying as we had laughed before about how pathetic it is to ghost someone you had dtd with and how we wouldn’t do that to anyone. What a mug I am.

I have arranged a date for Friday with Mr Tall 😁 which will be our 2nd date but the first was 2 months ago!

lifegoes totally not your fault. He has behaved like a grade A cunt.

I think Jesuis's advice is good. What did you enjoy about the date and lead up to it. What made you feel good. Take that with you for your next date. And know that you treat people with integrity.

jesuis have a great time with mr Cornish and well dine for not replying to mr Plumber.

Just had a major crying session. I feel so totally overwhelmed with the thought of starting again. I don’t know what’s the matter with me, I’m usually much more upbeat - this 8 month relationship break up seems to be affecting me more than my 20 year marriage. Looking at photos of us from only a month ago - I can’t believe he’s done it. Please tell me to get a grip.

Nowthefunbegins Crying is good. Go through the feelings rather around them. This too shall pass xxx

nowthefunbegins It’s totally natural to feel the way you do right now and to shed tears for what could have been in the relationship. You have every right to grieve the ending of it and there is absolutely zero pressure to move on and start dating again - I would try and put that thought to the back of your mind if at all possible. If I were you I’d definitely be taking a step back and forgetting about dating again and concentrate on yourself and getting in the right frame of mind to move on. Take your time and you’ll get there

Nowthefunbegins have a good cry and then try and pull yourself together, delete any photos you have of him or the both of you, make plans to do something fun (meet up with friends, book a weekend away, or plan a shopping trip), tell yourself how 9 months ago you didn’t know this guy existed and you were fine without him? Things will get easier. I was in a one year relationship after splitting with my husband, it ended pretty badly and I was more upset than I was when my marriage ended, I did recover but took me a while to want to be in any kind of relationship so I just dated people and had FWB’s to keep me busy.

nowthefun I don’t think you need a grip tbh I think you need to grieve. 8 months is a relationship you are defo allowed to cry over that I have spent a lot of today crying over a 3 month “FWB” so I cannot fathom how crap you must be feeling

marlboro not a mug - people don't come with a warning that they're going to turn out to be a massive arsehole (more's the pity).

@nowthefunbegins Sometimes the shorter term things can you over worse than the long term ones. When a long term relationship falls apart, problems have often been apparent for months/years and the split is generally a result of the bottom just falling out. When a short term relationship falls apart, you don’t know as much about them to understand why things happened the way they did and that’s ultimately what leaves people unable to move on: not understanding it so you can make sure it never happens again and you can look out for certain stuff the next time. Typically it’s not even losing the person that hurts most, it’s the frustration of letting yourself get hurt, investing time/energy at the expense of other things only for it to not pan out, etc.

You're also still in the honeymoon period and having the rug pulled from under you can really affect you.

So whilst you absolutely should do whatever it takes to move on from this place of hurt, don’t beat yourself up for wanting to understand it all.

@StarryUnicorn 👊

rich some wise words there! I think you are so right. When my marriage finally ended I felt relief as had been unhappy a long time

Thanks putastraw everyone I have dated that I havnt been interested in I have told them (kindly) that I wasn’t interested. I wish everyone would do the same. Ghosting/ curving and general fuckwittery is just so unkind

Honestly what will dating be like in the future. I really worry what it’s going to be like for my kids when they start (only tiny dots at the moment)

Thank you all so much. @richdeniro you are so right about long term versus short term relationships. I knew my marriage was over for years before I actually had the courage to do anything about it so when it actually happened, I just felt relief

You never know how people will behave at the end if a relationship. Mr Unsuitable said something about how we don't know how it's going to end. And it's true. My STBExDH was a wanker to be married to and I thought he'd be horrific to divorce but he's very fair. And good. People who you wouldn't expect to have affairs, or dump badly. Doesn't mean they weren't lovely during the relationship.

Whoever asked, yes I cycled into a moving car at a roundabout. Not sure what happened really, think it was noones fault. I knew I wasn't feeling 100%, think I mentioned it when I posted just before I left the house. Thank god I was wearing a helmet. It could have been a lot worse. I'm in quite a lot of pain now. But Mr U us being very attentive. And was a bit shocked when he saw me...