Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Hell why not?

Marlb - go for it I meant. You never know and he may have learnt something from before.

I am tooold He is making me laugh already. I will just be cautious. He had always been clear he wants proper dating and I think now that’s what I want too. When I originally met him I was looking for casual

"Isn't it funny how the thread seems to go in waves. Like we've just had a smitten wave, a dumping-after-months wave. And over the weekend a lonely wave. " - Spot on @Peanut! :-( (PS Hope you're feel better after a zzz).

@Marl - go for it! Sounds like you're going through a rough patch so have fun!

My date for Monday fizzled out and never happened, we had a chat yesterday and he didn't seem to keen to meet. Said as such very sweetly though. We had some good banter but I never met him, so I can hardly take it personally! Still have a few matches on Bumble which keep on expiring, I keep on renewing and then they expire again. I am officially MsFlake at the moment!

Thanks supercali77 its so true I know what an idealist and eternal optimist I am its all experience in trusting your gut right?
I really have some very dull exciting conference calls to get back to but thanks for the support all.
Would you get back on OLD or drop it like a hot brick?

@emski1972 Personally I always go back OLD when things don't work out - can't tell ya if it's healthy or not haha. Just what I do.

for all those going through heartache on here at the moment. I know how you all feel.

Thank you rich are you ok?

Why do you want to hear from him again if he didn't light your fire?

Validation I guess

As it turns out, he DID message in the end and we've been chatting.

coldlocation This is not healthy partner behaviour.

BendyLikeBeckham It's sadly true that the less interest you show, the more interested men tend to be, in my experience at least.

Peanuthedz omg, knocked off by a car??

vwman I'm in the Coda fellowship and it's transforming my life.

SimonJT loo update us!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 If that's not a sign I dont know what is? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth or something like that...

@LooUpdate that is not my experience. Men want to be wanted just as much as women. If you treat em mean to keep em keen, then you risk communicating that you don't care, and so neither will they. Surely this is dating advice from the 1970s?

@BendyLikeBeckham I know of 2 blokes who fit the pattern, perhaps if I say: I think people with borderline personality traits can end up in co-dependent (and toxic) relationships with people who live for the thrill of the chase.
Does that make any more sense, or am I still talking drivel?

@SimonJT mine was on Monday at 39, you young whippersnapper. It has certainly given me quite a lot to think about, I'll say that.

Thrill of the chase

Watch a nature film and see how that works out for the quarry.

Surely better to have a relationship based on mutual value and respect?

Stepped away from mumsnet to do a bit of decorating on Monday and missed 20 pages of you!

to everyone who is having a shit time. lifegoes what a cock, you dodged a bullet but I'm sorry it was so shit. emski1972 nothing I can say other than to repeat you had a lucky escape. There are people out there who will appreciate all of us somewhere, we just haven't found them yet.

On the subject of free coffee I still remember a lovely man who bought me a coffee in August 2005 at one of the coffee sellers in Charing Cross station. I was having a very bad time (unemployed, had a job interview that day) and some bloke just bought me a coffee. (Where were you in 2005 @mrdrummer?) It was a genuinely altruistic gesture from someone who was probably rushing for a train to someone who was subconsciously giving off stressed vibes.

Good luck tonight SimonJT. StarryUnicorn (love the name by the way) have you arranged another date?

Good luck SimonJT

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I’m ok thank you

Not me, @stealthninjamum, but I certainly would have shown concern if someone is visibly distressed. I would buy anybody in the world a cup of coffee if I thought it would help them. I bought someone at the hospital a can of coke the other day because they didn't have change for the machine, and they were clearly stressed about a loved one. I thought it was normal behavior

stealthninjamum I keep a diary of sorts, for things to talk to my therapist about, it has a starry unicorn on the cover, it seemed an appropriate name somehow

I have made as yet unreciprocated contact, I think I am currently too chicken to admit I would like a second date, and am fighting an internal battle between fear of rejection and fear of acceptance

Just remembered last week I gave someone some tokens for amusements at the seaside (worth about £2) and they couldn't believe it. I would've taken them home and found them in 3 years time and wondered what they were for and filled landfill with them. The bloke seemed absolutely amazed that I would give them to him. Seems normal to me.

starryunicorn I am seeing much more rejection than acceptance at the moment but having read some of the awful stories on here am beginning to think I'm lucky being rejected so often before I really get hurt.

I once gave someone a trolley token outside aldi, though the cynical bigger in me translated their utter disbelief as being peeved that they couldn't have a go at some version of the small change con-trick.

@stealthninjamum By that logic the fact that no-one talks to me on OLD, means I must be the luckiest person on OLD!?!

I hate to be a pain but can I just have a reminder that this isn't my fault.

I'm literally in shock at how I didn't see this